DS has just started reception this month. He is 4.5 yrs old.
DS has found it quite difficult to adjust to reception, has been very clingy and tearful when it is time for me to leave, although this seems to be slowly getting better.
However he has also been soiling himself. I think this is possibly due to a few different factors 1] unfamiliar environment and being unsure of the procedure for toileting, ie when he is allowed to go and when not, 2] getting engrossed in something and forgetting to go until it is too late and 3] hoping that Mummy will be contacted to come clean him up [which I have had to do on these occasions]. DS does not soil himself at home and has been toilet trained since about 3 years old.
However on Friday I was at work [I work 2 days a week] and was contacted by the school receptionist at 1.30pm to say that DS had soiled himself and could I bring in clean clothes. I said that he had spare clothes in his school bag... receptionist went to classroom to check and came back to say that yes he was in these spare jogging bottoms and hence it seemed he had already been changed and he seemed okay. I said I would come to the school if necessary but at this point it didn't seem to be so.
At around 2.45pm I finished a meeting with clients to see there was a missed call from the school [at 2.30pm] asking me to call them, no other details. I called school back and had to leave a message on their voicemail. I figured something was up and called DH at work to warn him that DS might need to be collected [DH works closer to school but is still approx an hours travel away - central London to Zone 3].
At nearly 3pm I had a very snippy member of school staff [who I suspect may have been deputy head] call me back saying that DS needed to be collected as he had soiled again. I said I would contact DH to collect but that he would be an hour away. Member of staff unimpressed that it would take an hour to collect DS...
Anyway, DH arrived to collect DS just before 4pm and was immediately whisked into a meeting with Deputy Head [with still pooey DS]. DH said he felt ambushed as Deputy Head [and DS class teacher] basically read him the riot act, that it was unacceptable that I apparently had been informed that DS needed to be collected at 1.30pm [I wasn't] and I was then not contactable. Apparently school also tried to contact DH but they had his contact number wrong.
This is one issue but the other was that both Deputy Head and Class Teacher also made out that it was unacceptable that DS was soiling himself, according to Class Teacher he is the only child to do so and really should be toilet trained [all this said in front of DS ].
I am so angry about all of this and am planning to request a meeting with Deputy Head and Class Teacher on Monday.
However I am wondering if any of you lovely ladies, parents or teachers can advise me on how to present my case on Monday?
I of course have to hear the school's side of it but from mine I would like to know more about the school's continence policy and whether it is always the parent's responsibility to come in and clean child up. When DH came to collect DS he said that DS was covered in poo .
I would also like to know what support they can offer us to help DS stop soiling at school, i.e is there a school nurse who can advise us or is there access to a behaviourial/educational psychologist who can give us advice on how to motivate and encourage DS to start using the toilets independently at school rather than soiling himself?
I actually feel the school have been quite unhelpful up to this point and have offered very little support or advice re DSs anxieties and issues.
I am feeling concerned and cross and wonder if this is the right school for him? Or is this normal for a state school?
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Reception age DS soiling at school... Advice needed please [Long, sorry!]
41 replies
NutcrackerFairy · 29/09/2013 00:01
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