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4 y/o dd not settling in school

(4 Posts)

My daughter is in yR. she loves school, loves going and talks a lot about it. Problem is I have been asked to stay behind 3 times now because she is not listening. She is in a special focus group for this. The teacher says she is in constant role play and shows no signs of listening, I understand what she means as sometimes I get frustrated talking to my dd as she will be looking the other way or just seemingly not paying attention. Although the strange thing is I believe although she is not actively showing signs of listening, she does listen and at home her behaviour is good. When the teacher called me behind again today explaining she is still not listening and she did a high pitched scream during a role play scenario (she wasn't meant to be in role play) she was put on the naughty side of the board for this understandable as the teacher thought something was wrong with her but actually she was playing, she also explained that she is not listening again, I explained to her that dd has told me all about divarli (sorry I am crap at spelling), and she has also been telling me about the actions to all the letters they have been learning - the teacher seemed shocked as though she hadn't realized dd was listening. How can I teach my daughter the active signs for listening?

The main barrier I am having to deal with this problem and not sure anyone can help with this because its my own demon to battle with. Whenever the teacher talks to me about her I feel so sad she doesn't behave in school and I feel panicked i just want to cry - pathetic - I know. I want to help the school out an have asked what I can do and they keep saying talk to her but problem is I think I talk too much to her about it, on saturday I really gave her a lecture on behaviour etc and I think I'm worsening the situation.
I want to have a discussion with the teacher but I end up tongue tied and emotional, I feel utterly responsible for her not listening and it's tearing me apart and my relationship with my daughter.
The teacher told me that dd is very clever and in the top 5 for reading, so I am proud of this but How do I get my daughter to realise the importance of school and to not misbehave. Not really sure the purpose of my post but if anyone has any advice or input I'd love to hear it. Thanks

OliviaMumsnet (MNHQ) Wed 14-Nov-12 22:35:37

bumping for you

blanksquit Wed 14-Nov-12 23:39:57

I'll tell you about my dd and hope that it helps.

We were called in for her not listening in reception and sometimes not complying. She spent a lot of the free play time in imaginative roles - so much so that the teacher feared she wasn't aware of reality.

I knew she knew what was real and what wasn't so I didn't worry. I did worry about her lack of concentration though.

She didn't really do well with the teaching from a white board where the whole class sat on a carpet. By that I mean she would often be rolling around with her back to the teacher. But the funny thing was, she was learning. She just found the pace a bit slow. She went on to be an outstanding reader by the end of year 1 and in top group for maths.

She still doesn't look like she's listening (age 7) and sometimes she isn't - often maths instructions have to be explained to her twice - the teacher does it on the whiteboard then the classroom assistant just asks her if she knows what she's meant to be doing.

I asked at the end of year 1 if she was the only one like this and should I be seeking help. The teacher said no, there's at least five others like this.

I think by mentioning it to you they just want you to focus on developing concentration - maybe by playing ever longer board games or doing harder and harder puzzles.

She is definitely not alone in not concentrating in reception. It's not really bad behaviour, other people have much bigger problems - believe me. For whatever reason she finds it hard to concentrate. That might be because she's shy and anxious, is getting used to a new environment, or just her mind moves a bit quicker or slower than the pace that's being used.

Mine at 7 is just about realising the importance of trying. Her work can be really sloppy but she's beginning to understand.

I just remind mine - you must listen and try your best, but I don't really go further in explaining than that.

At the end of the day - your's is reading really well. Focus on that. The great thing about it is that mine has a great imagination for stories - she has no problems with ideas for creative writing.

I have to ask her at least four times to put her shoes on though.

simpson Wed 14-Nov-12 23:59:11

Have you had her hearing checked??

That would be the first thing I would do tbh....

When is her birthday?? Is she one of the youngest in the year??

I guess it takes time for a small child to adjust to all the distractions that go on in the classroom...

What does your DD say when you talk to her??

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