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Should school have contacted DS's sports coach about an incident that took place at school?

(246 Posts)
ptangyangkipperbang Tue 14-May-13 20:16:44

DS aged 8 got into a fight at school. It was over with in a few mins, the boys made up and they missed a playtime and had to write about the incident at lunchtime. I thought it had all been dealt with and supported the school by talking to DS about making the right choices, etc, etc.

A week later the boys went to judo and were called over by the coach who talked to them about their behaviour as one of them had mentioned a judo throw had been used when they were fighting.

It turns out that without asking permission from parents the school had contacted the judo coach to ask him to 'tell them off'. The school have a relationship with the coach because he'd run an after school club there in the past so he'd been put in a difficult position.

1. Can the school contact an outside body without a parents permission? (Excluding child protection)

2. Can the school 'sub-contract' discipline?

3. Have the school over reacted?

4. AIBU to be really cross?!

Any comments gratefully received as I'm a bit open mouthed about it all.

dilbertina Tue 14-May-13 20:21:32

This wouldn't make me cross to be honest. I would have thought one of the first things they were taught in judo would be when it was appropriate to use their judo skills and the importance of self-control. If they chose to ignore that basic tenet then who better to remind them than the judo coach.

ptangyangkipperbang Tue 14-May-13 20:24:49

I agree about the discipline in judo but is it the school's place to talk to the coach?

spanieleyes Tue 14-May-13 20:25:08

I don't think the school has "sub-contracted" discipline, they have asked a professional coach to reinforce the message that judo throws are for the judo class and not the school grounds. My children are currently learning taekwondo and the coach reiterates every week that they do not use their skills outside the training room.

WomblesOfCairngorm Tue 14-May-13 20:27:51

Absolutely fair. Judo throws are for using in controlled, safe environments and it should be absolutely drilled into them not to use it outside of the club.

WomblesOfCairngorm Tue 14-May-13 20:30:04

A perfect time for the saying "it takes a village to raise a child"

ptangyangkipperbang Tue 14-May-13 20:30:14

My problem isn't the coach talking to the boys, it's whether the school was allowed to contact him.

snowmummy Tue 14-May-13 20:30:18

Agree with the above. Your son has used a judo move despite knowing he should not. The coach has taught those moves, so should be informed and dish out discipline.

snowmummy Tue 14-May-13 20:32:10

I think that perhaps you should concentrate on what your son has done wrong. The school have acted reasonably in my opinion.

littleducks Tue 14-May-13 20:33:06

I think it might have been better for the school to contact the coach and say 'some boys you teach have been using moves at school, could you discuss how dangerous this is at your next class.' It does seem a bit odd to go telling tales as it were.

cansu Tue 14-May-13 20:36:08

You seem more concerned with keeping your ds behaviour quiet than dealing with the problem. It seems reasonable for school to speak to coach about incident to ask him to reinforce rules with ref to using judo appropriately. Imagine that this was another child and not your ds would you think this reasonable then? If so then you are being over protective and perhaps a bit embarrassed that your ds has been in a scrap at school.

mrz Tue 14-May-13 20:37:36

The school should not have spoken to a third party about your child.

bigTillyMint Tue 14-May-13 20:42:53

I guess Judo is similar to Taekwondo in that they should NEVER practice/use their skills outside the lesson/comp.

Was the coach upset that the school had contacted him?

I agree with dilbertina and wombles.

ivykaty44 Tue 14-May-13 20:44:09

everybody needs to be open about what is happening in a childs life and help and assist them to grow up, doing this by joining together and raising children into adults to be proud to be living around.

of course everyone needs to talk to each other when dealing with a child and why would incidents negative or positive be kept secret?

ShipwreckedAndComatose Tue 14-May-13 20:48:39

If the club is not specifically linked to the school I am surprised that the school contacted the coach.

I would have thought it more appropriate to ask you to raise the use of judo moves with your son or with the coach .

TravelinColour Tue 14-May-13 20:56:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Notmadeofrib Tue 14-May-13 21:00:43

Oh for goodness sake, why are people so hung up on the rights and wrongs of it?! It was useful. Feel the benefit!

ptangyangkipperbang Tue 14-May-13 21:01:53

Thank you mrz. This is what I'm trying to establish. Is a school allowed to contact 3rd parties as their Behaviour Policy suggests not? I also don't know if its a breach of confidentiality.

The boys were both wrong using judo moves and fighting. They'd been punished at school and at home. There is absolutely no way I'm excusing DS's behaviour but I just feel its wrong to involve a 3rd party.

Yes perhaps a general call to the coach not naming names could have been the best approach.

WomblesOfCairngorm Tue 14-May-13 21:09:12

What a weird thread. Your child did something wrong, school thought they could help him not make the same mistake twice. You are grumpy because the school are trying to ensure your child stays out of further trouble.

You should be thanking the school for taking the time to try and improve your child's behaviour.

The school are not talking to a random stranger, they are talking to one of their bank of sporting supply staff.

libertyflip Tue 14-May-13 21:21:00

In answer to your questions.

1. No, I don't think they can without informing you that they are but IMO this is daft.

2. I don't think they are sub-contracting discipline, clearly the boys were very wrong to use judo moves, and I think it is entirely appropriate for their coach to tell them so.

3. I don't think the school have overreacted

4. YABU to be really cross.

Ragwort Tue 14-May-13 21:27:55

You are more concerned about the school contacting the coach than the fact that your DS was involved in a fight hmm - talk about a sense of entitlement. Cannot believe your comments, no wonder so many kids (and adults) cannot take responsibility for their own actions, if you are seeking to ascertain the 'rights and wrongs' of 'subcontracting discipline'. Get a grip.

TheFallenNinja Tue 14-May-13 21:32:22

Finally, a school thinking outside the box. To be congratulated I think.

tchambers108 Tue 14-May-13 21:40:51

I think the school should have discussed/checked with you if you thought it was a good idea to ask the coach to speak to the boys (which is a good idea of course to help both boys). You should've been part of the whole picture...

NetworkGuy Tue 14-May-13 22:01:41

Might be worth asking in a legal section. Wonder what the Information Commissioner would have to say about a school acting in a potentially illegal manner. If they feel they can make judgements which go against their own (or LEA policy) then what other person or body might they contact in future.

I believe the OP is not 'avoiding' the need to point out the wrongdoing, and clearly both boys have been told off, not once, not twice, but seemingly three times (school, parents, coach), but this last one probably wasn't necessary, and if the judo club had been in another town, wouldn't have happened.

In my view, the school overstepped the mark (though unlikely the OP would want to discuss it further, or make a complaint), but I think it's pretty harsh of MNetters to have a go at her, simply for asking whether school in the wrong!

Mutteroo Wed 15-May-13 00:35:59

What some people choose to get angry about is beyond me! Sorry OP but I think you're overreacting.

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