School refusal?(10 Posts)
Wwyd? Don't know how to get her to go to school. Should I make her? I could physically but am sure this isn't the right thing to do. Bribery? I don't know if she'd go to school for that. DH and I both work and yesterday she went into school but not happily and she's saying she can't go in now. No bullying issues. I loved school (although mainly for my friends and chatting!) and I don't know what to do
Ask the school for help, the sooner you solve this the better as dcho refusal is hard to beat once ingrained. Ask for the EWO who should be able to offer practical strategies.
How old is she ? I had a friend with a son who was a school refuser from a young age ,she just tried a few schools and finally found one he liked ,he is 13 now and goes quite happily .
She is 7. There aren't really any choices for other schools in the area and she gets stressed out, I think. Can be mildly aggressive but it's not her fault exactly, I think it's school building up on her. We aren't in the UK (sorry to drip feed, it just kind of goes out of your mind when it's everyday life?) unfortunately, there's a school counsellor which is pretty typical of the local area. We talked to the school on Friday and will have a meeting on Monday and she will go the school counsellor for a chat on Tuesday apparently. They just say to force her in.
I would agree you need to force her in as everyday she has off, the dread of returning multiplies. If you are still forcing her in 4 months later then you need to reassess.
Don't force her that's terrible advice
You need to identify the source of her anxiety
Please don't force her. What does she say when you ask her why she doesn't want to go? Does she find the work too difficult/easy? Is she finding it difficult to make friends? There could be so many reasons and while as adults they don't seem like much as children they are huge.
I hope this is a blip and you can sort it out with the school's help.
I have been known to go and collect a missing child myself when teaching y3. Done sensitively with a big smile, lots of encouragement and the support of the parents it can be very successful as usually the children follow a teachers instructions. I try to project a "right where is your bag, got your shoes on? good, lets be off then" sort of vibe! It then means the knows that even if they refuse the parent then I will be round to collect! The other children never know as I am "running an errand for the head". Doesn't usually take more than a few episodes. Obviously any underlying issues need to be identified but it does make it a "soft" forced into school IYSWIM. I agree that the school need to give you more support. Physically forcing them into school is just going to make any issues bigger but so is allowing her to effectively "choose" whether to go to school or not. Hope you get some proper support.
I agree with not forcing her, it wont cure her anxiety and will more likely make her worse.
Dd3 has had periods of school refusal and getting very anxious about going in, she has Asd and struggles with seperation.
Last time she was struggling the HT really helped and even offered to come and collect her from home. He also met up with her at playtime to make sure she was ok and had eaten something as she doesnt eat when she is anxious.
I think you need to tell the counsellor that you are not happy to force her and see what other suggestions he/she comes up with. I would also suggest a meeting with her form teacher and maybe the HT too to try to find out what is causing the anxiety.
Im the founder of a website which deals with school refusal which you can search for or google my name. Im also running a campaign to help all parents make change so that schools can help, recognise, support parents and make allowances over attendance issues concerning school phobia & school refusal. You can find this petition here epetitions.direct.gov.uk/petitions/62285 and sign it to make a change.
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