Was DD punished appropriately?(59 Posts)
My DD is in Yr2, and yesterday, she and other pupil were awarded with (much desired) Headteacher Awards in assembly. However, on the way, my DD had spied the names on the certificates and tipped the other recipicent off that he was to receive an award. This boy told teacher that my DD had pre-warned him so Teacher called her over before home time and told her that her certificate would be withdrawn until tomorrow as punishment.
DD is as good as gold and never gets told off. It took me until the early hours to prize out the story amidst inconsolable tears and nightmares. To make matters worse, it was her party after school and it was basically ruined by the days events. It's not so much about not having the award, more about the severity of the punishment that has hit her badly. She's a very sensitive child.
Spoke to TA first thing as Teacher was in meeting. Do you think I should speak to Teacher about the incident? Any teachers out there who can help?
I think this is harsh - it has basically cast a gloom over her prize, which she presumably worked hard for. If there was going to be some kind of punishment/telling off, it should have been unrelated to her prize.
Did your DD see her name and the other DCs name? If so, you can point out that the teacher should also leave her own certificate at school for the night, because she ruined your DDs surprise by not being careful with them
If the child had sneaked a look at the SAT's results, or some other class test scores and decided to broadcast these to all and sundry ahead of the teacher, would that be appropriate?
The fact that it was a celebratory thing doesn't make it ok.
My DD is 5 and in Yr1. She is a sensitive soul and very much a goody-goody and, if something similar happened to her, she would be equally inconsolable. I think the punishment was very disproportionate; she was doing something perfectly natural, especially given her age.
Hope your DD got her certificate today and is much happier.
If she'd found out by snooping - opening a book she shouldn't have been touching and reading the name - I could understand it. As it is, I am really confused as to what she was punished for. I'd want to go in and ask the teacher exactly what she did wrong.
WhatI mean is that she didn't go out of her way to see it. It was in plain sight.
Is she nosey? Is it the last in a long line of MYOB type incidents?
My DC1 is nosey and I can see this happening with her tbh, teacher at the end of her tether from sayin 'MYOB' 100 times a day.
If it was a one off and she saw them without snooping then yes it was a bit harsh.
Your DD's reaction was so masively OTT though, that I'd be more concerned about that. If any of my DCs had responded like that, I'd be posting in development/child health not education.
Yes, that is what I thought too Narked - if the item was in view, how could a child NOT see their name?
There are DC like this. It's just as normal as having those that don't particularly care about being told off. Teachers generally know which is which and the DC who are usually very well behaved tend to respond to the D word - disappointed. They want their teachers to see them as good and be pleased with them.
I think it is quite common in young children that they feel upset if they perceive a punishment is unfair or don't understand why someone was angry with them, especially if they are used to pretty fair/consistent treatment and are not usually in trouble.
Upset, sure, but inconsolable tears and nightmares, I assume about 10 hours after this had actually happened?!
My DC1 is a goody-goody and would have cried/been upset at the time and maybe again after school when she told me about it, but if she was inconsolable or woke up with nightmares I would worry tbh.
Poor thing. I would have told the other child too!
I don't think you should speak to the teacher though. I would focus on getting your dd to be less sensitive.
But Eumphemia the OP never said that her DD was denied the chance to get the certificate in the normal way. She got the certificate as usual, but later in the day the teacher called her over and had a quiet word about the certificate being withdrawn till the next day.
I don't think I would handle it this way if I were the teacher, but even so don't think this is a harsh or severe punishment.
I can imagine how she feels. I don't think she even realised she had done anything wrong. She was just sharing excitement and good news with someone else to make them excited too. I can see that teachers may prefer it to be a surprise so teaching that by way of explanation to create an understanding of that way of seeing it - fine. Punishing the child - not fine.
I have had similar situations and just tried to explain that sometimes grown-ups make errors of judgement too sometimes. Now it has happened you do the teaching bit to gain the understanding that one assumes the teacher was trying to instil. Explain that it probably was a bit unfair to keep your certificate back but we know you've earned it and doing xyz to acheive that is fab, in fact (insert daddy, grandma, neighbour etc) was only saying the other day how they had noticed you had done xyz so well when they saw you. Then keep conversation on her acheivment not mentioning the certificate withdrawal again. Then distract with plans for tomorrow.
Wouldn't stop me feeling very niggled by what the teacher had done but would hopefully have put my child back on track.
What's the big deal about it being a surprise anyway? A lot of people hate surprises, and would prefer to know in advance/savour it.
Not really the point I know.
Yes quite whiteflame, I hate surprises personally, my own personal hell is getting called out unexpectedly!
It was a completely unfair punishment - unless of course the teacher had had a talk with the class about spoiling surprises? Your daughter did something perfectly innocent - share good news with a friend. And her reaction wasn't really over the top - children are smart and know when they are being treated arbitrarily and unfairly - which is exactly what this incident was. I'd be keeping my eyes and ears open regarding this teacher...perhaps she was just having an off day (no excuse to the over-reaction on her part though) or perhaps this is her modus operando...
Also I would be wondering about exactly how the teacher delivered the news to your DD because really...she was that ashamed about what she had done that she took hours to tell you why she was upset? (Is this normal for her?) Or did someone make her FEEL that level of shame with words, tone of voice, actions and setting in which the punishment was delivered (eg loudly in front of the whole class?) I'm not trying to shit stir..but as a child who was controlled using shame and guilt I'd wonder about this to be honest...and again keep my eyes and ears open.
What lost on the moors said.
I'm a primary school teacher and what happened to your DD today was just mean. Children hang onto those things for ages ( I've still got my own story from when I excitedly blabbed in a similar way when I was 5!)
I'm afraid there might be no way to make this teacher see sense though as she'd lose face to back down, on the other hand she might say she's sorry she caused your DD so much upset for a trivial thing - I wouldn't bet on it though.
I think you8 need to work on your DDs resilience!
Poor little girl and what a horrid way for the teacher to have reacted. She should just have had a quiet word along the lines of "It was supposed to be a secret" if she really felt she had to say something. It was the teachers fault for not keeping the certificate in her desk drawer. Most children would have done the same thing. I think Felicity and some others are being harsh about the fact that the OP's daughter is sensitive. I teach Y2 myself and a lot of them are sensitive souls if they get told off. Making her wait a day for her certificate was truly mean. She did not do anything terrible just was excited and wanted the other child to know. What a stupid reaction from the teacher. She sounds a twat to me. It was not a punishable offence. And I bet she's the sort that sends children to get things from her desk quite regularly!
Teacher a bit insensitive.
Child a bit sensitive.
Mother over sensitive
Wot AICM said.
Schools aren't set up to be fair, or sensitive to a dc's needs. They're large state-run institutions which are specifically designed to impart a work ethic, a habit of obedience and the National Curriculum.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.