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playground sex chat at school

(18 Posts)
baconsandwich Wed 21-Nov-12 12:00:18

My twin boys are 9 and in P5 in Scotland. How much "sex chat" is OK in the playground do you think?

We are very liberal parents and my two know probably far more than their peers about sex & bodies etc etc because I have always been v open and answered their questions honestly and straightforwardly. I've always impressed on them the need to let other kids find out things at their own pace and discuss them with their parents in a way that's comfortable for them. However, one particular boy at school who has an older brother (12/13), talks about sex all the time, uses the words gay and lesbian as insults (which I have spoken to school about re the whole tolerance agenda), taught my DS the phrase "suck my cock" which DS then said to me in an argument last week shock and NOW this morning DS says to me "Mum is there such a thing as four way sex because Joe Bloggs has said there is. What does he mean?" They are only 9 FFS! I'm happy for them to be talking about it and comparing their willies etc , but 4 way sex - really?? Do I need to go & talk to school again or is all this normal for 9 year olds and should I take a deep breath and chillax with my chardonnay?

learnandsay Wed 21-Nov-12 12:05:52

What did the school say the first time that you spoke to them? If talking about sex in the playground is against the school's rules then presumably a member of staff would need to overhear the conversation.

Wouldn't it be easier for you to direct your son not to play with this particular boy?

crazygracieuk Wed 21-Nov-12 12:10:28

Sounds like the boy is watching porn based on the 4 way sex comment. I have a y7 son who unlike his mates is not allowed to watch porn at home so the comment would baffle him too. He found out what blowjobs were in y5 so wouldn't say suck my cock as he wouldn't want that to happen.

Gay as an insult is a common one in my experience.

learnandsay Wed 21-Nov-12 12:17:35

Not watching porn at home wouldn't necessarily mean a child had no access to it, especially if his friends do have access. Porn on phones is becoming an ever greater problem. And when children carry computers around in school external disks can be plugged in which can contain all manner of nasties. But I'd imagine that it's difficult to control because the children are probably going to be clandestine about the whole business.

valiumredhead Wed 21-Nov-12 12:23:56

Ime everything you have mentioned is completely within the norm of playground chat.

Very common for gay to be used as an insult - wrong but common.

Lots of children have older siblings and pick up all sorts of sexual language and it gets passed on.

If ds asks about anything too unsavoury my standard reply is usually "If you have to ask you aren't old enough to know." Seems to cover it.

baconsandwich Wed 21-Nov-12 13:09:38

Blimey. Am gobsmacked at the notion that kids this age might have access to porn. You seem to imply craxygracie that this is going with parents' knowledge?! And to think I thought the hardest bit of parenting was behind me ...

I like your advice valiumredhead (as well as your name smile

valiumredhead Wed 21-Nov-12 13:12:57

Thanks OP grin

Ime ds (11) is in the minority NOT having a phone that has internet access - it is truly shocking. All I can do is keep the channels of communication open with him as much as I can so he can talk to me about it if he needs to.

crazygracieuk Wed 21-Nov-12 13:33:12

I said that he doesn't watch porn at home because I have a content filter on. I'd be happy to bet that he has seen it on phones/pc away from school and home. Some of his mate's parents are naive and don't have a content filter while others have a boys will be boys attitude angry some filters are rubbish and will ban figleaves but allow some porn so I know it's not 100% effective. The kids know that I check what they are looking at and if they betray my trust then I will assume that they are not mature enough to be online and will be banned for a while.

crazygracieuk Wed 21-Nov-12 13:34:00

I love valiumredhead's reply. I will consider using it myself.

valiumredhead Wed 21-Nov-12 13:35:13

Thanks, it came in handy when ds asked me what a motherfucker was shock

baconsandwich Wed 21-Nov-12 15:04:04

other thing that made me laugh with mine was the way that the threesome notion had been leapfrogged and they'd gone straight to fourway. What happened to good old fashioned threesomes then?

I set the parental controls on my computer the other night but didn't realise that there were filters and then filters. I will have to experiment. (This came after I found the term "naked ladies" sitting in my google search box one day. i suppose I should be glad that naked ladies was all it said!

And there's no WAY mine are getting phone with internet access (or indeed even phones) for the forseeable future. What's the MATTER with people?!

Wellthen Wed 21-Nov-12 19:43:08

I'm going to buck the trend and say, as an upper ks2 teacher, I would want to know if my kids were having these comversations. They are not appropriate for school and I would need to notify the parent of the child who is saying them.

This 'sex chat' is beyond the level I would expect for 9 year olds. Gay as an insult maybe (but still not allowed) but suck my cock is sexually aggressive and could potentially be heard by 4 year olds if shouted on the playground.

baconsandwich Wed 21-Nov-12 22:30:13

thanks wellthen - that was kind of my instinct but i wasn't sure if i was over-reacting.

learnandsay Wed 21-Nov-12 23:16:42

I don't get it. What is this? My own phone doesn't have Internet access on it. It's a phone FFS! If I want to go on the Internet I use a computer. (Sorry for the rant. I know I'm a dying breed.)

stella1w Wed 21-Nov-12 23:26:12

Think of it like this. If someone had to go to work and have sexual language like this directed at them or even around them they would have a sexual harrassment case against the employer for allowing it to happen. Why should young children be expected to deal with it. Same goes for bullying. Seems a lot is put down to normal playground behaviour that wd never be allowed in the workplace. So complain.

valiumredhead Thu 22-Nov-12 11:30:59

Because that is two very different things altogether. For starters playground chat is usually just that, chat, not aggressively directed at anyone. If it is then that is a whole different ball game and needs to be dealt with.

This comes under 'finding out about the world around you' and learning what is acceptable and what is not ( while hopefully guided by parents)

There are SO many kids with internet access and playing 18 rated games these days that swearing is much more talked about in playgrounds than before and at an earlier age and MUCH more 'varied.'

Think back to when you were 9 -12, did you really not know any swear words or what sex was or that sometimes more than 2 people had sex? I had the most sheltered up bringing EVER and I knew that - from the play ground -- and Jilly Cooper books--

socharlotte Thu 22-Nov-12 14:46:55

I think some people are extremely naïve about what children talk about in the playground.Certainly most children will have an idea what 'gay' and 'lesbian 'mean waaay before they are 9.

piprabbit Thu 22-Nov-12 14:57:44

I was shocked when the 6 and 7 year olds at my DDs 7th birthday started getting silly and saying that "X is having sex with Y". Not snogging or kissing. It was not appropriate and some of the children were upset.

I think it originated from the children with older siblings. I told them off for being silly and upsetting each other and have since avoided having mixed sex birthday parties - which is a shame as TBH most of the boys are lovely and some of the girls are little madams.

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