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New boy woes

(9 Posts)
Freshstarts Mon 09-Sep-13 21:37:42

Actually, it's probably new parent woes ; )). My 9 year old son has just started at a large junior school after our recent move. He loved his last school and was quite a popular lad despite being a quiet sensitive soul. His first school was a disaster though. He never clicked with the children there and after a miserable old time we took him out.

Ds seems to be settling well (it's only day four) but he has said quite a few times that he is a bit sad as he doesn't seem to be very popular at this school. Apparently he sat having dinner on his own today because he didn't know anyone.

The school does encourage a very confident assertive nature and I am whittling that it's going to be a repeat experience of the first school. It's not as nurturing as his last iykwim.

As it's early days I want him to settle well and wondered if there are any tips people may have on helping him to make friends and be liked. I felt really bad leaving him in the playground just standing there looking lost this morning : ((

He seemed to settle on day one at his last school. Does it take time to make friends or are some schools just not right for a child.

I don't want to jump the gun with these uneasy feelings of mine. Thanks for listening.

tricot39 Mon 09-Sep-13 22:12:02

starting as an older boy in a larger school with established year groups is much harder than what he has done before. he will be fine but it will take time. are there any clubs he can attend at lunch/after school to meet others with shared interests? good luck - it will get better

exoticfruits Mon 09-Sep-13 22:36:16

My son started a large junior school, after a move, just before his 9th birthday and he went from a small village primary.
It does take a bit of time. The advantage of a larger school is a bigger friends pool.
We were helped by the boy next door being in the same year group. He was also a cub and so joined the local group.
Has he got an interest to nurture?
There is a similar thread with someone's children new at a secondary school and finding it hard. Someone pointed out that it can be hard at the start of term because all the old friends have had the holiday apart and are catching up- which can be isolating.
Is the teacher approachable? Having them work in a compatible small group can help.

macsmumsad Tue 10-Sep-13 03:56:51

My DS 9 also started new larger school - 2nd school in 2 years due to relocation.

He was quite nervous about new school. Tried to arrange meet ups with other boys prior to start of school (I rang deputy head and requested they have parents contact me at their convenience prior to starting new year). While he didn't really "click" with one of the guys - he was relieved to have familiar face.

We role played what he could do or say. Which adults he could talk to if having difficulty, sadness, scared, etc. we had him come up with strategies he felt comfortable with.

We spent time talking about his prior successes in being new or overcoming nervousness, etc. lots of focus on the positive.

He's settling in well. Said his nervousness lessened after first couple days. And we gave him a bit of a break - understanding he spent so much mental energy/emotional energy first several days, that if behavior at home slipped a bit, it was understandable.

Also, lucky his school very concerned about pastoral care and his teacher very tuned into the kids' emotional and social needs. When we had a consult with his teacher, teacher focused on talking to DS (parents presence more to make child comfortable, give our contact info). No questions above or talking around DS. DS was the focus and teacher only interested in getting to know DS and building bond and trust. DS now knows that his teacher is safe person to go to if feeling sad, nervous, excited, happy, angry, disappointed, etc.

Just some thoughts: play dates, role play, teacher-student trust.

FadedSapphire Tue 10-Sep-13 06:54:55

Definitely seek support from the school. They should be keeping an eye on your son and carefully facilitating friendships.
Did he have a classmate supporting him/ showing the ropes on first day? Would think that should be the very least a school should organise.
Best of luck to your son and talk to the teacher [discreetly].

Freshstarts Tue 10-Sep-13 21:31:02

Thanks everyone. He had a better today and I'm feeling somewhat more relaxed. Still hated leaving him in the playground alone though. He's joining some clubs at lunch and after school. It's a big school and made me wonder if I should have chosen the small one-form entry school close by. But I think the point about the bigger friendship pool is a brilliant one. Thanks for saying that. And thanks for the tip about the secondary school talk forum. There are a cou

Freshstarts Tue 10-Sep-13 21:31:12


Freshstarts Tue 10-Sep-13 21:31:59

Sorry - tired. Couple of great threads on there I can relate to. So thanks!!!

exoticfruits Tue 10-Sep-13 22:02:31

Glad he had a better day. You have to allow for it taking time. Small schools can be very nurturing, but you can get the 'big fish in a small pond' with some child who rules the roost, or two who don't get on and there is no avoiding it-it doesn't always work well.At least in a big school (once you find your feet) there is a huge range of personalities and interests and it should be easier to find like minded friends and those who don't get on can avoid each other.

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