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DS age 8 - feels different, doesnt get on with boys in his class. Very worried Mum

(15 Posts)
mummatotwo Tue 26-Feb-13 14:01:10

Worried about my DS age 8 yr 3.

His class has some quite strong characters in it boys who are very bright and some who are quite attention seeking. Most are quite sporty.

DS says he is different he doesnt like playing with them as they aggrivate him and annoy him as he rises to them which makes them do it even more. He says he doesnt have many friends in his class.

He likes playing with a couple of older boys which Ive said is fine.

Ive told him that it is fine that he has a handful of friends who are good friends.

He is an only child - not sure that has much to do with it mind you - he goes to Beavers which is great as he mixes with outside children away from school, maybe I should find some more activities outside of school

Anyone else going through this

PolkadotCircus Tue 26-Feb-13 14:22:51

My son 9 is very swotty/geeky and says he'd rather read in the library than play outside at playtime.He's not that sporty and tends to veer to girls, re boys he has a couple of quite geeky friends. His twin sees to go on loads of play dates and sleepovers but not this one.Says he doesn't have much in common with the boys in his class as they only care about football.

Not overtly worried as think it's a funny age.Girls and boys tend to pay separate,football big.Also he is very happy,loves school,is kind and gets on well with people iykwim.

Was maybe a bit more worried last year as he wasn't so happy but think some of it was the year 3 transition(crap in our school)and his teacher didn't get him so well as this one.

When I chatted with him he told me to stop worrying so I

PolkadotCircus Tue 26-Feb-13 14:25:12

I'd do more stuff outside of school that he is interested in and give him time.Is he happy?

To be honest dp and I are quite discerning re friends,can't arsed if I haven't got much in common always polite and kind though.

HorribleMother Tue 26-Feb-13 14:40:33

Shouldn't he be in cubs if he's 8 (sorry, aside).

I've said this before, it was a cut-throat age when I was 8yo and I see that it tends to be such for my DC, too. Children become very tribal and those without a strong core gang can feel quite left out/isolated.

I have no idea what you do to fix it, though.

PolkadotCircus Tue 26-Feb-13 14:45:50

I don't think you need to if he's happy.Celebrate his individuality.I'm kind of glad I've got one non football mad son.

Moominsarehippos Tue 26-Feb-13 14:46:10

How do they annoy him? Why do you think he feels different - is he academic, unsporty, shy...?

Elibean Tue 26-Feb-13 15:01:57

There is a lovely lad in dd's class who feels much the same about his fellow boys...he just feel different. He's bright, a bit of a dreamer, lateral thinker, and not sporty. He gets on fine with the girls, but most of the boys at that age are into sport of one sort or another - hence he feels lonely.

At Beavers (Y4 - also at Beavers!) he gets on well with the boys, and has friends, but possibly the difference is that its for a short time and their time there is structured so they have to work together on the sort of things that this boy enjoys. No playtimes outside kicking a soccer ball around, etc.

I only know all this from his mum, who is a friend (and he is not an only child) - but sounds very similar, and I think is fairly common. It also sounds as though you're giving him reassuring feedback, good for you smile

mummatotwo Tue 26-Feb-13 16:55:54

To answer a question hmm cant go to Cubs until after Easter when there is a place.

He's not happy he;s a thinker and thinks deeply about things and others

mistlethrush Tue 26-Feb-13 17:00:18

DS doesn't want to play football and started off the term saying that he found all the games with 'his friends' boring. I suggested that it was probably better to play with his friends doing something a bit boring than not play with anyone all lunch break - and we sorted out a few beyblades and match attax cards and he's happy again because he's playing with his friends. I also got him some Jacks to play with as an alternative (and that would be something he could play on his own) Could you find out if there's an 'in' thing that he could take part in like that?

PolkadotCircus Tue 26-Feb-13 17:04:35

Right have you spoken to the teacher?

I agree re finding some in thing,teacher could help,let her know you're worried.

RaisinBoys Tue 26-Feb-13 21:01:11

Hi this was my DS in Y3. Deep thinker and a bit of a worrier.

He played with the girls and a couple of the more gentle boys.

He felt sad that he wasn't more sporty (it did not and still does not come naturally to him), as football was the main currency of cool among the boys.

We 'bigged up' his cycling - he joined a club; told him how wonderful it was to be into books; he joined Cubs and loved it.

Scroll forward to Y5. Parents evening tonight. He is doing really well; he still plays with the girls sometimes but also now joins in with football when he wants to, he's confident, well behaved and "an absolute delight to teach". He has a small group of close friends.

My DS is never going to be the super confident kid at the front with the sharp elbows. Instead he has a rapidly developing quiet confidence and I couldn't be more proud.

Please speak to the teacher if you're worried but don't let the worry get out of hand. Develop his outside interests - it is good for them to know that school is not the be all and end all.

Good luck

RaisinBoys Tue 26-Feb-13 21:03:44

Second the beyblades thing. Does no harm to be interested in friends' (or potential friends') interests some of the time.

Also playing with older boys fine too.

mummatotwo Tue 26-Feb-13 21:50:42

thanks raisinboys...sounds like my DS.

He dislikes football and most of the kids play this at the local club and at playtime so he doesnt have much in common - they are all football mad.

However he is trying a school football club next week - his choice.

I need to get his head around thinking about other friends outside of school

difficultpickle Tue 26-Feb-13 23:46:16

Ds (8) doesn't like football and at his previous school he used to take a book and sit and read at breaktimes. I tried to encourage him to play with other boys at school but it seemed that the only choice of games was football or bulldog. At his current school he apparently sneaks inside during breaktime and does music practice or goes to the library. I assume he must be allowed to do this as he isn't hiding. He seems quite happy despite not having any particularly close friends. I prefer that to the alternative, which seems to be prevalent with girls - best friends one week and not talking to each other the next.

RaisinBoys Wed 27-Feb-13 00:23:31

Hope your DS has fun at the football club.

They are a bit football crazy at that age but as they get older other interests develop and your DS will, I'm sure, have the confidence to take or leave football.

He'll be just fine (but mention it to teacher anyway if you want some reassurance).

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