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Strategies for demotivated boy - loss of playtime

(35 Posts)
fruitstick Tue 22-Jan-13 21:06:22

Can I have some advice please.

I started a thread in AIBU over the weekend about the standoff over DS's homework

However, I could do with some advice overall.

DS is 7 & in Y2. He's bright (predicted L3s) and is a very active boy. Has always struggled with sitting still etc, although much better as he gets older.

There have been issues with him finishing his work at school. He is not finding it hard, nor is he being particularly disruptive, he is just not doing the work. He's easily distracted an doesn't like to miss out on anything else that's going on.

His teacher (who I really like) has taken to keeping him in at break or lunch to finish his work. She hopes it will give him incentive to get his work done. She is also worried about SATS tests as he won't finish the tests in time, even though he is working at a high level.

I've been fully supportive of all of this and tried to reinforce it at home.

However, it's not working.

Now DS is complaining that no one will play with him and he doesn't care about break time. I think this is because once he gets outside, everyone has already teamed up for games etc and are in full swing.

He is becoming more miserable. He's always been a popular, confident boy.

I want to speak to his teacher about the break time thing but don't want to undermine what she is trying to do, or be all PFB about my little angel.

I would like to offer some alternative suggestions but not sure how this would go down.

Any thoughts?

cansu Tue 22-Jan-13 22:05:41

Maybe the fact that he is complaining indicates that the strategy is working and he would now like you to back off the strategy as he is finding it annoying. Children often say they don't care when they do!

fruitstick Tue 22-Jan-13 22:11:44

The thought had crossed my mind. He can be quite manipulative when he wants to be.

Normally I can see straight through him - maybe he's just upped his game grin

fruitstick Tue 22-Jan-13 22:23:39

Part of me also thinks he's after some kind of reward system so he can get a new Skylander every week!

OctoAlert Tue 22-Jan-13 22:28:56

Missed play time can't continue long term and is not healthy in any sense.
The SATs tests aid teacher assessment - lots of schools have scrapped them altogether. (It goes on the teachers' overall judgement of where a child is at, not an "exam" on one day).

I would suggest a meeting with the teacher to ask ideas for motivation, reachable targets and appropriate rewards and sanctions. Your son is doing well, honest, it will come in time smile

PolterGoose Wed 23-Jan-13 10:13:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fruitstick Wed 23-Jan-13 10:25:56

He has always struggled to sit still - it has always been his thing.

I have considered a wobble cushion in the past but worried the teacher would think I was a loon.

He is VERY easily distracted. We have been trying to encourage this at home with meccano, Lego etc but it is a battle.

I'm conscious he's only 6 but I don't want him to get dispirited at school because he can't do what is expected.

25catsnameSam Wed 23-Jan-13 10:40:30

fruit you could be describing my DS who is now 8 in Y3, very active, fairly bright (consistently works with Y4 groups in mixed year class) but finds it very hard to sit still and concentrate on the task in hand.
I'm not sure that taking away break is a long term answer though as IME he needs to run around and get rid of energy.
It also sounds like this method is starting to single him out and isolate him, which again is not great, and I agree with the poster who said he probably does care about this. DS had his picture on the wall with crosses and ticks and he hated that (so did I!).
I think you should talk it over with his teacher, explain to her his feelings about it and come up with another strategy - that way you don't undermine her but you show you are trying to work with her. If he is after a new Skylander (my son is just that Machiavellian) then why not? - but make the points towards the reward build up over it 2 weeks or a month, that way you are slowly building up to the reward and he has plenty of chance to get into new habits. His teacher could let you know when he has finished a piece of work well.
At home I also suggest trying puzzles (both puzzle books and actual puzzles) as well as Lego/ Mecchano type things.

fruitstick Wed 23-Jan-13 10:58:27

Thanks Sam, that's good to know.

I've made a chart for him this morning which has a points system. He gets points for completing tasks.

Getting dressed in 3 minutes (he often wanders off with just his trousers on) -2pts

Doing all schoolwork without losing break time -5pts

Completing homework task - 10 points

Wildcard random task - 2pts.

Skylander figure I reckon should be 150 points.

Magazine -50 points

Skylanders cards - 25 points.

Do you think that will work? Or is it just making more of an issue about things?

Catsdontcare Wed 23-Jan-13 11:03:53

I think if he had issues with attention then keeping him in at break time long term won't solve anything. I would ask for a meeting with the teacher to work on strategies to aid his attention. Missing play is an aid to getting work finished but doesn't address the issue of attention.

Catsdontcare Wed 23-Jan-13 11:07:39

I'm not a big fan of reward charts I just don't think they work that well, also if he has a genuine struggle with attention then a chart is just there to map his failure.

Rewards are fine but need to be much more immediate (maybe balls in a jar that he can see building up. So "we'll done you got dressed here's a ball for your jar) when the jar is full he gets a reward.

Catsdontcare Wed 23-Jan-13 11:09:20

For homework I would have a reward for then end such as extra tv time or playing a board game with you. Whatever you think will motivate to get to the end of homework!

Catsdontcare Wed 23-Jan-13 11:10:56

I think you should agree with the teacher some sort of system she can use in class to help motivate him (stickers/special job etc)

PolterGoose Wed 23-Jan-13 11:28:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PickledApples Wed 23-Jan-13 12:33:52

Does he have a timer at all? Something like this?

Also consider his diet - is he drinking enough? Does he have any foods that don't agree with him? Is he 'regular'? Agreed that break and expending energy is needed - not to be taken away. He's Year 2 not Year 6! Can't understand why SATs were mentioned either.

fruitstick Wed 23-Jan-13 13:29:04

I tried a timer this morning for getting dressed but it didn't make a blind bit of difference.

He eats well, although he is far more sensitive to sugar than his brother, so I try to limit sweets etc.

I actually have no idea whether he's regular or not. That's bad isn't it blush

He has never drunk enough and I do try to make him, but if he had his way he'd leave in the morning without drinking anything. I'm not sure how much he drinks at school.

25catsnameSam Wed 23-Jan-13 14:03:20

Crikey he is my son! <<checks isn't caught in timewarp>>
I wouldn't over complicate the points, makes more work for you, in the past I have done "get 20 points over the course of 2 weeks", I gave points for getting dressed without being reminded (or being reminded 5 times instead of 50), working well at school and I was the judge of what a reminder was - sometimes a breezy "oo you're not far off getting a point for that" was the nudge needed to make him stoop plotting world takeover with a power ranger and get dressed. Be generous with the points and help him succeed, and I think it will help if you to decide which bit you want him to crack first - school work, or getting dressed etc, as it will not happen overnight and trying to do it all at once could set him up for failure. I carried the points in my head - so did he.
cats I agree a strict reward chart for daily tasks can be hard, and can backfire. (Yes DS2 I am thinking of you with your demands for gifts before you will go to bed.)
Talk to his teacher, do they have a traffic light system? If so perhaps he gets a point from you for ending the day on green/ on the sun/ whatever they use.

fruitstick Wed 23-Jan-13 14:07:20

You're right - the simpler the better.

His other issue is that he has always struggled with his sleep. He finds it very difficult to wind down and in the past it has been awful. When he was younger, we tried reward charts but they never worked as we could never get him to get his first sticker, so he just gave up bothering.

Hopefully this might work.

I'm off to drawer a totaliser on the kitchen notice board grin

fruitstick Wed 23-Jan-13 14:08:39

I've also emailed his teacher expressing my concerns and asking for a meeting. I've tried to be as much 'you know best, how can I help' as I can be whilst at the same time suggesting we could come up with a different solution.

I've also ordered him a wobble cushion.

takemehometoauntem Wed 23-Jan-13 17:29:07

Hello fruitstick. We have the same going on here, I'm afraid if you look into your schools policies I'm sure the staying in at breaktime/ lunchtimes will be covered somewhere. My son has been struggling with the same things as you describe including the no friends scenario, I was called in so many times last year because his SATS were around the corner, watched him go from being a happy bubbly chappy to a pasty faced anxious snappy little boy (sad). Sadly it is the same this year, he is still being kept in at breaktimes/ lunchtimes for either not completing his work or being rude ( and from what he tells me being rude is saying no to finishing his work confused ), he has always found it hard to complete work in a given time frame and we are told that he completes the work during class time but our son has finally ( he thought we would be cross if he told us last year which added to his anxiety) started to tell us when he finishes school what he didn't finish and when he had to finish far this week he has failed to complete work in 4 lessons, missed watching a dvd (which was in place of swimming), had to work through his art lesson (something which he really enjoys therefore wouldn't purposely miss for the sake of not doing other work), 2 breaktimes and 1 lunchbreak and there is absolutely nothing we can do about it (have spoken to teacher and head they simply agree with what I say about the fresh air etc and then carry on doing it either way). And there's his teachers wondering why he shows no enthusiasm in his lessons??
We asked him why he still doesn't finish his work in lesson and his answer was because I'm lazy, thats what every teacher I have had apart from Miss x (nursery teacher) says shock, No type of intervention has worked so far but so long as he doesn't get to the point he was last year I will just concentrate on keeping him as relaxed and happy at home as possible.

takemehometoauntem Wed 23-Jan-13 17:31:12

Oh forgot to add my son is now in year 3

fruitstick Wed 23-Jan-13 17:38:03

Hmm, that's definitely what I don't want.

We have a new head who I really like and he seems quite open to 'creative' solutions.

If the teacher doesn't help I may try him.

mummytime Wed 23-Jan-13 17:40:58

My kids school actually takes kids outside for a run when they have been sitting still too long, eg after assembly. I would also suggest trying ear plugs etc.

I would also point out year 2 SATs are her problem not his. (But I am bolshy.)

fruitstick Wed 23-Jan-13 17:49:03

Ear plugs grin now why didn't I think of that grin

Slams head on keyboard!

takemehometoauntem Wed 23-Jan-13 18:00:23

like the ear plug idea! my sons problem is he seems to notice things that most wouldn't. eg a teacher walked past the window one day and she had her hair in a pony tail which he said was hilarious because it looked like she had a dog stuck to the back of her head (in all honesty I would probably of noticed it too grin! I asked him if anyone else saw it he said no only me, I asked him what he did he said sat laughing and then got in trouble with his teacher. It does sometimes make me wonder if its the teaching style being used at the times when he isn't completing his work...hence looking around for something more interesting to focus on.

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