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Inviting the 'naughty' one round

(6 Posts)
Redbrickfront Fri 03-May-13 20:18:55

I was hoping for opinions/ experiences regarding inviting a 'difficult' child round for dinner please.

My dd (5) has been having quite a few play dates at our house and other girls. One particular child keeps asking my dd if she can come over (basically inviting herself). The problem is this child tends to hone in on one child and not allow them to play with anyone else and becomes very domineering and nasty. Some of the behaviour my dd has explained really shocks me and she has in the past pushed my dd to the floor and screamed in her face aggressively. This dc gets invited to lots of parties but the mother never rsvps or turns up, hasn't been on any playdates and as such she isn't getting any social time and I'm probably being naive but I can't help feel this is why she becomes so possessive of any girl that extends the hand of friendship. Her mum doesn't interact with any of the other mums either.

My dd says this girl can be really good fun but I also know she gets upset if she's the target for the day and not allowed to play with others.

My head is telling me to just stay clear because I know she'll fixate herself on my dd and I desperately don't want her upset really her mum could help her situation by bringing her to a few parties. My heart is telling me that by excluding this child we're making a rod for our backs and the behaviour could potentially get worse and I should invite her over one evening. I do feel desperately sorry for her but do I risk my daughters happiness???

CrapBag Fri 03-May-13 21:06:30

What does your DD want to do? I think at this age you may need to accept that your children will pick their friends, regardless of who would like them to be friends with. If your DD wants her to come over, then you could do it once and see how it goes. If you aren't happy with the behaviour, then don't invite her again.

If your DD doesn't want to invite her, then there is no reason for you to say yes anyway.

This sounds so much like a situation in my DS's class. There is a girl who likes another girl to the point where she won't let anyone else play with her as well. Even the other children get fed up and say they can't play with x because y won't let them. x moans about it but she still says they are best friends.

narmada Fri 03-May-13 21:47:10

The possessive behaviour you are describing in your DD's classmate could also be because of SEN. It sounds like the mum ( is there a dad on the scene?) is either feckless or struggling badly.

Sorry, that's of no practical help... it's only one playdate tho. maybe you could give it a go and if it's a disaster then don't repeat it?

squiddle Fri 03-May-13 22:25:01

Just let your dd invite a friend home from time to time - it doesn't sound like this is the child she will pick so why would you try to force things? Your dd is only 5, and needs to feel safe and happy in her home. You can help her by letting her talk about her friendships and giving her the odd strategy to help with tricky situations.

ryanboy Sat 04-May-13 20:55:38

does your dd want her to come? if she doesn't ime there is a very good reason why not.Don't do it .It won't end well!!

Restorer Sat 04-May-13 21:11:45

If and only if your DD wants her to come, I would invite her and be very very strict about behaviour from the minute she walks through the door. Your house your rules etc.

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