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DD born on cutoff date and I want to hold her back - advice please

(104 Posts)
coldfingersandtoes Wed 06-Feb-13 19:44:11

DD was born at 9pm on the 31 August, so is therefore due to start school this September. I really strongly believe that this is going to be totally wrong for her. I know that each child is different and some with that birth date are going to be ready, my DD is definitely not one of them! My son is also an august baby and he was young but ready for school and has coped ok. My DD is very young for her age, her speech is only now coming together, she didn't say a word until she was 2.5 and now speaks ok but is still quite far behind other children her age. She really struggles to settle into new places or situations, it has taken her nearly a year to get the hang of nursery and only now is happier about going in. She has a little circle of friends, all of whom will be starting the September after (2014). I desperately want her to start reception that year too rather than this year. I know she doesn't have to legally be in school until she is 5 but then she would miss reception and have to go to year one, which I also don't want her to have to do. I have a meeting with the headteacher tomorrow morning to discuss the situation and I know he is going to try and tell me that cutoff is final and I have no choice. I am going to really fight my corner on this one though, so if anyone has any advice they can offer me tonight I would be grateful, so I can go in fully armed tomorrow!

NickNacks Wed 06-Feb-13 19:49:44

I'm sorry but I want you to be prepared... They are quite strict with this and you just won't be able to. sad

learnandsay Wed 06-Feb-13 19:49:55

Are you sure you've got a corner to fight? If I was as convinced as you are that I didn't really have a case I'd ask his advice.

LaVitaBellissima Wed 06-Feb-13 19:52:05

I don't know where you stand legally but my DSis was born late August and my mum always says how much she struggled and she wished she had tried to hold her back a year.

Good luck

BoysAreLikeDogs Wed 06-Feb-13 19:56:33

We are assuming you are in england, is this right? If so you can miss reception but must enter yr1 for her age

No holding back in england afaik

TheDoctrineOfSciAndNatureClub Wed 06-Feb-13 19:56:45

It is very unusual except where there are special needs that are specifically addressed by this.

Is the head teacher the head of the primary school you expect DD to attend? I don't think it will be his decision.

BoysAreLikeDogs Wed 06-Feb-13 19:57:27

Oh gah, I see you've put that in your op, sorry

Pozzled Wed 06-Feb-13 20:00:20

It is possible to defer and still go into reception, but I think it's very rare and you would need independent evidence to support you. Has she been seeing a speech therapist? Or is there a HV who knows her well? What do the nursery say?

Have you contacted the Local Authority directly? I would have thought it would be a decision from them rather than individual schools. Even if not, they will have a policy on it.

Wrt your meeting, you should make a list of specific concerns e.g. her speech, and why you think she will struggle with school, back your concerns up with evidence as much as possible.

learnandsay Wed 06-Feb-13 20:01:01

Can she do some half days and be home-educated for the rest of the time so she isn't too far behind next year?

celebmum Wed 06-Feb-13 20:04:23

can't you tell the school they've made a mistake and her birthday is infact 1st sept!? or is that a big no no?confused

barleysugar Wed 06-Feb-13 20:09:29

Oh, I just want to tell you she will be just fine, just as I was.

Any chance you could let her start doing half days or just defer till the Easter term?

KatherineKrupnik Wed 06-Feb-13 20:10:00

You have to show the birth certificate, so no.

Floggingmolly Wed 06-Feb-13 20:15:32

No, you don't have a leg to stand on, unfortunately. My middle child has a late August birthday and I would have killed to have been allowed to do this, but no go.

tougholdbird Wed 06-Feb-13 20:18:39

Sorry, another one here with a DS born 30 aug, tried everything i could think of to delay but best offer I could get was he could start school in Y1, which would have been so much worse for him, trying to catch up with the others.

PeanutButterOnly Wed 06-Feb-13 20:19:10

I feel your pain coldfingers It seems a difficulty I resign myself to me as mum of one born mid-August, so born 3 hours before the cutoff must seem very hard. Good luck.

Ilovesunflowers Wed 06-Feb-13 20:19:31

There is a long time until September. Lots of time for her to be ready. You'll be amazed how much she grows up by then. 6 months is a long time at that age.

Could you consider mornings for the first few weeks?

IslaValargeone Wed 06-Feb-13 20:21:00

Why don't you home ed for a year?
They aren't doing algebra in reception, so do some letters, numbers etc at your own pace and concentrate on building up her confidence. You'll find friends and support from local home edders in your area.

dixiechick1975 Wed 06-Feb-13 20:23:38

If private is an option then they can be more flexible - there is an August child out of year in DD's class (should be in class above).

LeeCoakley Wed 06-Feb-13 20:26:12

I can't believe you didn't hold her in for another 3 hours! What were you thinking! grin

Blessyou Wed 06-Feb-13 20:26:29

I deferred until Easter, then summer born DS started at Easter in Reception, so he had some time there before Y1. Dependant upon a place being available for her, though.

MumVsKids Wed 06-Feb-13 20:27:20

My dd was also born on 31st August 2009 (5.30pm) and we too had considered holding her back as she is due to start in September.

We asked her pre school staff this week for their honest opinion, and we have had a resounding DO NOT HOLD HER BACK, she's ready.

If you have applied for and are offed a school place, then do nothing. A lot can change in 8 moths, and you may find that come September, she is totally ready. If she isn't, then just don't send her and inform the school of your decision then. If you haven't applied yet, I would do it ASAP, it still doesn't mean you have to accept it if offered, but it's god to have options IYSWIM.

Hth smile

BlissfullyIgnorant Wed 06-Feb-13 20:29:32

An independent school would shift dates. We had several children in different year groups; some advanced, some held back. As long as the school is happy with it it should be ok. I don't think they would hold back a March kid to give them an advantage, though wink

coldfingersandtoes Wed 06-Feb-13 20:38:52

mumvskids - I too have spoken to her nursery about holding her back and I got a resounding yes, she is not ready sad so now I am really worried about the whole thing.... We can't afford to put her into a private school. I know 8 months is a long time but I can say for sure unless she has a total personality about turn she is not going to be ready...

coldfingersandtoes Wed 06-Feb-13 20:40:21

leecoakley - ha I know I was trying my best to hold her in!! midwife was saying push and I was shouting no, not yet!!!

LaBelleDameSansPatience Wed 06-Feb-13 20:46:01

Blessyou, it is possible to accept a Reception place and defer until Easter; by lawthey must hold the place for you.

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