Year 5 - Girls' behaviour

[cyclinghappy]

What is your experience of girls' behaviour in year 5? Our teachers say that there are problems almost every year but they settle down by the start of year 6. I've not heard of other schools having problems specifically in year 5. There has been a lot of nastiness this year that has been quite upsetting for some people. I'm hoping that next year is better.

[lottieandmia]

My experience is that girls friendships seem to get more tricky from year 3 onwards.

Girls can really be quite nasty to each other with their divisive little games. Sadly, I've not heard anything to suggest it gets any better in year 6 though.

My dd is in year 4. She had some issues with a couple of girls in year 3 who were new to the school, but who now seem to have settled down. She was very upset at the time because one of them who she was intially friendly with suddenly turned on her for no reason we could figure out.

I realised that although you can ask school to sort things out if they get out of control, it helps the child much more if they can learn to cope with the situation themselves.

I bought my dd some books about the kinds of issues that can arise with girl friendships. The book gave her advice on what to do and say in different situations and also helped her to see that this was not something that happened only to her. Since then she has seemed more confident to stand up for herself where necessary.

[lottieandmia]

Oh, and it's also my personal opinion that girls seem to get hormonal around this age which affects their moods.

[OldBeanbagz]

I know there are problem with the current Y5 girls at my DC's school. With my DD's class it was Y4/start of Y5 that was the problem and it settled down after that.

She's now Y6 and they're all getting on really well.

I blame their hormones

[DeWe]

I would disagree with that. My experience from dd1, is that year 4 you start getting the queen bee types who begin selecting their crowd. Year 5 they start getting nasty and year 6 are really nasty.

It might have been just dd1's year though.

It would be nice if it is because dd2's currently in year 4 and let's just say there's a few early developers if dd1's experience is typical.

[Clayhead]

DD's year five experience was vile.

[Groovee]

It's not got much better since moving to high school with regards to the child at the centre of all the problems but dd is no longer in her classes.

[Elibean]

I've heard the same about Y5, tbh. I know dds' school's current Y6 were really quite cliquey and horrid last year, but this year they really have settled down, are focused and much more of a team as they head towards leaving.

My eldest is in Y4, and there have been a few tears and issues this year, though thankfully not involving dd (who tends to shrug and refuse to get involved). I can well imagine next year will see a few more tears, a few more issues. Tis a hormonal time, the 'tweens'.

[prettydaisies]

Classes can be really different too. The girls in my class this year are all quite young in their outlook and get on reasonably well with each other, but also still play with the boys too. The other class is completely different. The girls are 9 going on 18, can be very cliquey and have 'attitude'!

[pointythings]

I haven't noticed with either of my girls (DD2 currently in Yr5) but have found that Yr7 is worse - some really vile cliqueyness/queen beeing. Fortunately DD1 (who is in Yr7) is a self-confessed geek and only interested in academics and sports. She has a group of like-minded friends around her, there are about 8 of them so not an easy target for bullies.

[ICantFindAFreeNickName]

Lottieandmia - what book did you buy. I think it might be useful for my daughter.

[lottieandmia]

A Smart Girl's Guide to Friendship Troubles

It's an American Girl book, but seemed very relevant for my dd as it had the very scenario she was affected by in it. HTH. There are various others too. And I've heard on MN about one for mums to read called 'Queen Bees and Wannabes'.

[Hassled]

I'd agree with your teachers - Yr5s can be pretty awful but by Yr6 they've mostly matured enough to accommodate each other.

[Dancergirl]

Why do we never hear from parents of these 'queen bees' on here if it goes on so much? Do they not know their dds are being nasty?

[OhYouBadBadKitten]

Yr5 is pretty hideous, but I think it does usually settle quite well in yr6

[numbum]

My DD was a y1 'queen bee'. But not in a nasty way! She's popular and confident but also very caring and arranges games where a lot of other children can join in. She's learnt a lot this year and been pushed out by a lot of the other y1 girls because their parents have slagged her off to their children and the children have joined in.

DD has distanced herself from a lot of y1 girls because those girls have told her what their parents have said about her.

[Troubledjo]

Funnily enough I feel like at this point in Yr5 the girls have all settled down a bit - definitely a lot better than Yr4 when they all seemed to be falling out with each other every other day. It feels like they have all started to accept each other and are much more tolerant of differences than they used to be.

[Dancergirl]

It worries me a bit that no-one ever admits that their dd is even a bit in the wrong. Things are often not as black and white as they seem.

numbum what did they say about your dd? Is it possible there could have been an element of truth?

[BabiesAreLikeBuses]

Depends on the class, i have found it usually happens with girls in y4 and boys y5 although depends on maturity, seems they have to reestablish pecking order and friendship groups, most classes settle down and learn to get along again but some don't... Especially when the parents have got overly involved in 'helping' and sorting it out for the girls...

[Startail]

Worst report I ever got was in Y5, for being cheeky, arrogant and not doing a single think I was told. In my case it was our lovely teacher who suffered.

But I think the same sort of wanting some independence, choice and control over ones own life also manifests it's self in peer to peer, parental and sibling social relationships too.

I don't have really clear memories of more than odd snap shots of school before Y5, but I do have clear memories of who I sat by, what the work was like and how I felt from about life from Y5/Y6.

I suspect there is a development in how independent DCs see themselves at that age. Certainly 9-10 year old Brownies are much more mature and self motivating and confident than the younger ones.

Of course confidence and wanting to be in control of your life doesn't make for calm friendships.

[CointreauVersial]

It's a tricky time. Lots of cliques and gangs start to form, but they are not mature enough to handle arguments and differences, so there is a lot of fall-out for teachers/adults to deal with.

A teacher friend of mine says Y4 is the worst.

[lottieandmia]

Dancergirl - there are not many parents who would start a thread entitled 'Guess what, my dd is a bully'! Although I've seen threads where people say their child was accused of bullying.

What you say though is true in as much that it's impossible for parents to know exactly what did and didn't happen. Which is why it is the school's responsibility to sort out actual bullying that happens on their watch.

I think that when it is not actual bullying, but girls being narky with each other or falling out it's best to try to give them the tools to deal with it themselves. My mum was far too quick to intervene when I was having problems with someone at school and as a result I grew up not well equipped enough to deal with things myself and had to learn the hard way.

[numbum]

dancergirl No not at all! I checked with her teachers because I was worried about it after a friend told me what the other parents had been saying. The teachers said that DD was a peace keeper and that the only problem they'd seen was that she'd alienated herself from a lot of the y1 girls because she liked to include the less popular children in her play.

[Wouldntyouliketoknow]

Yes, in my experience Y5 is definitely the worst year. It does continue on to Y6 but usually settles towards the end, as they're all getting ready to leave.

Would recommend 'Queen bees and wannabes', although it mainly focuses on teen girls. Will most probably give you a shock about what's to come!

[Dancergirl]

She sounds lovely numbum I see what you mean now, so the other girls didn't like her playing with the less popular ones so said nasty things about her?