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I know this is bad.... one off..

(71 Posts)
xxslkxx Fri 04-Oct-13 00:50:34

I know this post is bad before I write it, however I hope you understand a little before you say Im wrong! My son is in Yr 1, has been struggling, so recently I started a new plan (six weeks in now). Extra hour of writing and reading after school everyday, started new extracurricular activities, made a huge effort - to the point his teachers have noticed! Am so so happy with him, rewards everyweek and moved up two levels. Taken a LOT of work from him, I have signed up to lots of sites for hand writing and reading help etc.
Basically he is doing amazing and I want to reward him. I have an amazing day planned for him but it will mean a day missed from school whichI feel awful about.My husbamd says get. Life as his attendance is always 100% and one reward in the year when he is had such a marked improvement is allowable. I know he wont miss any important work but feel bad lying (yes I know this is pathetic!) Just dont know if I should?

zingally Sat 05-Oct-13 20:53:39

Fair enough to take him on a "I'm really proud of you" day. But do it on a weekend. Also... This is giving him the message that he'll only get your approval if he does well in school... And that you'll change what you mean at any moment. "School is important" until he achieves your goals, then all of a sudden "school isn't important, let's party!"

Take him out for a weekend day, but don't apply it to any specific reason. You'd be setting yourself up for bother.

ihearsounds Sat 05-Oct-13 15:07:59

Can you not do it on one of the inset days? A lot of schools have one coming up very soon.

Floggingmolly Sat 05-Oct-13 15:01:56

If it was something of that nature op would have no issue with disclosing it, pyrrah. bet it's Legoland

pyrrah Sat 05-Oct-13 12:29:45

SoupDragon - I totally agree that taking a child out of school is not an appropriate reward.

I would be more inclined to think that taking a child out of school for an educational experience that could not be repeated at another time would be... so, trip to museum/LEGOLAND etc would not be acceptable, a one-off opportunity to do some kind of workshop (I don't know... maybe something like spending a day with a palaeontologist learning how to preserve fossils) that is not going to be repeated at a weekend or holiday I would say is a good reason for a day off.

There were a couple of things that my parents could have taken me out of school for and didn't and now really regret - a one-off meeting of my whole extended relatives many of whom I have never met at a historic house that used to belong to a shared 5th great-grandfather with a series of lectures from eminent historians was one example.

SoupDragon Sat 05-Oct-13 09:14:39

I never understand why people think that hard work shouldn't result in external rewards.

I fully agree with external rewards.
I do not agree with taking your child out of school for them.

Ferguson Sat 05-Oct-13 00:15:54

Having worked in primary schools for over twenty years, mostly as a TA, I am afraid I find your attitude one of the most disturbing - and, possibly, disturbed - that I have ever come across.

Yes, of course parents should be supportive and involved in their children's education and activities, and most MN are just that, but I believe that this 'hot house' attitude is excessive, and as several other professionals have clearly stated, it should not be necessary.

Are you REALLY doing this only for HIM, or are YOU wanting to bask in the reflected glory of his progress? Why was he not progressing from the normal school day, as, presumably, most of his peers are? There is a lot more to school life than just 'reading and writing', and it should hardly be necessary to 'draw dots' for him to learn to form letters correctly. Unless, perhaps he has some disability, which you haven't told us about.

To me, this smacks of the 'failed dancers' who spend thousands of pounds on their tiny daughters, taking them to never ending dance classes, buying expensive, glamorous dresses, and transporting them all over the country to dance competitions, so the mothers can pretend to themselves that this is what they COULD have done, if only . . .

I am sorry to be harsh, but I would ask you to examine YOUR OWN motives very carefully, before you continue on this regime of extra work. In the long run, it could end up doing more harm than good. And are you totally confident that your own knowledge of HOW to teach a young child, and what methods are used in schools is fully reliable?

I am also forced to wonder what your own school days, and experiences were like.

Do think about it carefully.

chauffeurmummy Fri 04-Oct-13 23:39:04

Oh just take him out! If he's worked hard, made progress and this special treat can't be done any other time then just do it. Our children are little for such a short time! Just don't lie about it and don't ask your son to lie about it. (I would also review the hour a day now he's caught up!)

pyrrah Fri 04-Oct-13 23:04:21

I never understand why people think that hard work shouldn't result in external rewards.

Most adults I know reckon that their hard work should pay off in terms of better jobs/promotions/pay rises etc and not just pride and satisfaction.

Certainly for women, who tend to undervalue themselves in the workplace I think that teaching children that hard work has tangible rewards is very healthy and might lead to girls having better expectations in the work-place.

HollaAtMeBaby Fri 04-Oct-13 21:56:26

You've clearly decided already so what was the point of this thread? The best reward for your son's hard work is the pride and satisfaction he should already be feeling - you will completely undermine that by giving him the message that the point of hard work is external rewards, that school actually that important to that it's ok to lie to teachers.

SoupDragon Fri 04-Oct-13 17:07:53

I completely disagree with taking your child out for a "fun day". You should have planned the reward for a weekend or school holiday.

momb Fri 04-Oct-13 17:01:26

If you want to take your son on a thrilling educational experience on a school day which cannot be done outwith the school term/week then do it.
You are an adult and must live with the consequences. Don't lie; just inform the school what you are doing and they will mark it down as unauthorised. Don't ask your son to lie. That woudl be something you don't want him to learn.
Also, I wouldn't present this to him as a treat for doing well in his tutoring. I'd present it as something you think he will find really interesting, and as a one off, so he doesn't ask to be taken out of school whenever he does well.

Are you realy not able to share whatever it is?

ouryve Fri 04-Oct-13 16:44:19

It's half term in a couple of weeks. You could plan a fab day out, then.

tiggytape Fri 04-Oct-13 16:42:31

Inset Days aren't lost school days though. Schools have to educate children for 190 days per year. Teachers have to work for 195. Those Inset Days therefore come directly out of teacher's holiday. They are not 'extra' holidays for the children. Children still get their 190 days as always.

The schools have no choice about the polling days - they are classed as public buildings and get no say in it. It is a local government decision and the Head is forced to shut that day since it would be impractical to have voters using the dining hall all day and having unchecked adults going in and out of a school full of children.

And I don't know if people are remembering whole days watching videos from when they were at school. Most schools now work right up until the bitter end each term with maybe a fun activity like a school play thrown in. With SATS and screening and assessments, teachers don't have the luxury of sticking the kids in front of Toy Story 2 and hoping for the best!

PastSellByDate Fri 04-Oct-13 15:45:05

Hi Mrs Truper:

I get your point on mixed messages but as I see it schools are sending us mixed messages by having whole days devoted to videos/ golden time or taking a class on a residential where they're hiking, climbing, kayaking, etc... (all wonderful stuff) but not exactly educational and certainly not a million miles away from what parents might want to do on holiday with their children?

Also don't completely get why our school is always closed for voting?

Surely this can be organised in such a way the school doesn't have to be closed. Oddly enough our school never seems to organise inset days over voting days - so we always lose 1-2 days extra a year.

MrsTruper Fri 04-Oct-13 15:32:33

Also I don't think it sends mixed messages, it's a one off.

What about teachers strike? Or showing videos all day long at that giving kids a mixed message about learning?

MrsTruper Fri 04-Oct-13 15:27:13

Why not be honest? Say to the school that you have been home eding him evenings to catch up because the school has failed him. Then say I you are rewarding him with a day out. Sounds like he won't be missing much at school?!

What can they say? At least it will be in the school record that you are disappointed with how the school is progressing your son, and you have had to take his progress in to your own hands.

simpson Fri 04-Oct-13 12:28:12

A boy in my DS's class was taken out of school for 2 days and has got a £120 fine which doubles if you don't pay it in 28 days.

PastSellByDate Fri 04-Oct-13 12:08:02


Can't you find a happy compromise by booking something on an inset day, half-term or Christmas holidays?

It is possible and usually works out cheaper if you plan way ahead. You can tell him now that in reward for all his achievement you're doing X - but arrange it at a time that doesn't interfere with school (thereby avoiding - 1) mixed message but 2) getting in trouble with school/ LEA if they find out it was an unexcused absence).

The rules about leave in term have changed and are much tighter. Penalties can be charged by LEA for unexcused absences, etc....

Yes reward your son but may also be useful to do so within the rules.


lljkk Fri 04-Oct-13 10:50:57

If OP is 6 weeks in then she must be in Scotland & started this program in mid August. In which case they're on holiday next week or 2, I think. So why need for day off?

Sorry none of my business, but I do so like the world to make sense.

Periwinkle007 Fri 04-Oct-13 10:30:40

I thought they had introduced fines now?

my personal view would be no child should need that much work after school, it isn't sustainable and he will have to stop it at some point at which time he will settle back to his 'true' place in the class anyway. If a child needs an extra hour every day to be doing well then they aren't really destined to be achieving at that level. just my view.

and I don't agree with missing school. Perhaps exceptional circumstances if dad in the forces, going to a close family wedding that involves traveling on a friday or whatever but otherwise I don't agree with random time off school. We do without a holiday rather than take our kids out of school and I wouldn't book a day out somewhere during school time. I want to take my kids to lapland to see Santa but weekdays are cheaper, can't afford weekends so we won't go.

TravelinColour Fri 04-Oct-13 10:25:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AlmightyCitrus Fri 04-Oct-13 10:21:08

Where is the day out? Depending on what you have planned you might be able to pass it off as "Educational". I got my DD1 an authorised day off for a day in London to see an exhibition , as we managed to tenuously link it to the topic she was doing in school.

notso Fri 04-Oct-13 10:12:31

DS1's friends parents are always 'booking' days off for birthday trips, holidays, getting Alton Towers tickets in The Sun etc no one at school seems to bat an eyelid.
On the other hand Dd however blames our one off term time family holiday four years ago for the reason she doesn't get decimals.

FunnyRunner Fri 04-Oct-13 10:10:51

OP this thread was never going to end well grin

As an absolute one off I would do it, if you really, really can't do it any other time, even in holidays. But like others I would be careful that your son doesn't get too tired with all the afterschool work - you might find if he has caught up that you can do the extra work two or three hours a week rather than five, or else spend an hour on a Saturday or Sunday. As long as it is fun stuff and he's enjoying it you're probably doing fine smile

(I'm a teacher but for older kids.)

Floggingmolly Fri 04-Oct-13 10:05:13

He puts in an extra hour per night (just how behind was he?) and his reward is a day off school? hmm

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