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Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Primary education

Who would you speak to about this? I'm a bit upset.

26 replies

TheOneWithTheHair · 17/10/2012 20:57

Last week dd, year 4, dropped into the conversation that two boys on her lunch table had been spitting in her food. I was quite shocked by this and told her she must tell a teacher.

I asked her the next day and she said she'd told a teacher and it had stopped.

I found out today that one of the boys had been bragging about it and said he still did it because dd annoyed him and he hated her. When he was told it was "gross" he just laughed and said he thought it was funny.

I'm going to speak to school in the morning so I asked dd which teacher she had told and she said it was a dinner lady.

I'm not sure who I need to talk to about it. Dh is seething and says I should go straight to the head but I'm wondering if maybe I should go to the class teacher or maybe the one who's in charge of social care? (Sorry, I forgot the proper name.)

Any help or advice greatly appreciated.

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Fabulousfreaks · 17/10/2012 20:59

Start with the class teacher first and then if nothing is resolved go to the head.

bigTillyMint · 17/10/2012 21:00

As it happened at lunchtime, the classteacher may be completely unaware of what has gone on. I would ask to see the HT/DH and ask if the "dinner lady" she told could come and talk about what happened.

sooperdooper · 17/10/2012 21:00

I would speak to her teacher first, and tell them which other teacher this has already been reported to - poor dd that's a horrible thing to do

ILoveSparklers · 17/10/2012 21:04

Class teacher first.

MumaBex · 17/10/2012 21:05

Sorry to read about what is happening with dd. That is disgusting.
I would go straight to the head, because they are responsible in dealing with issues outside the classroom. And if the message comes from them it seems to have a bigger impact than just coming from the class teacher. Plus they have the authority to go to the parents of the children involved to sort it out rapidly.
Hope it gets sorted quickly for you.

TheOneWithTheHair · 17/10/2012 21:09

Thanks for the replies.

Yes it is horrible sooperdooper. :(

Believe it or not after 12yrs of having children in school, this is the first time I've had to deal with something like this. That's why I'm not sure who to see.

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TheOneWithTheHair · 17/10/2012 21:17

The replies are pretty polarised too. Seems a bit of 50/50.

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bigTillyMint · 17/10/2012 21:40

The thing is, as a teacher, if a parent came in asking about something that had happened at lunchtime, chances are I wouldn't know anything about it so then we would have to find the person who dealt with it and take it from there. I might have to escalate it to DH/HT anyway.

AlmostAHipster · 17/10/2012 21:43

In a previous life as a teacher, I had one of my students permanently excluded for spitting at another child - it can be a serious health and safety issue. I would be foaming mad and seeing the head teacher in the morning!

TheOneWithTheHair · 17/10/2012 21:43

Thanks bigTillyMint. I do know the name of the dinner lady because dd told me. Do you think I should ask for an appointment with the HT then?

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TheOneWithTheHair · 17/10/2012 21:45

Thanks AlmostAHipster. It's good to hear from teachers that they don't think I'd be making a fuss over nothing by going to see the head iyswim.

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bigTillyMint · 17/10/2012 21:54

Yes, or the DH if the HT isn't available.

TheOneWithTheHair · 17/10/2012 21:55

Right. I will do that. Thank you for you help. I'm just a bit lost with all this.

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TheOneWithTheHair · 18/10/2012 14:22

Update.

I spoke with the head about it this morning and he already knew about the 1st incident of spitting which is good. He took me seriously and said he'd investigate.

I've since had a phone call from dd's teacher who has spoken to the main boy. He didn't deny talking about it or doing it but said it was an accident.

He has been made to apologise and has been told if anything happens again he will be moved and his parents informed.

They teacher is going to have a chat with dd's table about table manners and the woman who runs the dining hall will keep an eye on them.

The boys have been made to change position on the lunch table already so they are not right next to dd.

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bigTillyMint · 18/10/2012 15:20

Sounds like it's been taken seriously. Fingers crossed that's the end of it!

Frontpaw · 18/10/2012 15:24

Urgh. The school should tell his parents (revolting brat).

MrsMelons · 19/10/2012 12:18

Wow I cannot believe they have not told the childs parents. Sometimes I think some teachers tell parents about incidents they do not really need to be discussed as they should be dealt with in school but that is quite serious and I think the parents should have been told.

I would be more upset if someone did this to DS than I would if he was hit!

TheOneWithTheHair · 19/10/2012 12:42

Well they haven't told me they're telling the parents. Would they normally?

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MrsMelons · 19/10/2012 13:15

Its a difficult one as usually the school would inform you of an incident like this and may say they will also be informing the other child's parents without disclosing who the child is to you. Its normal practice in schools and pre-schools.

In this instance you have told them who the child is so maybe they will be speaking to them but didn't tell you that but you said they would inform the parents if it happened again so this suggests they haven't this time.

TheOneWithTheHair · 19/10/2012 13:24

I think that it implies they haven't this time too. I don't really know how I feel about that. Just that I hope it dies down now.

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AlmostAHipster · 19/10/2012 14:37

Let's hope it has stopped now but your daughter must tell an adult immediately if it happens again.

My 13 year old middle girl had a horrible bully put her dirty hands (after an Art lesson, working with clay) on her food so my girl refused to eat her lunch. I went ballistic and got the head of year involved due to the hygiene issue and the disrespect shown to my kid. If it had been spitting, I would have gone to the Governors if the child had not been excluded. It's something I feel very strongly about obviously

Frontpaw · 19/10/2012 14:58

If it was my son, I'd want to know. Then I'd spit in every meal for a week and see how he likes it. I'd also tell the OPs mun that I was doing it too, and all his friends.

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TheOneWithTheHair · 19/10/2012 15:02

AlmostAHipster your poor dd. That's horrible too. :(

I can't tell the parents myself as I never see them so I'll have to leave it in the hands of the school.

I'd want to know too Frontpaw.

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Frontpaw · 19/10/2012 15:56

I can't see why the school wouldn't tell them. If its a case to discipline, then the parents should be told. Any parent would punish, wouldn't they (said she naively).

TheOneWithTheHair · 19/10/2012 16:12

I would like to think so Frontpaw!

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