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Should school have contacted DS's sports coach about an incident that took place at school?

(246 Posts)
ptangyangkipperbang Tue 14-May-13 20:16:44

DS aged 8 got into a fight at school. It was over with in a few mins, the boys made up and they missed a playtime and had to write about the incident at lunchtime. I thought it had all been dealt with and supported the school by talking to DS about making the right choices, etc, etc.

A week later the boys went to judo and were called over by the coach who talked to them about their behaviour as one of them had mentioned a judo throw had been used when they were fighting.

It turns out that without asking permission from parents the school had contacted the judo coach to ask him to 'tell them off'. The school have a relationship with the coach because he'd run an after school club there in the past so he'd been put in a difficult position.

1. Can the school contact an outside body without a parents permission? (Excluding child protection)

2. Can the school 'sub-contract' discipline?

3. Have the school over reacted?

4. AIBU to be really cross?!

Any comments gratefully received as I'm a bit open mouthed about it all.

Littleturkish Wed 15-May-13 05:03:49

If he ran a club at the school he might be classed as staff.

I think they were very sensible and I would appreciate the fact they care!

Look at their motives, THEY have your son's best interests at heart- do you?

Mutley77 Wed 15-May-13 05:06:46

No - the school should not have contacted him and you have every right to be furious. The school could have quite easily given you a quick call and suggested that involving the judo coach was appropriate - to which it is then up to you to say yes or no.

NetworkGuy Wed 15-May-13 06:05:46

littleturkish - I read his link with school as past not current, so not on a par with staff.

NotTreadingGrapes Wed 15-May-13 06:08:25

As it seems fairly obvious (reading between the lines of why the school contacted the judo coach) that the fight they got into at school was using judo techniques that they shouldn't have been doing outside the judo class, if I were in your shoes I'd be threatening him with losing his judo class rather than pearl clutching about his human rights.

NotTreadingGrapes Wed 15-May-13 06:09:16

And in answer to 3...the school hasn't over reacted, no......wink

AuntieStella Wed 15-May-13 06:38:00

It's not clear fom OP that when he called "the boys" over, he was talking to a) one or two boys or b) all boys from the affected year group, or c) all the boys in the Lub.

Unless a), there really isn't a problem here. All martial arts require self-discipline and an understanding that you don't do it away from class. And if it was a), the problem is that it should have been b) or c); not that the coach needs to be involved in combating problem fighting (before someone lands on their neck in a playground fight and breaks it).

1. It is entirely correct that the school contacts the coach to ask him to reinforce (entirely normal) safety messages.

2. This isn't a subcontracting of school discipline, it's an existing, well-known and totally separate set of standards (which these boys failed to meet).

3. No.

4. YABU.

It's no different than, say, if a school had told an outside music teacher that his pupils had played well in an assembly, and the teacher had chosen to congratulate them.

Our kungfu coach used to say something about appropriate use just about every class.

It helps if identical behavioural messages arrive from all directions. The aim here is that they never do it again, isn't it?

mrz Wed 15-May-13 06:40:17

It is a breach of confidentiality if the school discussed specific children (by name) with a third party

Summerloading Wed 15-May-13 06:50:46

agree with mrz.

I know it's not YABU, but YANBU.

Summerloading Wed 15-May-13 06:51:31

Typing fail, should have read

I know it's not AIBU, but YANBU

AuntieStella Wed 15-May-13 06:54:45

Maybe OP will clarify whether it was specific (named) boys, all boys in year group, or all boys in the club who were spoken to?

Also confirm that is was indeed the school who told the coach, and not another parent. OP says "one of them" had mentioned a judo throw being used in the fight: can OP even confirm that anyone other than the boys themselves told the coach about this?

Growlithe Wed 15-May-13 07:53:17

I'm in two minds over this. Were the school wrong to contact the Judo Coach? Well yes, they were.

But OTOH if they had a good working relationship with him, if they trusted him, if they were worried that judo throws were being used in the playground, and were trying to do the right thing by everyone, then I would say they did the right thing, although they should not have named names perhaps.

Grammaticus Wed 15-May-13 07:55:22

The school did the right thing and if your son uses judo moves in a fight again then the judo coach should refuse to train him any more. Have a grip, OP.

heronsfly Wed 15-May-13 07:59:43

I think the school were wrong to contact the Judo Coach about specific named children. activities that the children do out of school hours is nothing to do with the school whatsoever.
They could have just asked the judo club to speak to all the members about not using moves away from the club. YADNBU.

Growlithe Wed 15-May-13 08:00:47

Also from the angle of the coach, he surely isn't being put in an awkward position so much as being given the heads up that the self control elements of his teaching could be a bit more effective.

FasterStronger Wed 15-May-13 08:05:58

how did the school have the judo coaches details? or even know he existed?

NotTreadingGrapes Wed 15-May-13 08:09:54

He worked at the school.

FannyMcNally Wed 15-May-13 08:15:13

Maybe the school's angle was that the coach needs to instil into his pupils once again about using moves. They may not have mentioned names because (unless I've read it wrong) OP says "[ one of the boys] mentioned a judo throw had been used when they were fighting". Only at that stage the identification may have come out.

All in all though, nothing to get upset about, I would have been pleased the coach was contacted.

FasterStronger Wed 15-May-13 08:15:23

thanks nottread. so he used to work at the school.

but how did they know the boys were being taught judo by him now and that it was a throw he taught them was used?

personally I think the safety of children should be above the safety if information but I cannot see how this situation occurred.

FasterStronger Wed 15-May-13 08:16:22

I really should read.

MirandaWest Wed 15-May-13 08:16:53

I think the school shouldn't have contacted the judo coach, but that the point being reinforced is a good thing.

NetworkGuy Wed 15-May-13 08:27:37

or, heronsfly, they could have suggested parents get judo coach to reinforce the 'not outside judo club' rules, but from the OP's posts, I feel the school took it on themselves to contact the coach, and he only talked to the two boys (hence him being put in an awkward position - by having to single out the two).

If the judo club was run by some stranger, could/should the school have even made contact?

As for those saying to OP to get a grip, she is getting flak for simply asking if school has any right to do this, esp if their own Policy document says not (so a few posters need to "get a grip" on the facts).

ubik Wed 15-May-13 08:28:15

FGS hmm

Good luck with your son's behaviour.

Mehrida Wed 15-May-13 08:36:49

I am a sports coach. I have a close relationship with staff at our feeder school. I'd expect to be made aware of 'an incident', although I wouldn't expect them to name names.

However, it would be important that I find out who it was so that I could let them know it wasn't on. I can assure you, they'll listen to their judo coach about the rights and wrongs of using judo a lot more than they'll listen to you/the school. Judo instructors tend to have an aura about them (putting it politely!)

Personally, I would be really pissed off disappointed if the parents didn't tell me about it. Were you planning to? Sounds like the school have inadvertently done you a favour.

jitterbug85 Wed 15-May-13 08:43:51

Can't believe the amount of posters assuming the op is more concerned about this then the actual fight. Of course she would have been more worried but that had been dealt with by the school and both families. It is now a non entity. There is the residual feeling of whether the school acted appropriately.

I am surprised the school did not inform you they would pass the info onto the judo instructor or ask you to make sure it is passed on. It might have been a coincidence that someone at the school told him in passing by chance and not went out of the way to tell him iykwim?

Maybe just pop a note to his teacher asking can you be informed if any information is being passed onto third parties in future?

pinkdelight Wed 15-May-13 09:16:06

There was a thread on here recently about teachers giving up, feeling swamped by parents complaining about things exactly like this. They try to do something helpful and all you can focus on is whether they have broken some inflexible rule and infringed on your DS's rights. There is no reason to even pursue this line of thinking. Yes there may be behaviour policies etc but can't a professional use their discretion once in a while? We all moan about the litigious/box-ticking/paperwork culture getting in the way, so why add another layer i.e. I must be informed whenever etc etc. It wears me out just thinking about it so no wonder teachers are getting fed up.

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