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Is anyone REALLY sad about their offspring starting school?

(89 Posts)
YesAnastasia Sun 01-Sep-13 21:45:01

I am. Is anyone else?

MummyPigsFatTummy Mon 16-Sep-13 16:40:19

Oh God - I still have a whole year to go before DD starts and this thread is making me sad already! I will have to really treasure our Fridays together this year, I think.

Mind you, the whole primary school application process has me in a complete panic already and it is only September!

I feel for you, OP sad

Bumblequeen Mon 16-Sep-13 15:55:43

I am a little sad that dd is growing so quickly. However I did not cry when she started school. To be fair dd has attended nursery full time since 11 months so she is used to being away from me for long periods of time. Not entirely happy about that but I had to work

I am a little jealous of those of you part timers/sahm's who spent your days/afternoons with your dcs in the park/coffee shops. I always felt so rushed dropping and collecting dd which was shared with dh. We used to collect her at 6pm daily. Feel terribly guilty. sad

BoffinMum Mon 16-Sep-13 11:55:18

Right, he only cried once we had penetrated the classroom today, so I suppose that is progress. However a factor in this is that his dad was gripping his wrist. I sent him in with his prize winning marrow from the under 5s class in the village show, so he's got something to show the other kids and teachers. That might calm him down a bit.

PeanutButterOnly Fri 13-Sep-13 20:36:59

Good luck BoffinMum. That sounds quite hard but it's good he comes away happy. All children are different in their reactions. My DS (now 9) used to cry about going to assembly when he started school. His younger brother 4.0 has started and is very cheerful about going in. However, I'm thinking that he is having to be more like a 5 year old at school with the consequence that at home he reverts to being more like a 3 year old. I had to carry him home part-way today, sobbing crossly because he had bashed his brother for something inconsequential and in the process inadvertently blown the seeds off the dandelion he'd picked. Ho hum, we'll what going full time next week is like!

BoffinMum Thu 12-Sep-13 20:59:56

Mine is still howling and pegged it down the street today away from the school gate. I had to fireman's lift him into class. We had a pow wow in the school office and the Family Support Worker is now involved. You could say it's not going well. hmm On the other hand he comes home chatting away about all the nice things he did at school. wink

Lucyadams184 Thu 12-Sep-13 14:50:39

My youngest started school yesterday, I feel a little sad because it's my baby growing up but she loved it. My daughter was really excited about it to the point that she ran in our room wearing her uniform to wake us up. We got the biggest grin as we left her going into her class.

My daughter is a October b'day so she was well ready for it although when my son started a couple of years ago I was more worried as he is a August birthday.

MrsDibble Wed 11-Sep-13 21:47:41

Not really sad but I do feel like it is only minutes since dd was a baby.

She is completely ready for school (October b'day) and has been in nursery/preschool so shouldn't really seem a big deal, but there is something about "big school" that says they are growing up.

FadedSapphire Sat 07-Sep-13 10:09:17

I have feeling BoffinMum I may have problems with mine. At fun intro morning last week he clung to my skirt and went very shy despite knowing many of the children. Also due to staggered intake does not start half days til mid next week. We'll see.....

BoffinMum Sat 07-Sep-13 09:56:13

Well mine howled and howled both days this week. hmmhmmhmmBereft, he was.

FadedSapphire Wed 04-Sep-13 16:52:45

My second/last child starts reception soon [staggered start]. May have to think about paid work [volunteer lots at mo]. Scary after long break.
For moment will use time in Reception to sort out cluttered, decaying house and garden plus 'up' my very poor computer skills in preparation for possible work. Will keep up volunteer stuff for time being.
So part of sadness is slight panic at change in my status [plus comments from others like 'so you must be going back to work soon then'. Not straight away I reply and get slightly judgemental looks from some]...
Money is tight but don't like assumption that I should start work again immediately.

Just waved DS off this morning.

We went past his preschool on the way and he knocked on the window and shouted 'I'm going to SCHOOL!' grin <not got prickly eyes at all, 'onest guv>

PeanutButterOnly Tue 03-Sep-13 20:54:07

I felt sad when the last one, DC3, finished nursery in July but what with working 4 days I feel that I'm not at home with him much anyway so it won't make too much difference now he's in school. That is quite sad isn't it sad I feel a bit distressed that I won't be there to pick him up on the first or second day but am rushing home from work at lunchtime tomorrow so that I can drop him off (he's doing afternoons only). He's only 4.0 so part of me is in denial about him really going to school. Elder DS was a summer born but didn't go till Easter.

WingDefence Tue 03-Sep-13 13:01:56

DS started this morning and I was really excited for him - the school he's going to is fantastic and I wish I was primary age again!

I wasn't upset at all, until I had to fight back the tears as he waved then turned back into line and went into his classroom for the first time.

But that's because I'm proud of him as well as little sad at the fact he's growing up so quickly - cliché but it's true. I do have DD who's 5mo so it's not my last go at this and I think it'll be harder when she goes as that'll be the end of the lovely young child stage unless I persuade DH to have more

everlong Tue 03-Sep-13 12:51:06

I think when your youngest/last child starts school it's always sad.

Ds5 has just gone back into year3. He's in the prep now which seems much more grown up than the kindergarten. I feel a bit sad about that if I'm honest.

But it's part of life. Changing and moving on. It's all good.

Can't wait to pick him up at 3.45 though wink

Saracen Tue 03-Sep-13 12:37:37

I agree with Rooners. True, it's wrong to sound off about HE to people who've made a firm decision to send their kids to school and are comfortable with that decision, just as it's wrong for parents with children at school to come onto the home ed board and suggest school as the solution whenever home ed families are having a rough time.

However, where people genuinely seem unsure about the decision they are making, and perhaps don't have all the information needed, I think it is acceptable to suggest that the decision might be considered, or reconsidered. There are a lot of misconceptions about HE, and many parents who eventually end up home educating say they wouldn't have sent their kids to school in the first place if they had known HE was a realistic option.

Still, I'm very sorry if I have upset anyone. I know that it isn't easy to feel your decisions are being questioned as you are going through a hard time. I did think twice before posting.

I'm happy for them, but a little sad for me IYSWIM, I love the holidays with us all just hanging out together on my days off. I never let on though, it's not about me. Although I empathise with DS, he hates going back every year, loves his holidays.

SkiSchoolRun Tue 03-Sep-13 09:32:53

I am excited for her not sad. She's ready and keen. I'm happy about that.

Growlithe Tue 03-Sep-13 09:31:33

Thanks for that Oblomov - I'd begun to think I had no heart for not feeling this way.

I was so proud of my two (Y1 and Y5) going in today without a backwards glance because they'd both met friends on the way in and were excited. I would have liked a little wave of course, but its not about me.

Now to clear up the mess in this house that they've made over the last six weeks - there are advantages! grin

Oblomov Tue 03-Sep-13 09:04:44

I do NOT feel this way. I didn't feel it with ds1, 5 years ago. And I don't feel it with ds2.
I am happy for him to go and I think he is ready. On visiting days, he just ran off, without a backward glance. He seems quite blasé about the whole thing.
I can only assume that it's because he has been going to school for years, to pick ds1 up and knows quite a few of the other children and knows the lay out.
I will miss my time with him. Because I love him so VERY VERY much. But I am not SAD.

iloveaglassofwine Tue 03-Sep-13 08:48:58

This is the thread for me! I am so sad at the thought of DD going to school. Rationally I kbow she will be fine and should love it but my heart breaks a little when I think back to all the time we've had together and often a memory pops into my head and I well up. She's been to nursery 2 days a week since she was 12 months so it's not like we've never been apart but, still this feels different - she's nor my baby anymore.

So i am holding tight to the thought that she is ready to go and it's the start of new adventures and new friends (for us both).

Gawd knows what i'll be like when ds goes!

Good luck to those starting today.

Rooners Tue 03-Sep-13 07:45:56

OP - I didn't have any family support either with ds1. It was awful. Partly why he went back.

They are more supportive about ds2, he's different...he learns by himself and is more socially adrift, a bit like me!

anyway sorry again and as you were.

Rooners Tue 03-Sep-13 07:42:46

But still Growlithe I don't think it's fair to state that missing them isn't a valid reason to HE. I think it's one of many perfectly valid reasons out there.

Rooners Tue 03-Sep-13 07:41:46

Oh, I totally didn't intend it to come across as smug or unkind - it was a suggestion, that's all, if you can imagine it being said with the very best of intentions then please do as that's how it was when I typed it.

I missed mine too, HE'd ds1 for a short while (he learned nothing apart from how to dissect a slug) and sent him to school when a place came up...he has never looked back.

Ds2 is HE at the moment but I don't know how it will pan out.

I just wanted to say it in case there were people here who hadn't considered it and might go 'actually, stuff this, I think we can make it work at home'. And be happier that way.

Total respect to those who want to use school. I didn't mean to rub anyone's noses in it or anything sad


Growlithe Tue 03-Sep-13 07:08:35

I don't think it's fair to come on a thread like this and talk about HE.

These parents have already made their decision to send their children to school, and are basically talking about their own feelings on the first day. Missing your child when they are at school is not a valid reason to HE.

You will soon get used to the routine of school guys. Don't think about the end of an era, but the start of a new adventure, where your child's life (and your own) is going to be filled with new friends, and new ideas.

Remember you aren't just handing them over and being shut out yourself too. For those with a bit of time on your hands as a result of this, most infant schools will bite your hand off at the offer of a bit of volunteering.

Above all, when you are upset today, be brave and keep positive positive positive for your child's sake of course. Any negativity from you will be attached to the school in their minds.

Good luck everyone.

Saracen Tue 03-Sep-13 00:30:17

"Rooners, I have considered that (a friend home eds her 4 DC) but it would only be worse when he decides to leave as a teenager!! I can visualise me hanging onto his ankles as he walks into uni..... That would be mean... Wouldn't it? wink"

Well I don't know, Shifty, because I haven't sent one off to uni yet. But in general I think the whole business of detaching myself from a growing child is easier without school because it's more gradual. My teenager is out and about quite a lot these days, and often spends a week at a time away from home. However, this has been building for years. We didn't have that experience of spending most of our time together for the first four years, and then suddenly spending 30 hours less per week together. I guess that is why school start hits people so hard, because it happens all at once.

Dd1 did try school for a while when she was nine. It wasn't the huge wrench it would have been when she was four. And the reason for that was that I was really 100% sure she would be OK there. A nine year old is more competent and grown up than a four year old. It felt OK to me. In some cases, the difficulty of sending kids to school is because parents really don't feel sure it's going to be the right thing for their child at that time. And maybe it will turn out to be the right thing after all in spite of parents' doubts, but it's undoubtedly easier to wave them off when you know in your heart that it is right.

That's not to say I won't cry when my kids move out. Of course I will! But I don't think it'll be any worse for me than it is for other mums.

Good luck to all of you anyway, and your kids! I hope it all comes out well for everybody.

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