ds got all upset at bedtime and told me there was something he'd been bottling up. Apparently some of the other boys at school (Year 5) are being unkind to him - calling him names and making fun of him.
He says when they line up to go back inside after playtime, some of them won't stand next to him - they all rush to the queue and if one of them ends up next to ds, he'll go to the back of the line.
He's being called a wimp and a nerd and teased for having some friends who are girls. And the boy who sits next to him in maths is apparently mean and puts a ruler in between him and ds because he doesn?t want to have anything to do with ds. (This is a boy I?ve heard other parents complain about but I?ve never responded beyond a ?hmm? or ?that?s terrible? because I?ve never had any reason to criticise him.)
The group of people who are 'mean' in ds's words includes a boy who started at the school last term and ds was given the job of befriending - we've had this boy round to play frequently and they were friends until this term. ds has always been such a happy little boy, with loads of friends coming round to play. 
I don't want him to stop answering questions and working hard. He isn't into football and is no good at ball games - which has never bothered him or anyone else before. Maybe we need to play some ball games with him at home...? While also obviously talking to his teacher. I'm also going to look up Kidscape but would be really grateful for any advice.
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ds is being bullied at school. How can we help him?
edam · 13/01/2013 10:05
This is exactly what happened to ds in Year 5. He too is not into football or other ball games. And he had good friends that were girls.
Up until Y5 this was all fine, he was relatively popular, had friends, was accepted.
Then in Y5 it was suddenly no longer 'cool' to be friends with girls, it was 'gay' (that's what ds was told) to like drama and dance (which ds loved) and he was a 'loser' for not playing football or rugby.
Unfortunately, for ds, things did not improve in Y5 and Y6. He remained marginalised. I spoke with teachers, I tried to get ds to fit in. But realistically, I could not change him, he is who he is, and I could not make the other kids like him. It did not bother ds much though, after a while he realised he was not going to change who he was and what he liked just to fit in.
That is not to say Y5 adn Y6 were easy for him, they were not.
He had one or two pals but on the whole amused himself in break and lunch times
At secondary school everything changed. We sent him to a large, local, comp. His primary school classmates were scattered round the school with no more than 3 per secondary school class. Suddenly there were lots of boys who liked dance and drama. Suddenly it was fine to befriend girls (in fact a lot of the teachers sat them in rows of boy girl boy girl so it was inevitable)
He is now 13 and in Y9. He is his own person. He has a handful of good, loyal pals. He is liked by his classmates. He is not worried by what people think of him, he is true to himself. And with this comes a certain laid back confidence that I admire. He is not worried about 'fitting in' and instead is true to himself. Something that I never managed as a teen.
I am sorry, this has turned into an essay and perhaps is not what you want to read (I know you are looking for solutions of how to make things easier for your ds) I just wanted you to know that things WILL eventually change.
No advice, but ds is also in Y5, in similar situation, so lots of empathy! Just before Xmas I found a number on his phone which he told me was childline and it all came out. Ds's bully is the class golden child, which hasn't helped. Ds said he didn't want to tell me because the bully would be even worse if he knew ds had complained
I wrote to school and had a letter back full of platitudes about their anti-bullying policy, which I am yet to have sight of. I looked around another school and am still debating whether to move ds, only he does seem a lot happier so far this term. I know they have talked about bullying in class, too. But the school does not have a good track record on dealing with bullying and two children have left recently over similar issues.
All we can do, I suppose, is encourage our sons to talk to us and hope the school is able to stamp it out. My ds is a very keen footballer, so don't think it's the ball games - it's fairly arbitrary I think. The only thing that stands out for us is being a single parent family in a wealthy, traditional village school. The bully, luckily, will be going to public school so there is an end to it. I don;t want ds to suffer for 18 months though and if he is unhappy this term I will hoik him straight out even though this means a nightmare commute, as dd is happy and settled where she is and I teach in yet another local school (where I would not send them if if was the last one on earth!).
Sorry, this was a bit rambling and not all that useful. It is such a shock to find out that your child is unhappy like this and you feel powerless to help. I was bullied horribly as a child too and for me the worst thing was that my parents knew but minimised it - I tell my ds I believe him and if he is unhappy I will move him and I think this has helped him a bit.
In fairness I think that most schools are pretty useless in this low level (as in constant niggling occasional physical) bullying.
From experience of 2 of my 3 DS, they have both had this. They have both told supervisors, teachers etc. But each term and each year it goes on and on.
The school do the class talks, the writing up incidents and low level sanctions (as in reality, the action is low level) - but it just doesn't stop.
I have heard that secondary school can often change everything - bring it on I say.
My brother also had this at secondary school as well though, but RL treats him far better.
It is that unfortunately school life is a hard lesson and most definitely not the best years of their life.
I comfort myself in the fact that my DS have each other to play with and enjoy their company at home - all nights, weekends and holidays. It is predominantly lunchtime and break incidents happen and class time nothing much.
I really hope the school takes this on board, edam. I think it's one of the tests of a good school. It can be very difficult to spot low-level nastiness in class - the bullies who do this are very, very cunning, and teachers do rely on people reporting it. Since your DS has history with this boy I would hope that the seating arrangements get changed PDQ - but I am a bit 
at the teacher allowing them to be seated next to each other again. Given the history, a child like the bully should really be on the teacher's radar from day 1.
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