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Hows does keeping them back work in practise ?

(14 Posts)
AngelaD Sat 03-Jun-06 17:50:35

My DD has a place at a school which I am not at all happy about sending her to aged 4 and 3 months, in a years time I'd have no kalms whatsoever. So how do I do it ? I spoke briefly with the scretary who brushed me off and said oh yes well she can do part time until September but then she'll be fine, I know my child, she will not be fine.
BUT there were 45 applications for 30 places so if we don't start do we lose our place ?
Many thanks

ScummyMummy Sat 03-Jun-06 17:55:27

I think you would lose your place, tbh, Angela. You need to talk to the head teacher directly, really. But I think he/she will be looking to reassure you rather than agreeing to delay your daughter's take up of the place. Is it a state school? My kids really did mostly play in the Foundation stage, if that's any comfort. They got a rude shock when "real school" started in year 1 but that's another story!

cat64 Sat 03-Jun-06 18:12:22

Message withdrawn

jollymum Sat 03-Jun-06 18:34:59

IMHO she needs to be at school, because they learn together at the "reception" stage. Toileting, tears, hankies, playground etiquette etc.. They still do loads of work but it's learning through play and also they start making friendships that last until Juniors. Why do you think she isn't ready, usually this happens with boys not girls, as girls are usually way ahead socially and mentally, ready for school. What are your concerns for her, apart from that she's quite young? Hope we can help

snorkle Sat 03-Jun-06 18:59:25

Message withdrawn

sparklemagic Sat 03-Jun-06 19:03:29

AngelaD I really sympathise. Govts have slipped this one in on society because they want women out at work contributing to society; at first school started a five yeard old, then 'rising fives' could join school in the term just before their fifth birthday, and now we are forced into this situation where four is in real terms the mandatory age for starting.

My three year old DS starts school in Sept when he will be four and a couple of weeks. As you will find, if I keep him back a year he will go straight to year one and miss out on all the stuff that jollymum describes below; I agree with Jollymum that this is what is good about reception, but I believe this should happen at five! It's not going to harm any child to wait till they are five for this, but at the very least there should be a flexible approach to it based on the needs of the child!

I have read on here some people who treat reception as kind of a continuation of pre-school in that if their child is not coping with a full day they will collect them at lunchtime, etc. Some schools cover their 'syllabus' in the ams so that some children can leave in the pm, I have heard.

And don't forget there is no legal requirement for kids to be at school until they ARE five, so be very very assertive with the school about what your DD needs and can or can't cope with, and hopefully you should be able to tailor her reception year to her more. And finally, you know your child best and if you really think she needs to not be at school this year don't send her!

Hope some of this helps!

AngelaD Sat 03-Jun-06 20:24:31

She is at school now but it's a tiny private school with only 80 in the whole infant department. That's part of the dilema too, the private school is tiny and caring but they aren't very accademic and that's why I fancied moving her to the state school but it's so big and scary, she's terrified to go through the gates.

sparklemagic Sat 03-Jun-06 20:37:37

tbh, if the place she is currently at is caring and your DD is happy there, and financially this is an option for you then why move her???

You don't know how she will be academically at this age;and I think any school should be teaching 'enough' to develop a Primary child. Would the state school necessarily be better academically? And does it really matter if they are? If she is bright she will do well wherever she is and surely it is better for her to be somewhere she is happy?

just thoughts!

LIZS Sat 03-Jun-06 20:44:54

If you could delay her starting until after Easter I think they may have to keep the space open though. Almost certainly you'd otherwise lose the place and she'd still have to go straight into year 1 in September 2007 with her peer group into a class of 30. You would then have to wait and see if there were a space at that school, or any other of your choice, bearing in mind kids can withdraw fairly close to the start of term, if not just no-show, so you may face an awful amount of uncertainty and stress. Perhaps she'd just be more suited (and you'd feel happier) to staying at her private school longer term and switching later , say at Year 3.

AngelaD Sat 03-Jun-06 20:44:56

We have the 11+ here and all the state schools are gearing up for this from 4yrs onwards, I don't want mine to be disadvantaged I guess, then there is the fact that the teaching in the junior school lacks integrity, it's just not up to standard IMO but she is happy, I've looked at other local private schools, I guess we'll have to keep looking.
The main problem is that she's still prone to melt downs and if not handled with care she can get into a right state, she once screamed for 7 hours with my MIL when I was in labour with the youngest because MIL was holding her the wrong way, it sounds ridiculas i'm sure but she's a sensitive soul.
I wouldn't have a problem with her joining year 1, they are pretty adaptable at this age aren't they ?

sparklemagic Sat 03-Jun-06 20:58:48

Angela I think there are lots of children who have joined schools late and joined established peer groups with great Best friend at school came in a couple of years after me!

Don't be tyrannised over, if you want her to start in year one go for it. I guess you would need to examine how you would feel WERE she to have problems settling etc.....but don't let everyone railroad you if you really want to wait.

Have to say everyone is different but there is no way that I would want to even consider whether my DS was in the right place to get taught in the right way to get the 11 plus....I think 'thinking ahead' like this with kids is unhelpful, you need to work with what you have in front of you NOW which is obviously a very sensitive girl....get her in the right place for her, and let the 11plus go hang....she will deal with whatever life throws at her so long as she is happy and feels confident. Where will she get most of that, I guess is the question????

jenkel Sat 03-Jun-06 21:08:45

I was thinking of delaying my dd's start at first until talking to lots of people. My dd is due to start in September, part time for 1 month and then full time, she will be 4 and 3 weeks when she starts school.

But what has changed my mind is that it is a tiny village school, she goes to the nursery attached for 3 morns a week at the moment, the class size will be 13 and its all the children from nursery. Also I like the idea of what they do in reception and I think its a gentle intoduction to school life.

I had to decide whether to delay her start into school, let her go in September or send her to another school. But have decieded to let her start in September, the school is also 5 mins from home so am sure that will help her confidence knowing that I'm not very far away.

singersgirl Sat 03-Jun-06 21:14:12

Just wanted to say that in our experience too (2 boys, one Y3 and one Reception, both born in August) Reception is very much an extended nursery - loads of play, great outdoor equipment and very little formal work.

I know it may be the size of the school overall that is making you anxious on your daughter's behalf, but usually reception classes are made to feel friendly and safe, often with their own toilets and fenced off playground. That was our experience even when DS1 started in a huge international school with 8 reception classes - it still felt like one class to him.

ScummyMummy Sat 03-Jun-06 21:39:46

I honestly think it might be easier for your dd to get used to school life in reception rather than year 1 tbh. Reception to year one has easily been the hardest transition my children have faced so far, I think it could have been even worse if they hadn't been with familiar friends and were still getting used to the whole experience of school. I am actually a big fan of the Foundation stage as properly taught in state schools. The focus on learning through play is there but so is the chance to get used to school routines in a relaxed environment. I think separating the latter from the first real taste of "sit down, be quiet and learn stuff" which comes in year 1 is a v good plan.

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