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Is there some bullying going on there?

(7 Posts)
NotSureWhatItIs Wed 24-Apr-13 17:48:21

ds has been 'off' for some time now but it all has come to halt today. He came out of football (done at school after school) crying, impossible to calm down.
Turned out that he has once again felt he was put aside by other children 'for being different' (I am not british and he has a dual citizenship, british and mine but tbh he is much more british than anything else as he has never lived in my home country) and been asked to be in the goal 'because no one wants to be there' and 'he asked to swap but no one wanted/listened to him'.
And then proceed to explain that it's the same on the school playground and he had been told 'he would go in the goal or he would get beaten up' so now he doesn't even dare asking any more....

I have to say, I am not sure what to think.
On one side, he is clearly upset and has felt 'different' for some months. He even has a list of things you should do to 'be liked' by people and he is at the bottom of the list. He also has few real friends. But up to now, this has never been an issue ie he was well integrated even though he said he didn't have a real friends.
On the other, part of me is wondering if this is just not an issue re loosing at football and being a bad loser. Which he has been in the past but never to this extend.

What do you think?

NotTreadingGrapes Wed 24-Apr-13 17:51:36

It sounds like it to me, probably not because of any perceived nationality difference but just because kids can be bloody horrible. I would ask the teacher, or whoever runs the after school thing what is going on. Maybe speak to class teacher as well?

(and tell him goalies wear the number 1 shirt for a reason wink

NotSureWhatItIs Wed 24-Apr-13 17:55:04

The guy at football is really but didn't quite see all that happened. He thought that he had an issue with one other child (he threw the ball on ds back) and was clearly wondering if there wasn't something else going on in school.

But ds hardly mentioned the child, just saying he had done something 'stupid' his word when someone hurts him by accident ...). So not the issue at all.

It took him 30 min to come out of the school with one the guy looking after the dcs at football with him trying to stop him from crying.

NotSureWhatItIs Wed 24-Apr-13 17:55:21

But yes I will have a word with him too.

learnandsay Wed 24-Apr-13 17:56:28

If my daughter came from anywhere crying and inconsolable I'd take her straight to the adult in charge, there and then, and ask for an explanation.

NotSureWhatItIs Wed 24-Apr-13 22:30:08

Well perhaps a bit more complex with children playing football and being quite competitive.
ds (Y4) is still at an age where 'loosing a match' means he will come out grumpy. And I know a few if his friends can still be crying out of frustration etc...

I also had an explanation for the leader at football. It's just that his explanation and what he thought was the problem isn't quite the same that what ds is telling me.

kw13 Thu 25-Apr-13 12:29:48

It sounds as if it's going to be really difficult to find out what exactly happened at the football - but good advice from everyone else. I wonder, also, if it might be worth getting some play dates at your house with some of your DS's class mates? It might help him if he has the space to develop some relationships with his classmates that isn't the playground. Something a bit more on his terms. If he can't think of anyone to invite, then it might be up to you to think of who to ask and to initiate it with the other parents. I did something similar when my DS joined a school later than everyone else. It can be quite daunting and you don't always get it right, but it has so paid off in the long run. Good luck.

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