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Should I talk to the teacher about this?

(13 Posts)
cupofteaplease Thu 11-Oct-12 22:01:49

This might sound silly to ask for advice, bearing in mind I am a primary school teacher myself...!

However, for the last few days a little girl in my dd1's class (Year 3) has been saying that she wishes my dd were dead hmm A boy said it to her yesterday too. Today, the same girl also said she wished my dd would move away and go to another school.

Obviously this is hurting my dd's feelings and I'd like to stop it before it gets out of control. To make matters a bit more tricky, our third dd is severely ill and life-limited, so dd is very aware of death, what it means and that it can happen to children so it's all a bit too close to home for her.

Her teacher is on 6 week's sick leave (broken foot!), and the class has had a few cover teachers, so I'm not sure if there's any point in going to speak to him/her, or whether to call the head. I feel that calling the head might be an over reaction.


TeaBrick Thu 11-Oct-12 22:03:19

Yes you should absolutely tell the teacher

Felicitywascold Thu 11-Oct-12 22:04:12

I would call and speak to the deputy as your DDs normal teacher is off sick. But yes it needs reporting so it can be nipped in the bud.

dyzzidi Thu 11-Oct-12 22:04:47

I would make an appointment and speak to the head teacher. You need to make sure she is supported by any staff who may come into contact with her and treated sensitively. If the school are not aware of the home situation with her sister I would make them aware of it.

picnicbasketcase Thu 11-Oct-12 22:04:54

Definitely. Your poor DD sad These children need to be told that speaking to others like that is absolutely unacceptable.

cupofteaplease Thu 11-Oct-12 22:14:16

Thank you for the replies. The school are aware of dd3, as dds1 and 2 sometimes miss days of school to go to the hospice for respite.

If her class teacher was available, I would speak to her without hesitation. I think what's worrying me is wasting the head's time.

But on MN advice, I will call tomorrow as I'm at work and I don't want this to fester over the weekend.

HumphreyCobbler Thu 11-Oct-12 22:18:55

I also agree that it is important to mention this - good luck with getting it sorted.

I am a teacher too, but also find myself really hesitating over any contact with my son's school

clam Thu 11-Oct-12 22:24:11

Well, I don't know what your Head's like but I can promise you that ours would be in to speak to those kids before she'd even put the phone down.

You would absolutely NOT be wasting her time.

simpson Thu 11-Oct-12 22:40:07

I would either speak to HT or KS2 leader if your DD1 has a different teacher on a regular basis.

I hope this gets sorted soon....

Carpediem2007 Thu 11-Oct-12 22:41:33

Actually, even without knowing your home situation, this is not terribly nice behaviour from other pupils and this needs to be addressed as school should support a caring attitude. 2 children telling this to your DD is a bit much, do you know more about the context? Why are they being so mean to her??

As a teacher, you probably know that you can only help if you are made aware of issues that have significant impact on your pupils. If teachers don't know about it, they can't tackle it and support your DD.

Definitely not wasted time to tell current teachers about it, whether they are permanent or not, they are dealing with the NOW time - and if they can't handle it, go up.

I reported what I thought were minor issues to my DS's teacher (with lots of hesitation on my part but I could not just try to reassure him for ever that things would probably improve with time) and she impressed me by looking into it and putting measures in place to correct things.

I have huge respect for teachers who try to make pupils happy at school and make them thrive with their learning. DS's teachers definitely work hard for this and have been very active in responding to his 'issues'.

Hope your school responds to your concerns in a constructive way. It sounds like your family has quite a lot to cope with already and in your situation these mean comments hit home too painfully :-(

roadkillbunny Thu 11-Oct-12 22:52:55

I think it is really important you bring this to the attention of the school. Given the situation with the class teacher I see no issue with going to the head as by doing so you are ensuring that somebody who is both in the school everyday and who knows your family situation is awear of what is happening and can then pass this information on to supply teachers as they come and go thus making sure this is nipped in the bud.
I have once gone to the head teacher before class teacher about something that was happening in the playground with my dd and a child from a different year group. I went direct to the head for two reasons, first she was the staff member I laid eyes on first and secondly there were complications due to distressing issues in my private life that only the head knew about. The head was glad I had spoken to her and the issue was felt with swiftly. I have no idea if dd's class teacher even found out about it, I am guessing she did in order to make sure things were sorted, she has never shown the slightest sign she may have been put out by me speaking to the head.
More recently there was an issue with children from verious year groups calling my ds a name that while not nasty in it's self is not his name and upsets him. He was dealing with it in the right way (no, my name is x) and I was sitting on it seeing how things played out as I would rather playground issues were settled just there by the children where possible (even though ds is 4 and has some special needs around communication) but while I was talking to his teacher about something else u mentioned it and she was right on it and keen to stamp it out as she quite rightly pointed out that while it isn't a nasty name and it seems it is just a sound alike joke to the other children if bothers and upsets my ds and is therefore unacceptable and needs to be delt with. In this case what the other children are saying is nasty and ment to be hurtful so all the above multiplied many times over.
Think if it as if you where the class teacher, would you be offended by who was told of a problem or would you simply be glad you had been made awear so you can deal with it? At the end of the day the person who feelings matter most and are being hurt most are your dd's, speak to the head and get this nastiness stopped and the perpetrators educated appropriately about why wishing death on another person is so very, very wrong what ever you may feel the other person has done.
I hope you get this resolved and your dd isn't too upset about this for long, it must be very hard for your whole family and I wish you all the best x

ElinElin Thu 11-Oct-12 22:58:18

I would speak to the head if I were you. Like someone said it ' needs to be nipped in the bud' . Last year when my dd was in year 1 there was a boy who kept telling her every day ' I'm going to kill you' and other threatening things. We told the head teacher who dealt with it straight away. I also sometimes feel hesitant to contact ht but when I have done she has taken me seriously and sorted things out. Good luck.

marbleslost Thu 11-Oct-12 23:06:34

I think I'd speak to the temporary teacher myself. I think it warrants intervention.

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