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(22 Posts)
Amykins Mon 12-Nov-12 17:51:50

Has anyone, hand on heart, had children who found beginning school really hard? Any ways to help them and any tips for an anxious mother (me).


lljkk Mon 12-Nov-12 17:58:40

DS2 did. He basically sulked on the carpet for 2 weeks, refused to speak or participate, & kicked anyone who tried to come near.
What are you dealing with?

Amykins Mon 12-Nov-12 18:04:40

Daughter getting very upset, specifically at lunch time (in the dining room). Really want to meet with the teacher. I also feel very anxious about asking to speak to the class teacher. This is silly, I know.

mrz Mon 12-Nov-12 18:07:55

Lots of reception find lunch times stressful because the dining hall can be noisy and busy. We stagger our lunchtimes so reception children eat when it's much calmer.

piprabbit Mon 12-Nov-12 18:09:24

Please talk to the teacher - she'll be used to parents raising concerns with her and you should be able to work out a strategy or helping your DD cope.

Notquite Mon 12-Nov-12 18:09:57

It is a bit silly, especially in Reception. Have a word if possible in the morning, or ask for an appointment if you need more time or privacy.

Starting school is a big deal and children get very tired and sensitive. My September baby found it a lot easier than my May baby. Is yours pne of the younger ones?

lljkk Mon 12-Nov-12 18:10:08

No it's not silly, they are still very small & can't meet their own needs well at all. Everybody (sensible) knows this.

It's good that it's just lunch times (is it just lunch times?). Sounds like something specific that can be fixed once you figure out what it is. Don't hesitate to talk to teacher.

Does school know there's a problem or is it something she brings home to unload on you?

sittinginthesun Mon 12-Nov-12 18:14:12

I think this is a fairly normal worry. My friend's daughter hardly ate lunch for the first term, because the noise overwhelmed her, and our Reception class eat first.

Speak to the teacher - it is good to keep talking about it.

Amykins Mon 12-Nov-12 18:23:59

Thank you.

Yes notquite, my daughter is very late August-born.

She is extremely shy by nature (though very vocal and loud at home) and really finds it hard to speak to adults.

crazygracieuk Mon 12-Nov-12 19:00:11

Big children are overwhelming if you're not used to them. Some of the kids in y6 are built like 14 year olds and can be very loud.
My older son was freaked out by the noise and size of older kids too.

kilmuir Mon 12-Nov-12 20:13:54

notquite why do you think its silly?

ByTheWay1 Mon 12-Nov-12 20:25:09

I'm a mid-day supervisor in a school with 400 kids and space for 200 in the hall - so we have a rolling lunchtime with a class at a time coming in when space is free - I find lunchtime noisy and stressful, so I'm sure she does....

Can I just say though, if she has packed lunch - that sometimes parents can help by giving smaller amounts of food... we have some kids (especially reception) who come in with 6 or 7 things, now ... we know that parents don't want or require them to eat it all, they've just put in lots of choice so that they will eat something but sometimes they get into a bit of a tizz thinking that mum/dad will be upset if they don't eat it all and then take forever to sit and eat it with people trying to hurry them up so they get some playtime etc....

and if it is school dinners, some kids just do not like them, they are not like home cooked food, the flavours are quite different and the kids then sit, with food they don't like in front of them, being encouraged to try some and they get upset because they are hungry and want to try some, but it tastes different and they don't like it and don't want to eat it, but don't want to disappoint anyone....

it is all quite stressful for the little ones - but give it 6 months and they are ALL absolutely fine in my experience..

Notquite Mon 12-Nov-12 20:27:06

OP said it was silly to be anxious about talking to the teacher, I meant it kindly, but I was agreeing - a reception teacher will be happy to talk about her concerns.

Notquite Mon 12-Nov-12 20:29:55

Maybe the teacher could ask the lunchtime supervisors to keep an eye out for her. A shy August baby must be feeling a little overwhelmed.

Morebiscuitsplease Tue 13-Nov-12 20:43:43

I still feel daunted talking to school. I think when you have concerns it can be very emotional and while I try not to fuss I only talk to them if my child is really upset. That said I always find the class teachers wonderful. The head on the other hand well that is a different story.

SilverSixpence Tue 13-Nov-12 20:46:50

Will you be having parents evening soon? Ds is in reception (July born) and we had an opportunity to air things then, though the teacher assured us we could speak to her any time. He seems happy enough during the day at school but I do worry he s finding it difficult to make friends as he is also shy and seems much more easily upset over little things at home since starting sad

Haberdashery Tue 13-Nov-12 21:03:00

I don't think it's silly. My daughter is September born and in Year 1 now and she still finds lunchtime quite stressful and too loud. I would definitely have a word with the teacher. At DD's school, they tried to get her in and settled at the head of the line so she had a chance to get her stuff sorted before it got too crazy. They also started a lunch club for children who find the noise hard so she has two lunchtimes a week now where she eats lunch in a special quiet room. Nobody will mind you mentioning at all. If your daughter is quite shy then they may not even realise how hard she is finding it.

Tgger Tue 13-Nov-12 21:47:54

It's very normal and you should speak up because there will probably be other children in the same position. The staff have no way of knowing that this is an issue unless you speak up.
Our school have now buddied children in Reception up at lunchtimes due to this problem- all Reception children have Y5 buddies. They have also sorted out a "quiet playground" to help children who want to play quieter games/avoid some of the rough and tumble. Last year when my son was in Reception many children were upset at lunchtime, including my son in the first few weeks of term. The problem was ongoing for some children for the reasons other pp have said so they came up with the buddy system/quiet playground..

RiversideMum Wed 14-Nov-12 07:05:58

There's no getting away from the fact that lunch halls and lunchtime play are experiences that can be quite hard for some children to contend with. Have a word with the teacher and explain the issues and I'm sure they'll find a simple solution. Even something like making sure your DD is sitting next to a friend should help.

rrbrigi Wed 14-Nov-12 11:21:21

It is ok to ask the teacher to help you. It is part of her job and I am sure she will help you. Do not wait, ask the teacher for help and let the teacher help you.

Amykins Wed 14-Nov-12 18:58:51

Thank you for your help everyone. It is such a learning curve for both of us. Something I find hard is that I keep thinking that it is just my daughter who is having these difficulties.

midseasonsale Wed 14-Nov-12 22:39:54

Exhaustion - my boy has to have the odd day off and few play dates this year

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