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Moving one child in class, but not the bully?

(30 Posts)
CatAmongThePigeons Mon 14-Oct-13 11:15:19

DS1 has had problems with a child in his class who has always made nasty comments and songs about him. He will also push him over and hit him.

DS1 told me on the way to school that he had to move class tables, as the bully was behind him and wasn't behaving.

I feel it's quite unfair to make my son move and leave the bully where he was. It seems to be punishing my DC who is the victim.

Is this norm or should I bring it up with the class teacher?

JiltedJohnsJulie Tue 15-Oct-13 14:39:28

Poor lad, I really feel for him. I was bullied at that age and can totally sympathise. Have you got someone to have him while you talk to the teacher?

I'm really surprised that these discussions with the class haven't but going on since you first raised the issue. Actually not that surprised really, the teacher seems to have her head wedged truly and firmly up her bum in the sand.

CatAmongThePigeons Tue 15-Oct-13 14:36:16

It's mainly ensuring that they are kept separate, more discussion in class about kindness to each other and getting some support from SENCO about DS1 and his wellbeing as well as potential issues. I did flag the links between his emotional state and tics with the increased amount of bullying, which shocked the teacher.

DS2 cried in class yesterday apparently, over the wrong pen. He's so blooming fragile at the moment, he is an emotional child, but not to that degree.

I will have to see what has happened so far, as I have a meeting after school to discuss further what is going on. Hopefully there will be positive action towards safeguarding him while he is in their care.

JiltedJohnsJulie Tue 15-Oct-13 14:17:44

Sorry, meant to put a question mark at the end, didn't intend to shout blush

JiltedJohnsJulie Tue 15-Oct-13 14:17:06

What action plan has been put into place cat? Could your sons tics and emotional state be because he's had to endure bullying for a prolonged period of time and the school seem unwilling or unable to sort it out!

CatAmongThePigeons Mon 14-Oct-13 22:06:05

The school seems pretty reactive in terms of support, and I feel I've been pushed onto a different track from what I went in for. It may all be linked, it may not. I feel a little fobbed off.

JiltedJohnsJulie Mon 14-Oct-13 21:17:48

If the teacher thinks he may need additional support, its good that its being put into place, but I'm really surprised she's waited for you to go in before she's brought the subject up.

If you're not sure you've done the right thing, what concerns have you got?

CatAmongThePigeons Mon 14-Oct-13 21:00:43

I managed to speak to the teacher and got her side of the story and have got an action plan put into place. I'm to go back in tomorrow afternoon and discuss about involvement from other staff incl SENCO, as DS1 has had a few nervous tics and may need extra support emotionally.

Time will tell, it's a real mixed bag this afternnon, I don't know if I've done right from wrong with this now tbh.

JiltedJohnsJulie Mon 14-Oct-13 20:38:43

Cat have you spoken to the teacher yet or have you had to make an appointment?

Lemur3 Mon 14-Oct-13 16:56:45

Definitely approach the Head Teacher and ask for a meeting to discuss the school's Anti-Bullying Policy. Next stop after is Local Education Authority and they usually really don't want it to go that far as it involves a lot of paperwork!

Persistent low-level bullying is horrible to deal with but sometimes class teachers can be reluctant to talk to the bully's parents... who shall we say can sometimes be very much like their offspring sad

Best of luck sorting it all out.

perceptionreality Mon 14-Oct-13 13:53:46

I think that given the extent of this problem, ie - it has been going on for years you are not likely to look unreasonable for expecting for there to be an end to it now. The teacher, in saying there is not much they can do about it is effectively admitting that s/he cannot keep control of the class.

Your poor ds sad I hope things improve for him soon. Make sure you tell them how miserable he is and how he has visibly changed in disposition. Good luck for this afternoon, let us know how you get on.

CatAmongThePigeons Mon 14-Oct-13 13:15:03

I feel I need to offer one last chance and work from there, I feel torn, but it is only the start of the year and I don't want to make things more uncomfortable for DS1. If I don't feel that I'm being taken seriously I can go to the head straight away and escalate things immediately.

My son is fully aware of the family support behind him. I always flag problems with the teacher as soon as I possibly can and he is aware I believe him totally. He knows that I will be seeing the school this afternoon and that I'm not allowing this to affect him when he has done nothing wrong.

Thank you all once again, I really do appreciate all the comments I've had!

JiltedJohnsJulie Mon 14-Oct-13 12:49:37

Good point Peter smile

PeterParkerSays Mon 14-Oct-13 12:17:13

I would also be clear to DS at this stage, if he's not clearly aware, that this is a problem that the school has to deal with, and that you believe him and will be making the school act on this.

JiltedJohnsJulie Mon 14-Oct-13 12:09:48

It is good that you have that relationship with him. You are being very reasonable with his teacher and perhaps giving her more chances than she deserves? Haven't you already spoken to her about it and didn't she say there was nothing she could do?

CatAmongThePigeons Mon 14-Oct-13 12:02:35

Thanks, you're all helping me see more objectively, I may go in to speak to the teacher today get clarification on what has happened and why and get a copy of the anti-bullying policy then arrange a meeting for next week and see what has been done. Escalating to head of KS2 and headteacher if things are not put in place.

I am so worried about DS1, he has been quite withdrawn and quiet at home, which is so unusual for him, now I know why. I am just thankful he is able to talk to me so we can stop this happening.

perceptionreality Mon 14-Oct-13 11:42:09

It does seem extreme but unfortunately some teachers and some schools are unwilling to do anything about the problem of bullies. I am really shocked that the teacher would actually say 'There's not much I can do about it'. That speaks volumes imo. And I think that if you put things in writing there is an official record of what has been happening.

JiltedJohnsJulie Mon 14-Oct-13 11:41:51

She seems. Think I need to stop mning as I've lost the ability to type. Must go and eat biscuits do some housework.

JiltedJohnsJulie Mon 14-Oct-13 11:39:38

Xposted too smile

JiltedJohnsJulie Mon 14-Oct-13 11:39:10

No need to go in all guns blazing, but think you do need to sort this out.

Speaking to the teacher obviously isn't working. Seems seems incapable of or unwilling to sort this out.

Phone the school and ask for a meeting with the head teacher. You need to ask what there bullying policy is and why your son was not moved and how they are going to safeguard your son from now on.

If it would help, write a letter first. Explain what has been happening and ask he school what steps they are going to take to ensure it doesn't happen again. State a time that you would like a reply by, say within 7 days. I'd also cc the board of or head of Governors and the local lea. Seems a bit extreme but this stopped the bullying of our son immediately.

perceptionreality Mon 14-Oct-13 11:35:52

X posts with erc

perceptionreality Mon 14-Oct-13 11:35:32

Well if the teacher won't do anything, complain in writing to the head. Ask to see a copy of the school's policy on bullying. It will be difficult for them to ignore a letter - they will have to respond. If that doesn't help then escalate your complaint to the school governors. Your child's life is being made a misery at school and it's not fair and it needs to stop. If you exhaust all avenues and the child doing this is still being pandered to then I would move your ds to another school, seriously.

ercoldesk Mon 14-Oct-13 11:34:49

Ask to see the school anti bullying policy. It can't be the case that there isn't much she can do. Then ask to go through it with her, to establish that she has done everything in it, and if it still isn't working, ask to sit with the head to discuss what next steps will be taken to ensure your child's safety.

JiltedJohnsJulie Mon 14-Oct-13 11:29:44

Bully not bulky sorry.

CatAmongThePigeons Mon 14-Oct-13 11:28:32

Thanks for the replies, I have spoken to the teacher regarding the bullying and every class teacher since he started school. This year, the teacher doesn't seem to be putting a stop to it.

'There's not much I can do' was said to me, I did let it go, but this latest information from DS2 has made me angry and upset.

I had a similar thing when I was in senior school, it really screwed up my school life, so I am very biased against it and I don't want to go in all guns blazing if this is a recognised technique.

It is really unfair, DS1feels he is in the wrong. sad

gleegeek Mon 14-Oct-13 11:22:16

Sadly IME this is normal... My dd was moved classes (classes are mixed across the year every year) the bully was left with most of their mutual friends, dd was the only girl from her previous class in her new class. Fortunately she has some friends there, but still it's a hard lesson that bullies seem to come up smelling of roses....

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