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How stressful to move twice?

(10 Posts)
LegoWidow Thu 23-May-13 16:34:33

We are currently contemplating moving house. DS is in Year 1 at an infants only school. DD will be starting school in Sept 2014. I've realised that for most of the places that we are considering moving to, there won't be a place for DS straight away at one of the schools that I'd like.

Depending on where we go, there is the chance that I'd be able to "commute" him back to his current school for Year 2, until a place comes up - but obviously that would only be for a year at most, as he has to leave his school at the end of Year 2 at the latest.

If either a) we move somewhere too far to commute him back (which is likely - one of the options is the other side of London) or b) we do commute him back to his current school for a year, but a place at one of my preferred schools doesn't come up in time for the start of Year 3, then he will have to go to another school in the borough we end up moving to. How stressful on a child would it be to move him twice? I feel sick at the prospect of messing him around but I'm not sure what I can do. At the very least, he would move to the top of the waiting list once his sister starts in September 2014 (we'd have to move somewhere to make sure she got in to one of the schools on distance basis).

I don't know if I'm worrying too much about this - and in a way, there are too many variables that I just don't know yet. There's also the issue of what a pain it would be to have them a 2 different schools. I guess what I'm asking though is if anyone has experience of moving a child a couple of times and how difficult that has been. Thanks

Fragglewump Thu 23-May-13 16:38:15

The younger they are the easier IMO as friendships are more fluid. I think it's more important to keep continuity of schools as they are older. My dd had three diff primary schools as we moved often but I would be more reluctant now she's at secondary. Try to look ahead before you move at the next schools up the chain.

LoveSewingBee Thu 23-May-13 20:13:32

If there is nothing you can do to avoid this, then it is a bit of an academic question really.

If you can avoid it, I certainly would. It seems very undesirable for such a young child to just get settled and then having to move again and then to repeat this again. Not good for his self-confidence. How it would affect him is hard to say, all children are different, but there will be some impact of course.

nightingalefloor Thu 23-May-13 21:22:50

My DD has done a lot of moving schools over the past few years, and while she's much more settled at home now (or so I like to think) she is still really struggling friendship wise, having been at her latest school since January. In the past I've moved around a lot for work, but I'm having to think more carefully about what I agree to now to avoid unsettling her again.

Based on DD's experience I'd say avoid having to move schools more than necessary if you can possibly avoid it, although it is worth mentioning that she has various other problems so most children probably would settle better than she did.

Saracen Fri 24-May-13 00:49:45

If you decide it would be too difficult on your son to change schools several times, could it be an option to home educate him while keeping him on the waiting list for the school you want? It could be simpler that way.

LegoWidow Fri 24-May-13 09:33:58

Thanks for your advice. I COULD avoid it by staying where we are - but I think that moving is something we'd need to do at some stage anyway and the later we leave it the worse we'll be (and we'd have 2 children to move). We applied for planning permission to extend our house - which we didn't get - and so we are looking at options for moving. We could stay, but it's not ideal. Also the secondary school options for boys near us aren't great and so that I do think that we will want to move at some stage - and it feels like it will be short term pain for long term gain.

I'm REALLY beating myself for not moving earlier - ie before he even started school - but as DP says, there is no point thinking like that as it's too late. I'm really stressing about this - but I think I need to just take it one step at a time and deal with the first issue first, which is putting our house on the market (and deciding where we'd want to move to) - and try not to worry too much about all the variables (she says, having laid awake since 4.45 this morning worrying about it!).

I don't know how I could home educate, Saracen, as I work part-time (3 days a week). It had crossed my mind. I think having been to a school too - to take him out and home educate him would not be ideal.

Kerryblue Fri 24-May-13 22:33:38

My ds moved in Year 1 to a small village school. This did not suit him (or me!) at all, so we moved him again after the easter of Year 3. It has caused him no problems at all, although he is quite a sociable character and makes friends quite easily.

At the end of the day, he was in his 3rd school for nearly 3.5 years - quite a long time - and made lots of lovely friends.

Don't beat yourself up about it all. I actually chose the small school for ds when we moved Even though at that time I was happy he got into that one, I felt really guilty we had not put him in the other one from the start when in Year 3 we found that school not really suitable at all.

He is now in yet another school - in Year 7 - and is doing fine.

LegoWidow Sat 25-May-13 22:41:17

Thats reassuring Kerryblue. I guess a lot will depend on the child. He's pretty sociable and confident but can be quite sensitive too. I think I need to just take one step at a time and stop worrying too much about all the possible permeatations as to how it could pan out.

Laura0806 Mon 27-May-13 15:39:05

my dd is extremely shy and finds it tough to settle, however at the end of year 2 , she has had 2 school moves and coped fine with both. Shes quiet but I think thats just her. Shes been in her current school since January and has friends and is very happy. At this young age they are very adaptable, much easier now than later although it can work well at any age. If you're positive he will be too.

LegoWidow Mon 27-May-13 22:09:41

Thanks Laura. I will do my best to avoid it, but if it does happen then I need to be positive. At the moment I'm feeling so anxious about the various permutations that I'm paralysed at the prospect of doing anything. But we will want to move in advance of secondary schools, so it makes sense to do it now, if possible. He will have to have one move anyway - as his school is infants only (without a linked junior - the kids get spread around to various schools in our current borough).

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