Is this normal playground stuff - reception year

[Speedos]

DS (5) has said to me that he doesn't like playtime sometimes as sometimes the other boys don't let him play with them. I mentioned this to the teacher and she said it is normal playground behaviour but she would keep an eye on it in case of any pattern forming.

We had a party yesterday with classmates and I saw one particular boy not letting him play again (same boy he has mentioned before) Is this normal or should I follow up with teacher after half term?

I actually thought they were friends and we have a playdate at his place on Tuesday!

His school report said he had a large circle of friends but it does tug at my heartstrings to see him being excluded. I had a shocking time at school myself being excluded although I was older than him now, however I am very sensitive to it.

Any opinions on this kind of stuff?

Many thanks.

[MephistophelesSister]

It is always a bit tricky when you are looking at individual personalities. From the other side, though, I have seen my DD being the one doing the excluding - that is also horrendous to watch play out.

I would keep the playdate and see for yourself how they interact. Might just be that once other children are removed from the equation things work better and they play nicely. At the very least they get some time to make some attempt at bonding and playing, which can't hurt.

How do you get on with the other parents? Do you know them? It can help if everyone is on the same page IYSWIM.

Do be prepared for the playdate to go badly though. With the best will in the world sometimes characters clash, and no attempt from outside to initiate reconciliation will work.

My DD is better with the child she was excluding, but they will never be bosom pals. We did a couple of playdates, which were quite a painful process. In our case neither child was a complete angel, but DD was definitely the worst offender behaviour-wise.

Good luck

[Speedos]

Thanks, will see how we go on Tuesday. The boy and his mum have been around to ours last half term and it was fine, not sure what has happened since then.

I do know the mum reasonably well, not sure I want to say anything though! I haven't really pushed my DS for details as didn't want to make a big deal of it, I just told him to find someone else to play with or tell the teacher.

My DH thinks it is boys competing for the 'popular' spot, do they even have that going on so young?

[MephistophelesSister]

They are all deciding who they are going to 'marry' in my DD's class, and there is always a scrum over who gets to sit next to one particular boy - so I would say that yes, they definitely start it all that young!!!

I guess because they are so small feelings get hurt/things get taken to heart very easily. I'm sure your husband is right .

[ByTheWay1]

I'm a midday supervisor and "hurt feelings" is one of the hardest, most heartbreaking things to deal with in the playground....

If children are excluding others, we can't make them want to play together, but we can let them see what they are doing, and point out that it's no fun to be left on your own when others are playing, so perhaps they could make a game that everyone could play... etc...

Some kids always pick the "meany" to play with though, which really makes it hard for themselves.. we try to steer them towards someone else, but it is always "so-and-so won't play with me" which is frustrating day after day...

The worst are the girly threes .... why do girls choose to be in threes - usually one gets left out

[peppajay]

Have exactly the same problem with my 4.5 yr old DS. I help at school and when I see him on the playground he is usually playing alone but from what I can gather this is more his choosing because he can't play with the boys in his class as they play dr who and skylanders he is no idea what these are as he still likes Thomas and cloud babies!! He hasn't been invited to any boys party's altho he has gone to 5 of the girls party's!! It doesn't seem to bother him at all tho more me. I asked him the other day if he would like josh to play who is a boy he plays with sometimes but he said no as he won't want to play baby things which really breaks my heart. It does seem that every boy in his class except him has at least 1 older brother there are 3 in his class with 2 older brothers so do think a lot of the boys are a lot more maturer in their play than they should be!! Does make me really sad though but he really loves school and seems happy I suppose I should just relax but it is horrible. The bitchiness seems to start south earlier nowadays and seems just as rife in boys as well as girls!!

[peppajay]

So much not south