Sorry this is going to be long, I want to give the whole story.
I also want to apologise in advance if I word anything incorrectly with regards to Special Needs. I don't know much about that area but suspect I have Asperger's myself (so am quite sensitive to wording and what others think, as well as being very awkward with such things) and so I do my best and would love to learn more about the area in general.
My DD is 4yo (birthday was only a couple of months ago) so she is one of the youngest children in her Reception class of 30 children.
She is struggling to deal with the behaviour of one other girl, M, and has been crying in the mornings when leaving the house and going into school. M has special needs, but I don't know what and my DD doesn't know either.
My DD is tired from school, physically, mentally and emotionally, I know she is, but says that she enjoys everything else about school other than the time she spends with M. Incidents have included multiple (accidental, I'm sure) knocks, bumps and scrapes (many, not all, blamed on M) but also having her ponytail pulled out a few times, and the latest thing was having her ponytail band thrown over a fence by M so that DD couldn't get it back. She was really upset about this one as it was a "special" ponytail band (cheap one from Tesco, but DD liked it). We had huge tears going into school the next morning.
I know from seeing the class list that M's last name is before our last name in the alphabet, and I guess this is why she usually sits next to my DD, lines up next to her in the playground, and why they do things like register duty together.
The thing is, for me, this is history repeating itself on two levels.
Firstly, I myself had issues with a boy at primary school when I was a bit older than my DD. I still remember how bad it made me feel at the time. I don't want to project my feelings onto my DD, but I don't want her to hate school, because I loved it (other than this one time). I feel like this is ruining her first weeks at school, what should be a happy time for her, making lots of other new friends (which she is).
Secondly, my DD has just been through this at nursery with another child. For the past year she was put into a group with two or three boys with various special needs (hearing and behavioural issues, possibly autism in one case, I'm not sure) and every day she came home, often upset, with stories about one boy in particular, J, saying he had pushed her, taken her hairband, called her stupid, or whatever. 95% of the time she and J played together beautifully and were best of friends, but it made her cry on a few occasions, and in the end she said she was pleased he wasn't going to be at school with her.
And now this.
I'm sorry if this sounds awful, but I feel like my DD has "done her bit" in terms of being the one paired with the special needs children and I now just want her to experience the fun of being at school without these incidents. (She was chosen for that group at nursery because she is patient and kind.)
This is making her upset (yes she is very sensitive - it has crossed my mind that maybe she has Asperger's herself?) and she is soooo very young, and small physically too, so any pushing or whatever really upsets her. She's been to the office for first aid countless times .
I have tried so hard not to be "that parent", I have dropped DD off at school as briskly as possible, left her sobbing and crying at the door many times, I have not spoken to the teacher once after class (so far), but it's now so bad I'm going to talk to her teacher as soon as I can - Parent's Evening is coming up so that might be the best chance.
But, if anyone has read this far, I would really appreciate any opinions. Has anyone else experienced this? If you are the parent of a child with special needs, what do you think? Can anyone please give me any advice on what to say to my DD other than lots of cuddles and "M doesn't mean to do it, it's just because she wants to be your friend"? Are there any books that might help?
Thank you!
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4yo Reception DD struggling with behaviour of another child (with special needs). Advice please! (Long, sorry)
17 replies
PoppyScarer · 10/10/2012 10:06
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ladyintheradiator ·
10/10/2012 19:47
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ladyintheradiator ·
10/10/2012 20:05
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ladyintheradiator ·
10/10/2012 20:36
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