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Happy stories please about siblings at different schools

(14 Posts)
fluffyanimal Fri 09-Nov-12 12:59:33

For a variety of reasons that it would take too long to go into here (but the short version is that it turns out we are out of catchment for the school DS1 attends, and it is likely to be oversubscribed for 2013), the chances are that DS2 may have to go to a different school from his brother.

As DH and I work full time, DS1 goes to before and after school childcare at a setting that serves several local schools. So long as we can get both boys into the same before/after school care, going to different schools should not be a significant logistic problem (bar clashing parents evenings, nativity plays etc). DS1 is very happy and doing well in his school so I would definitely not consider taking him out so that he could go to wherever DS2 gets placed. But the thought of it makes me sad, and I think the DC would be sad too not to be in the same school.

So I'd love to hear nice happy stories about siblings at different schools please - how it works, how you overcame the emotional aspect of it, if there was one - so that I can feel better about facing this prospect.

DeWe Fri 09-Nov-12 13:13:19

I've got three different schools at present because we have infant/junior separate. We also didn't send dd1 to the most obvious school for ease of getting there.

For the first time last year I actually had two children at the same school, which was lovely, but at the same time I could see for the first time at school, how what the older one does influences the younger. This term my younger is doing much more branching out on her own.
I think it is actually very good for them to be separate people.

I was the 2nd child and I always felt compared unfavourably with my siblings. I can only once remember something a teacher said out loud, but I compared myself because I'd seen what the older one had done and felt a failure if I didn't achieve the same and felt threatened by the younger one if I struggled with anything.

fluffyanimal Fri 09-Nov-12 13:23:48

That's interesting, DeWe, thanks. I hadn't thought about it like that.

fluffyanimal Fri 09-Nov-12 16:27:03

Anyone else?

midseasonsale Fri 09-Nov-12 17:07:53

In your shoes I would probably put the younger child in the wrong school on the waiting list for his older brothers school as soon the academic year begins. It is likely a space will come up even if you move him part way through reception or year one or year 2.

midseasonsale Fri 09-Nov-12 17:08:04

In your shoes I would probably put the younger child in the wrong school on the waiting list for his older brothers school as soon the academic year begins. It is likely a space will come up even if you move him part way through reception or year one or year 2.

midseasonsale Fri 09-Nov-12 17:08:29

you might even have strong grounds for appeal with the sibling being a the school.

madwomanintheattic Fri 09-Nov-12 17:19:04

I have three in different schools, too. smile

It's so completely ordinary, I haven't even considered any up or downsides...

Dd2 has to move schools next year, so she will probably go to either dd1 or ds1's school, not sure. There is also the possibility that one or other kid <ds1, I'm looking at you> might be homeschooled.

At one point dd1's school was in another county, and she had a cm after school, dd2 and ds1 were at settings at opposite ends of our town (so also had completely separate after school care). I suppose it would have been nice to corral them all together from a convenience pov, but it just didn't work out like that.

The only pita now is that they have slightly different holidays, but only a day or two here and there for pd days.

There doesn't seem to have been any emotional fallout... (Oh, in fact dd1 and ds1 were at the same school last year, but dd1 asked to change to the catholic school. So she did. They were routinely in different schools for years before that.)

When dd2 started yr r, we did ask that she was placed in ds1's school as she has cerebral palsy and we felt it would be important for her to be in a familiar building. Not so much to do with ds1, lol, just because she struggled with change anyway. They were only at the same school for a year.

lisad123 Fri 09-Nov-12 17:26:21

I have two children at two different schools. It's hard work but we are lucky one school has a school minibus which makes pick ups a lot easier.

sunnyday123 Fri 09-Nov-12 21:02:31

I faced this last year but by luck dd2 got one of the last out of parish sibling places. I feel your stress and worry honestly its horrible!

If infant class sizes you are very unlikely to win an appeal at result time but that doesn't mean separate schools forever! In dds school (and similar) most out of parish siblings plan on appealing in in year 3 when infant class size rules don't apply. The school seem to suggest they will not argue against this and are actually advising parents to keep kids in shool with theim of transferring in year 3.

Also even in reception the previous year, 2 children managed to transfer before the end of the reception year due to kids coming and going.

Also depending on year groups etc its likely plays, sports days etc a on different days anyway?

CaptainFlack Sat 10-Nov-12 20:31:48

I have 2 in different schools and it is working out surprisingly well for us. We moved from abroad in June and DS got a place in a new school as an in-year admission, as they were filling up the school. It is slightly out of catchment for us. We rushed to apply for his place and thought there would be no problem for DD to get in for Reception (as implied by school & council as school was so new) so we applied a couple of weeks later for DD only to be told that they were full for Sept and she was on the waiting list!

We decided to wait it out initially as she was number 2 (and 1 for a while) over the summer - (and she is July born, so felt there was no rush to start her) - it is a stressful business, always wondering if you might get the call. However, one day in Sept, I called the council and they let me know that they were processing an application with a higher priority than DD so she would slip down the list - I realised that day that we could be in for a long wait, as the school is on a new estate with people moving ON rather than off. Meanwhile, DD was desperate to start school, so we decided to take a look at the catchment school where she had been allocated a place (which we had deferred) - this school suffers from a poor reputation locally, but just had an Ofsted 'Good' rating.

Long story short, we really liked the school and DD started the following week, went part time for 2 days and begged to go full-time (wasn't in my plan at all LOL) - so now she goes there and LOVES it.

It works for us because DH works from home 3 days a week, and thankfully I have a mum at both schools that I get on with and trust and they help out with pick-ups (this is a blessing cos we are new to the area!) when I need.

This has become an epic post, sorry - what is very interesting to us is how different the schools are - and weirdly, I honestly don't know what I will do when/if we get the call for DD to go to DS's school because the two schools suit their respective personalities and there are things I like about both - the new school has some teething pains and I don't love DS teacher & TA but has good ethos and pastoral care (and good facilities inside but too new outside, no character), DDs school is very established, great outdoors, but 1970s inside & more rough & tumble with really dedicated staff.

Lastly (honest), my DCs are REALLY close, but DS tends to dominate all the games etc and we feel it is great for DD to have her independence, I love the chat at dinner 'in MY school, we do this, what did you do in assembly? etc etc
Sooo, there you have it, our story, with positive overtones I hope!
Good Luck!!

Ladymuck Sun 11-Nov-12 19:36:15

Mine have usually been in different schools, though in our case we chose the schools specifically to suit them as individuals.

Because I can be doing school runs in opposite directions it has been stressful for me at times, but the boys have both thrived. They each have a novelty factor in having a sibling close in age who isn't at the same school. So it isn't unworkable. I think that it does make a difference for us though in that we can talk about how each school suits that boy, so I would try to be very positive about whichever school you do choose. Think about what one aspect you can quote to show how it is best suited to one child but not their older sibling.

fluffyanimal Mon 12-Nov-12 13:31:05

Thanks for all these comments, everyone. Made me feel a lot better!

GooseyLoosey Mon 12-Nov-12 13:33:04

Dd and ds were at the same school for 4 years. Earlier this year they moved to separate primary schools. It has allowed dd (the quieter of the two) a chance to shine and to move out from behind ds's shadow.

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