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Would anyone be kind enough to help word a letter for me?

(16 Posts)
LittleMissStressy Thu 02-May-13 19:19:59

Yesterday an incident happened between ds and another child. The other child did something by accident and my ds(8) lashed out in anger, when calm went back and apologised to the other child without prompting.

Today the teacher talks to ds and says the other child's parents have emailed in complaining and ds can either apologise or get a detention. Being a contrary, stubborn pain in the rear ds refuses to apologise on the bases he already had so got detention.

I'm not happy for 3 reasons. 1. Ds wasn't asked he's version of events. 2. He was being forced to apologise when he already had 3. The other child didn't apologise for hurting ds in the first place.

I accept I may be unreasonable about number 3 I just deal if you hurt someone by accident you should always apologise and that's basic manners our children should be learning.

LittleMissStressy Thu 02-May-13 19:21:54

I don't want to go in all guns blazing I'd just like to check what I've been told is accurate and if so I'm not happy with the way it was handled.

Rainbowinthesky Thu 02-May-13 19:23:00

I do think that your ds is old enough not to lash out because of an accident regardless of whether the other child said sorry or not. There is no harm done in apologising again surely and I would still think a detention was in order as well as the apology.
Does he need to give his version of events? You say he lashed out in anger because of an accident. What else do they need to know?

Roshbegosh Thu 02-May-13 19:23:07

What do you want to achieve?

SJisontheway Thu 02-May-13 19:26:14

He's being punished for intentionally hurting another child. He could have avoided punishment but chose not to sue to his stubborness. I really would leave it.

Coconutty Thu 02-May-13 19:26:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StuffezLaYoni Thu 02-May-13 19:26:50

I think he needs to learn that actions like "lashing out" have consequences. It's really positive that he apologised, but he needs to learn tat in life you don't avoid consequences by apologising.

Rainbowinthesky Thu 02-May-13 19:27:47

I also think that at this age an apology just doesn't cut it regardless of whether he was made to do so or not. Was it a one off completely out of character?

Bowlersarm Thu 02-May-13 19:31:21

If you want to take it further, you could start something along the lines of 'i understand from DSlittle that there was an incident yesterday in class/in the playground. Could I just clarify from his point of view that.........' Etc.

However, was it so bad that he had to apologise again? Couldn't he just have said "well, I said sorry to incidentboy yesterday, but yes I am sorry I hit him. I think he should have said sorry to me too for hitting me in the first place"

Rainbowinthesky Thu 02-May-13 19:32:27

But we don't know what the other child did?

LittleMissStressy Thu 02-May-13 19:42:00

I completely agree with the punishment and ds has an extra punishment at home and has been told in no uncertain terms he is completely in the wrong.

Ds has anger issues due to a previous incident at the school which he receives counselling for and is being taught that once an incident is done move on and don't go over it again. This is because he's anger gets internalized and he becomes very negative, refuses instruction and shout or is rude/nastys. He did not hurt the child physically.

If the school had said 'ds your being punished for the incident' I wouldn't get involved but they have said it's because he's not apologised. They don't know he already has because the other parent didn't mention it in the email and they didn't give him a chance to say he already had.

Rainbowinthesky Thu 02-May-13 19:44:19

The trouble is this is real life and sometimes you do have to apologise twice for hurting someone. It may not be strictly fair but it is a consequence of his action. Hard lesson I know.

LittleMissStressy Thu 02-May-13 19:53:21

I agree he should have just apologized again. It wouldn't have killed him and could have avoided all this hassle and he has been told this.

There's a whole back story here but suffice to say due to he's history the teacher always thinks the worst of ds and 90% of the time it's been proven that ds is the innocent one. I think this is the straw that broke the camel's back. I'm just so fed up of ds always being the bad guy because the teacher won't listen him so now ds has given up trying

ipadquietly Thu 02-May-13 19:54:36

Perhaps you should help ds word a letter to the boy he lashed out at, rather than you write a letter to school about an incident you didn't witness.

LittleMissStressy Thu 02-May-13 19:55:48

Sorry posted to soon.

But I accept I'm over reacting on this one so will drop it and arrange a meeting to discuss the overall attitude towards ds

Thanks for taking the time to reply

Bowlersarm Thu 02-May-13 20:01:59

OP I think it's hard for anyone to tell you how to word a letter because no one quite knows what you are getting at, or what you want to say.

Sometimes life isn't fair but it's not the end of the world that he had to apologise twice.

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