Private Co-Ed -v- Private Girls Schools - 7+

[kitty0510]

This is the first time I am posting - so please be gentle with me! I am hoping to get some advice and guidance. Having read through so many posts I know that I am coming to the right place.

My DD is in Y1 of a co-ed private school. The school has a good history although far more boys than girls and their results are good. I have several concerns and I am not sure what to do.

The classes are not streamed and far more attention is given to the children that need more help in reaching a certain standard. This in turn has affected the well abled children who want to go further. Having asked the teachers about this, they are not giving an answer which makes me feel that what they are doing is OK. I kind of feel that my DD has less interest in studying than she had in Reception which was a fab year with an excellent teacher. Y1 teacher is completely unapproachable and the school supports her decisions and her mannerism and don't seem to take on board what the parents say. It is like banging your head against a brick wall.

I have heard however, that it is well worth staying on for Y2 as the teacher is very good!

Many girls seem to leave our school at 7+ but no one really says why. The boys do very well getting into schools such as Habs, Merchant Taylors, John Lyon etc.

I have other concerns such as quite a few of the children in her class are disruptive and quite naughty which I feel really does affect the progress in the class. The teachers are strict but it seems to take a long time to action the negative things that happen in class. There are a few children with learning difficulties to which I do not have a problem with them being in the class but I do have a problem with it when the teachers who are meant to be teaching my child, end up paying more attention to the other chidlren.

My main concern is that I am not entirely sure that the school she goes to is the right school especially for 7+. Ideally, I would like her to go to somewhere like Northwood College or St Helens or even NLCS but my honest feeling is that I am scared how she will fit in with so many girls with such strong characters. My DD is quiet but confident and chooses her friends very carefully. I also feel that lack of number of girls, forces my daughter to be friends with someone who she would otherwise not choose to be friends with.

I could go on - sorry! It's easy to pick the negatives!

Am I being silly? Sometimes I think I am concerned about my fears rather than having the confidence to know that my DD will be OK whichever school she goes to.

I am worried that we wont be able to "keep up with the Jones'" if we go to somewhere big like St Helens or NLCS.

Please could you give me some advice?

Thank you!

[LePetitPrince]

Without knowing the school your child is in, it's hard to say. Is it a selective school? What gives you the impression that the class is unruly? Personally I would complain about that if I was on sure ground.

As for the schools you mention, they are all good schools and I wouldn't imagine the parents are any different to your current school except that certainly one of them in particular is likely to focus on the more able than the less able.

Can you share the name of the school you are at in order to get advice?

You never mentiint whether your child likes the school by the way, or if she has friends!

[Pyrrah]

Having been to an all-girls private, and all-boys private (plus 6 girls) and co-ed state primary & selective grammar I have had quite a range of experiences.

Our DD will be in co-ed state primary and then all-girls from 11+ and from 7+ if we are unhappy with the state primary. I'd like her to have a nice group of girlfriends when she's older - I was rather scared by other girls (still am probably) and so managed to cultivate an all-boy friend group... which was not so great later on!

If we were rich enough and there were some private options on the doorstep then I would have looked at all-girl from pre-prep onwards.

IMO, forget the whole 'keeping up with the Joneses' thing. In every school there will be a range of socio-economic backgrounds whether that is Eton or whether it's the sink comp in the back of beyond. Plenty of kids at private schools don't come from rich - or visibly wealthy - backgrounds. Lots of kids on bursaries or whose parents are making big sacrifices to pay the fees and don't have the money for huge houses or cars or designer lifestyles.

Chose the school where you think your daughter will be happiest.

[Pythonesque]

Go and look at the alternative schools - it will help you put your concerns into perspective. I started seriously considering switching my daughter when she was in year 3, but visited the "obvious" alternative and it didn't seem to be very different to where she was.

My children both started in single-sex private schools. My son had a difficult year in year 1 that was partly teacher related, and we knew how brilliant the year 2 teacher would be (he's now year 3, we're still very happy with the school). My daughter had a great reception year and things were variably good and less good after that, but year 3 and 4 I was very disappointed with, and the things that bothered me seemed to be to do with the school's whole approach. She was coasting and not being challenged to achieve or even find out what she was capable of. In her weaker areas I saw that other children weren't getting the thrill of achievement either. She is now doing year 5 in a co-ed school and is achieving ++. I don't think it's been about single-sex vs co-ed except that the private girls' junior schools in our area set their academic sights lower than the boys' schools do. Sadly, if your children are bright.

Finally, I think it can be a problem to be one of very few girls in a mostly boys' school. Especially as they get older, so if there are fewer girls and many leave after year 2 you have a cycle where it is difficult to leave a girl there unless they have a particularly robust personality or whatever it is that makes it easier to cope as a minority in a skewed environment. I have a young cousin who went right through a school that typically had 2 or 3 girls in a yeargroup. To be honest I was surprised my uncle and aunt thought it was the right place for her (especially after one or two things they told me about in more senior years that they thought were funny but left me picking my jaw off the ground that a teacher could say such things. suffice to say no surprise that she's not doing maths/science at uni!). Nevertheless there are exceptions - I myself would probably have thrived as the only girl in a class of boys interested in the things I liked. (but actually went through girls' schools only for practical reasons).

[kitty0510]

Just a quick message to say thank you so much for your detailed replies. I'm going to read through them again and answer hopefully over the weekend.

I am reluctant to put the name of the school down as once I do, it will be so obvious to others and I don't want to put myself in such a "delicate" situation. I hope you all understand.

Will write soon!

[kitty0510]

I couldn't wait until the weekend!

Thank you for your replies. I really don't think I am able to give the name of the school that my DD goes to. It is such a small school and I think it would expose me too much. As we have not decided what we want to do, it may leave me in a bit of a predicament. I hope you understand.

I can tell the kids are unruly just by the mornings when I drop my DD to school. My DD also tells me of the kids that are "naughty" in the class and there are about a good half that seriously need some discipline! Some of the kids are quite rude and their parents don't say anything. I've seen it everyday for over a year and I feel that if changes were to happen, it should have by now. I think the teachers try but it has to come from the top and the Head doesn't seem to want to do anything. I know it sounds pathetic but I just know that things just fall on deaf ears. At the end of the day the school is a business and they just want more children!

I would like to have a plan in action in order to voice my concerns. If no reassurances are made that make me feel happy then at least I can move to Plan B!

My daughter is happy at the school but I feel she would be happier at another school where there were more girls or perhaps even girls only. I really do. I think she would thrive in a different way. She only plays with the boys and I don't think this will help her in the future in terms of making friendships with other girls.

She went to a very good nursery - not Montesorri. However, the kids that come out of Montesorri are quite advanced in their knowledge and confidence. I always wanted my DD to go to a good nursery and one where she could learn through play and ultimately still be a toddler and not put pressure on her to learn a certain way. There seems to be so much pressure on everything from such a young age. However, I have seen the difference between a Montesorri child and a non-Montesorri child! I'm not saying that my DD is super bright but she is intelligent and WANTS to learn.

I am trying to apply this knowledge with regards to schools so.......a pretty average prep school -v- somewhere like St Helens or Northwood!

Does that make sense?

If I knew what I know now then I would have put my DD into a Montesorri Nursery and the reason why I couldn't put her somewhere like St Helens or Northwood was down to the fees - just too much for us.

You have all been great in your replies. LePetitPrince, I hope that the above kind of helps you understand why I don't really want to mention the name of the school. Pyrrah, thank you for your honesty regarding fitting in with the Jones'! I think you are right and at the end of the day, I want my DD to be happy. Sometimes I wonder if the grass is greener or whether I am jumping into the fire! Pythonesque, you too have guided me.

I suppose the next step is to start looking at the schools to get an idea of what will suit my DD. I'm not sure what questions to ask to be honest. I'm going to start making a list. I think the next year is going to be so important.

I will be honest and say that I am scared of what is out there. The other schools are BIG schools and I am afraid of BIG personalities - both the girls and their parents. We are from a pretty ordinary background - nothing spectacular. Like many parents, we work hard but equally want a happy life for all of us.

Thanks again for your advice. I will be posting again soon, no doubt.

[Petitgateau]

I'm looking for parents who could talk with me about their experience with the 7+ admission test at Merchants Taylor's. My child will do that this year and although we are trying to get ready, I'd love to know about other children's experience. Thank you.

[pastaybasta]

Following with interest Kitty, the school we are planning on sending dd1 to next year is co-ed however from knowing the intake starting we know of a few "spirited" boys who will be in her class... We have recently put her name down in a girls nearby.. She is doing well in nursery & like you're girl is a bright child, maybe it is a bit more play based than we would like, would like even 10/15 mins structured learning.
Can you elaborate on what you think the differences are between a montessori child & one who goes to a playbased setting? Thanks & sorry to drag the off track