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Frustrated parents, child and teacher

(86 Posts)
BringOnTheSunshine Sun 25-Nov-12 03:16:12

I have posted in behaviour/development:

I will try to be brief: DS (6y) is in P2.

DS is one of the youngest in his class and is really struggling educationally and socially at school.

Throughout P1 we spent 2 hours per night on homework, not by choice, feeling we were not getting very far.

DS struggled to retain phonics and blending was impossible. He was able to read some words but forgot simple words even after frequent repetition.
From one page turn in the story he would forget "and" or "stop" etc. His behaviour in school deteriorated very quickly and we had our first red slip before christmas, (he threw a crayon and which hit another child, didn't throw it at the child but not the point). I was phoned twice 1 = he cut another childs hair, (didn't realise the other child cut his hair until he was home but don't think the teacher had noticed) 2= he cut a hole in his trousers. He was no longer allowed to sit with classmates when using scissors or use scissors unless supervised. We had monthly phone calls with the teacher and he was started on a behaviour chart. The school felt he was immature compared to his older classmates and felt things would improve by P2.

At the end of P1 he was able to write a simple sentence of 5 words but couldn't blend and though he progressed slowly through reading books, still had the same difficulty remembering phonic sounds and words.
P1 teacher was passing along that he needed firm guidance in class to push him to complete tasks.

He started P2 in August and we are no further forward. We spend 2 -4 hours each night working on his homework. He tries hard, sometimes ends up in tears of frustration because he can't remember a word he knew the page before etc. I asked for a meeting with his teacher after the first month to find out how he was getting on and express our concerns. The teacher said she would spend till Oct holidays observing him. He attends a session with deputy head once per week along with a group who are struggling. The teacher has asked for another 30 min session once per week to work on writing/reading. He was given a behaviour chart again...which has since stopped!

He can explain what task is being done, give answers and solve problems verbally but struggles with writing. He wrote a whole page of random repetitious letters when asked to write about a topic. He will sit staring at his work for an entire lesson...not disrupting others...just doing nothing! They have sent incomplete work home which is a nightmare on top of homework.

He tells me he is not good at reading/writing and it is too hard. He hates school and thinks the teachers don't help him. He also said that he doesn't bother telling the teacher when other kids push/hit him as they don't believe him!

We are on his third red slip so far since August. His behaviour is getting worse at school and we are really at a loss. I have had two calls from the deputy head. 1= to complain he had been swinging his lunch bag in lunch line...not attempting to hit anyone, swinging it around and over his head and to inform us of restarting behaviour chart. 2= he had created a behaviour chart for another pupil who he felt needed one due to disruptive behaviour in class.
The third slip was posted yesterday asking us to arrange a meeting to discuss his behaviour. He had pushed passed a teacher in the lunch hall and ran past another teacher with his arms out and hit her side. Both of these were intentional.

Ds is a sweet and loving boy. At home he is a boistrous, bundle of energy, loves superheroes, being tickled, playing jokes, runnning about, playing with friends in the village. Being 6, he has his moments of being too rough..usually when playing and getting carried away rather than random hitting. Though he has pushed or hit his sister (3y 11mo) and is aware this is not acceptable etc. He is helpful and will tidy up toys etc and help his sister/play with her.

He has a routine, is in bed by 8pm, he gets affection and praise and correction/time out as needed.

Negatively, he is seen as too loud, (he has a loud voice rather than shouting IYSWIM) and is a fidget, needing frequent reminders to sit still, focus on tasks etc. He shows, (I guess), the usual 6 year old cheekiness and attitude.

He knows...can verbalise... that the behaviour is wrong. He is aware of consequences for good/inappropriate behaviour.
We have both spoken to him regarding his behaviour and he has lost Wii time. (he was given his first wii games this month for his birthday and loves it) and is aware that he will probably miss the school trip to the pantomime.

DH is concerned that the behaviour is related to his frustration about class work. DH is Dyslexic and we have mentioned concerns about ds being dyslexic to the teacher in previous meetings. The teacher said formal assessment wouldn't happen until he is 7.

We are all tired, frustrated and utterly fed up....I include the teachers in this!

daytoday Wed 28-Nov-12 11:27:13

So you're son is 6?

If so, I think he is doing far far too much. I completely understand that you are trying to complete a task set by the school but I think you need to stop after 30 mins - regardless. He sounds mentally overloaded, exhausted and stressed. You seem to be going round in circles - with a very unhappy child.

I found at this age that my (late developing) son would switch off after 15-20 mins and sort of give up. He was such a sweet boy but would blurt out any answer so it felt like he couldn't retain information. His short term/working memory didn't really develop till he was 7 nearly 8. Then we noticed a big lurch in what he could do.

During this earlier phase, we accepted he wasn't a flier with education but a hard working child who got there slowly, eventually. We backed off - let him draw, be creative. We made him read for 10 mins every night and did number bonds and times tables and that was pretty much it. We decided not to do some homework tasks but concentrate on what he needed. At points we wondered about underlying issues and they were explored. It is so very hard when they are young. He was just a late bloomer.

catstail Thu 29-Nov-12 08:55:57

yes I was going to say the same about dypraxia, which is very commonly found with dyslexia, accidental injuries that could appear deliberate, barging, swinging things in a way that other children don't etc

absolutely you need to provide a safe environment at home, stick to your 15 minute homework thing and you are helping him - 2 hours and you are making things worse.

BringOnTheSunshine Fri 30-Nov-12 17:02:32

Thanks everyone. We have managed 1 week so far and it feels great. DS is coming home from school with a smile on his face. We will have to see how his behaviour is at far so good. No phone calls, no red slips! Just have to wait until new year for EP assessment to start. I have looked at ADHD, Dyspraxia and Dyslexia information online and there are various bits in each that could fit...DS has no understanding of personal space or his own strength. He can't sit still, even when he is watching a dvd, he bounces his feet, is on his knees, back on his bum...continuously! He has a nervous cough, the more stressed or excited he is, the more he does it. (we had it investigated and paed said it was likely post nasal drip)...but even the school have mentioned it...might have to ask them to look again! He is full of energy, jumping, running, doing forward rolls etc and would rather flip upside down on the chair than sit on his bum. He can't sit still to eat, perches on the side of the chair, stand, sit, bounce, sit etc all through dinner. He would rather use his fingers to eat or a spoon. He can hold a fork but always drops it and goes back to his fingers.

BringOnTheSunshine Fri 30-Nov-12 17:04:52

too much information so I won't bore you all with every detail. I just hope he can go back to being my happy wee boy!

TalkinPeace2 Fri 30-Nov-12 17:10:53

have you got a spare mountain you could run him up and down a few times a day?
hope the restricted homework is making all three of you happier

IndigoBelle Fri 30-Nov-12 17:11:46

ADHD, dyslexia and dyspraxia often exist together - because they are all symptoms of the same underlying problem - development delay.

So don't get tied up in knots over exactly which label he has, just think about what you want to do to help him.

KeepCoolCalmAndCollected Sun 02-Dec-12 09:59:00

Have only read your thread as not much time.

I also have a 6 year old boy. Half an hour is completely adequate at such a young age. Frankly, I am amazed you haven't put him off altogether.

This 2-4 hour thing - you are making him do another half a day at school! It's actually cruel.

Running past teachers, waving his lunch box around etc., do you know any boisterous boys at that age that don't do it.

Incidentally the fidgeting thing is when they are past it and are very tired and have had enough - haven't you sussed that yet.

My son's reading is very good, but he still has to sometimes remember 'and' and 'stop' like words from one page to the next page - particularly if he's tired. They are both 6 they are still learning!

With respect, I think the problem is with you. You need to calm down and really look at what you are doing to him - he's 6 and not at university yet!

I am sorry if this is painful reading but I think the problem is with you, and if you're not careful you will totally put him off. Give him time to develop - at his rate and not yours. Help him, guide him, but stop acting like the gestapo.

CaseyShraeger Sun 02-Dec-12 11:04:12

KeepCool, it's generally best not to comment on a week-old thread if you haven't read more than the OP, however little time you have. If you don't even have time to skim-read the OP's latest updates, you might reconsider heather typing a long post comparing her to the Gestapo is a good use of your limited time.

wheresthegin Sun 02-Dec-12 15:03:49

wish someone would have thought another child cutting my dd hair was naughty and not funny.

BringOnTheSunshine Tue 04-Dec-12 20:41:40

TalkinPeace2, I think he would need to run the great wall of china before he would be tired enough to sit still!

IndigoBelle, I am not concerned about a label, DS will alway be DS. I am just trying to find out some information about all the things mentioned in the posts to find out better ways to help DS.

KeepCoolCalmAndCollected, I understand your view based on the first post. It is very hard to communicate effectively on these sites and is impossible to include every detail of a situation without posting too much or drip feeding. I accept we spent too long on homework, I agree that none of us were happy and we are working with a new plan!

wheresthegin, I was annoyed that ds hair was cut too, but it is unfortunately something that happens when small kids get scissors! DS said that he...and "a girl" thought it would be funny to cut each others hair. The girls haircut was more obvious, (I would imagine) than DS who had a chunk out of the back of his head which was less noticable because he had short hair. DS was told not to do it again, the school didn't allow him scissors without supervison and it hasn't happened since.

The teacher seems to have stopped all spelling for DS, just sending home his reading book. Today he was to cut out and glue a santa he painted in class. He came bursting in the door determined to do it as soon as he dropped his bag! I also filled in and returned his panto form this week so he must still be going! :-D

TalkinPeace2 Tue 04-Dec-12 20:43:44

I am so, so pleased that you have a happy child back for the end of term.

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