DS in YR hysterical when I leave

[ilovesushi]

My little boy has just started YR and is having a tough time settling. At his school they all go full time from the start and I think he is finding it too much. He never really settled at his pre-school as he was very ill for most of last year and spent a lot of time in and out of hospital including time in intensive care. He is one of the younger ones and personality-wise he is pretty highly sensitive and copes badly with change, transitions, lots of people and noise - school basically.

He was hysterical when I left him today and once I got home I spent most the morning crying too. There is no set repeated morning routine at his school; they are in a different place doing something different with someone different every morning and it is just too overwhelming for him.

I have explained to the teachers and school that he needs structure and continuity or he will fall apart but they seem to keep forgetting or not taking me seriously, maybe thinking I am an over fussy mum. I keep hearing that it is a 'learning curve'. Well this curve feels too steep to me.

[manchestermummy]

A good friend of mine has had some problems with her DC and has agreed with the teacher (who is very supportive) that her DC is going to be part-time (mornings only) now, and build up the hours gradually. It was the teacher who actually suggested this and it has brought relief all round.

Would something like that be an option? He doesn't need to be in ft school until he's 5.

I'm so sorry you're all having a tough time; I really hope something gets sorted for you.

[Rosebud05]

I think you need to have a formal meeting with your ds's class teacher and someone from the SLT as soon as possible. In addition to your son's history and health needs, the ever changing environment and people sounds very inappropriate for a new reception class.

My dd found the transition to reception very difficult as she also finds it very difficult to manage change, people, noise etc and I can't imagine that she'd have coped at all with the additional difficulties that your son has.

It sounds like the school needs to be providing a more stable environment and if possible, I wonder if some time being part time would help?

[trinity0097]

How is he when you pick him up? Children often feed off the parent being anxious, so if you are showing any sign of anxiety they will pick it up and often play on it. Tomorrow drop off quickly and leave quickly, no big fuss, just a tiny hug/kiss and then go.

[ilovesushi]

Thanks all for the support and encouragement. I do think I need to have a face to face meeting with his teachers. It is a really large class so there are two full time teachers and one TA. The class size doesn't help either.

I would love to do a quick cheerful drop off but they have this system for YR where the parents come in for 20 minutes and do an activity with the kids every morning. It can be literally anywhere in the school, so some days he is saying goodbye in the playground, the next in the hall, the next in the library. Really really tough on a little boy who needs to feel safe and secure through routine and predictability.

He did come out of school today saying it was great so that was an ENORMOUS relief. I think part time or a mix of part time and full time could help. I think the full week is just too much at the moment.

[mrz]

Could you get someone else to drop him off ... some children find it easier.

[Rosebud05]

I'm not suggesting that mrz idea isn't a good one or worth trying, but just to say I tried this with my dd and it made things worse - there were 2 transitions for her to cope with and she just couldn't do it.

It's great that he came out of school happy - there are definitely some things that are working for him there, so that's what to build on.

One way to think about this situation is that if an adult had had a long time of work due to illness including being in intensive care and were finding a new job difficult, it would be considered perfectly reasonable for them to talk with the employer to see how the workplace and their work load could better be adapted to meet their needs, in the short term at least.

Some children do find transitions hard. Some children do find school hard. Having one of these children (and another one who just breezes through things), I've sometimes been quite shocked on MN at suggestions that somehow it's the way the parent is managing things that's causing the problems or they, at just 4, they just have to learn to get on with school.

[mrz]

It really depends who the other person is. I have known lots of children over the years who get upset when mum leaves but come in with a smile when dad or granny bring them. It might be worth a try if this is an option.

[RiversideMum]

You need to ask how long he is upset for. Most children who kick up a massive fuss when dropped off are absolutely fine 2 minutes after Mum leaves the building. Sorry.

[Lara2]

A little boy in my class was like this at first and it took a few days of hand holding, tissues and involving him in activities. The crying got less and less everyday and now he's a happy camper! I did feel for his mum though, and we made sure we phoned her everyday to tell her he'd stopped crying and was happy. Any chance they could do that for you?