How to help a 5yr old who cries easily?(35 Posts)
Ok, so we went to Parents' evening at school last week. Everything is fine, DS doing very well and the teacher was really pleased (he's in Reception).
But his teacher did say that it is beginning to be noticeable that DS cries very easily, particularly at playtime. It seems to be when he's tagged, or 'out', or if the others don't want to play the same game as him and his default response is to cry. He works himself into a bit of a state and then 5 mins later he's back playing and it's forgotten.
We do notice at home that he's quite sensitive and emotional but we thought it was getting better. He is a bit of a perfectionist, likes to get things right and also likes to know what's going to happen next. When things don't go according to the plan that he's mapped out in his head he cries.
I just don't want him to be seen as a cry-baby at school and he seems so little to be told to 'man up'. We do talk about feelings and emotions but I don't want to make it a bigger issue.
School now seem to think it's a problem and have introduced a sticker chart for him - he gets a smiley face after playtime if he hasn't been upset and a sad face if he has. I'm worried that his enjoyment of school is going to be marred by what I feel is something that he will naturally grow out of as he matures and deals with his emotions better.
Has anyone ever dealt with something similar and could share their strategies? I feel he needs something practical that helps him to cope with his feelings of frustration or being cross with resorting to tears.
'Socharlotte your world sounds very narrow and not very kind IMO
they are not meant to be unkind
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
My dd is like this ans she is nearly 7. She is sensitive and quick to cry - it's shit for us, for her, for her classmates - we know this however we have tried lots of strategies and nothing seems to work. She is know as a cry baby and she now gets no sympathy from her peers
even when someone shoves her face into a roughcast wall
She does not however cry when she loses at a game but at things like not being picked to readout in class, at people not being fair, at people being mean to others
This has been blamed on her being an only or a Pisces or learned behaviour and I'm at the end of my tether. My catchphrase for nearly 7 years has been "crying doesn't change mummy's mind"
Watching with interest
Lucylight In my experience being sensitive with your own feelings, does not necessarily mean they have sensitivity to others.Your kids might.But IME there is no correlation.
Socharlotte, have you been manipulated by a crybaby?
I don't know.I am over 40 and can't remember that far back.But I work with literally hundreds of children a week and have come across lots of them. habitual criers have often cottoned on to the potentail for attention seeking and/or manuipulation.Again only speaking from my experience.I don't know the OPs DS so can't comment
Socharlottet, as unconftable as it makes me feel, taking into consideration my own child, I think you are right in a way. Sometimes, children do get stuck in a rut of using tears to express/manipulate/whatever when things are not going their way.
There is a middle ground but not all children are on it. Some children may be manipulating others with crying but I'd rather that than with friendship or love (you do this/be like this and I'll be your friend).
Children manipulate to get what they want from the first days of infancy (looking cute and crying for milk!) and, like everything else, they need to learn to lose this. Being forced to "toughen up" is not the answer imo as the tears will be quite genuine in a lot of cases.
From my observation of dd2 who tears up easily, peers give way to one in tears, but like them less for it. They give way to stop the tears, avoid getting into trouble, but resent having to do so.
I've found with dd2 encouraging her to be more empathetic to others helps. So she doesn't cry because she's lost because she's pleased for her friend that won. She doesn't cry because she hasn't got what she's wanted because X and Y also didn't get it. Seeing that she wasn't singled out for something she didn't want has helped considerably, and thinking about how others feel helps her not to focus on how bad she feels.
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