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DS just started reception. Already asking for children over, I don't know any parents. Whats the etiquette?

(19 Posts)
CrapBag Sun 30-Sep-12 21:40:54

I can only fob him off for so long. I'm not a massive fan of having other children over but DS has been asking for his new friends that he has made in school, to come over.

I don't have a table and chairs, unfortunately our house is tiny and there just isn't the space, not even for ones that fold away. Not sure how tea will work.

How do you do this when you don't know any parents? I'm not really one to strike up random conversations with people I don't know. I find it awkward and uncomfortable. I have a friend I speak to in the playground as our children go to the same school so we tend to just talk. I have spoken to one other mum but thats it.

DS keeps asking me and I don't want to keep saying no. I'm not sure how I would feel about my 4 year old going to someones house that I don't know.

What is the etiquette on this sort of thing? Do we wait until term is established a bit more? Is it required that we have to become friends with the parents? I am pretty happy with the friends I have and I don't really have the energy to go making more.

Gumby Sun 30-Sep-12 21:44:00

Just send an invite via bookbag post

'would johnny line to come round for tea straight from school on Friday? We live at xx address if you'd like to pick him up at 6pm. My phone number is xxxx'

You will have to have some contact with his classmates parents over the next 7 years I'm afraid

WipsGlitter Sun 30-Sep-12 21:44:59

I would see if here is one in particular he wants over then find that parent and arrange it. I would not be giving them tea at this age (is this an after school playdate?).

My DS has oly been to two other children's houses and I had met and been out socially with the mums beforehand.

BoysBoysBoysAndMe Sun 30-Sep-12 21:51:35

Ask ds to show you who his friend is, see who he belongs to at home time and approach mum.

Just say, hi I'm ds mum, ds has been asking if little johnny can come for tea one day. Maybe next Friday after school? I can pick up little johnny straight from school if you want?

If mum seems a bit cautious, just say-do you want to have a think and let me know tomorrow? I just live (in what area, street).
How's little johnny settling in?

Just start a casual conversation. He is only 4 so she may feel he is a bit young to be left with why is effectively a stranger. But it depends how you both are. I've never been turned down for a tea invite, I've found mums more than happy to have one less to look after for a couple of hours.

Don't worry about it. Just be relaxed, casual and yourself. And a picnic tea is way more fun than a sit down tea anyway!

ChristmasKate Sun 30-Sep-12 21:53:22

You are going to have together brave and just invite them round, don't worry about a table you can have a picnic tea on a blanket in the lounge or something like that.

The other parent won't give a rats arse about a dining room or table they will most probably be so relieved that someone likes their DC enough to spend extra time with them after school they won't even give it a thought and its not about the parents it is for the children.

DD has asked for a little boy in her class to come for tea so we will swap numbers this week, I don't know his mum at all so I will see if they both want to come over for an hour after school for snack, play and coffee for us.

I'm not very social and I work whilst DD is at school but I'm happy to help her make friends even though I really would rather not!

CharlotteBronteSaurus Sun 30-Sep-12 21:54:01

deep breath, bite the bullet and go for it. they will no doubt be grateful you made the first move.
some parents are a bit cautious about DC going to play with someone they don't know, so if you can bear it invite them to come for a brew as well.

ChristmasKate Sun 30-Sep-12 21:54:15

To get not togeather - bloody ipad

CrapBag Sun 30-Sep-12 22:03:49

I like the bookbag idea.

Some parents are in and out before I would get chance to speak to them, or sometimes I have picked up DS and there are others left (we go in to the classroom and take them one at a time).

Goodness knows what I would actually do for tea. DS is a nightmare to feed. Probably a picnic rather than a proper tea. I'll let him go for a bit longer but then I'll have to get on with it. I am suppose to be the adult grin.

What about when its twins? There are boy girl twins who DS plays with but he particularly likes the boy. Is it ok to just invite 1? I would assume it was as they are separate people.

ladypavlova Sun 30-Sep-12 22:11:46

Just the bit twin is fine don't worry. Why don't you ask the mum to come for coffee at the same time? If she doesn't know you she might prefer that and it will mean another familiar face in the playground too. You cld just ask them both back for an hour so avoiding the whole tea issue?

ladypavlova Sun 30-Sep-12 22:12:25

That should say boy twin!!

PoppyWearer Sun 30-Sep-12 22:17:28

I've done picnic/party tea and 4yo's loved it.

Etiquette at our school seems to be to invite mum and any other DCs for the first one at least. If they are DC1.

CrapBag Sun 30-Sep-12 22:17:45

I know I shouldn't go by what others say but this mum is known to my best friend. My best friend has told me that she can be a bit of a cow, it has made me wary of befriending her. My best friend did tell me that the children are lovely though.

ChristmasKate Sun 30-Sep-12 22:30:24

You don't have to become friends, you can be friendly acquaintances for the benefit of your children!

Invite her for the first time or offer after school time in the book bag.

DD is my 3rd so I let her go with anyone that offers grin

Maryz Sun 30-Sep-12 22:34:50

You don't need a table and chairs.

I used to have picnics for my children when they were little - they went down a storm. A blanket on the floor of the sitting room is fine.

It's ok to invite one twin. The only time I would have a worry about this is if one twin either has SN or appears to have no friends. I would assume both twins would make friends with different people. If one twin seems constantly left out, it would be nice to include both (if that makes sense - I have a friend with twins, one very popular, one possibly on the autistic spectrum, and she would hug anyone who would occasionally include them both).

Maryz Sun 30-Sep-12 22:35:46

And ignore anyone who says any mum is "a bit of a cow".

Take every parent at face value, it will make the school gate much easier if you have no preconceptions. And someone your friend doesn't like might turn out to be someone you get on very well with.

totallypearshaped Sun 30-Sep-12 22:49:56

Invite the mum as well - or if that is too much of a squeeze, ask other mum if you and she could go to the park with the two lads.

I have to say that 4yo seems very young to be off on a three hour playdate, to a place you don't know, and a new adult you don't know either.

moonstorm Sun 30-Sep-12 23:14:27

Could you meet at a park after school instead?

weedonleg Mon 01-Oct-12 06:52:39

I was going to post a similar question. DS has just started reception. Unfortunately his best friend goes to a childminder every day after school. I introduced myself to the childminder and she has kindly invited me and DS over for a snack and play after school (I just need to arrange a date with her), but I'm not sure how to reciprocate, as the mum obviously won't get to me meet me, so I assume won't want her DS to come to mine, being so young.

Feeling a bit jealous as lots of the other reception children are doing playdates as their mums already know each other from preschool (I've just moved to the area). Unfortunately this little boy is the only one DS is interested in!

Please tell me it won't harm DS to not have any friends around until after the first round of birthday parties, at which point I should get to know the other mums enough for invitations to be forthcoming/accepted?

noramum Mon 01-Oct-12 07:27:20

Weedonleg, my DD goes to a childminder and I try to get her friends over on a Saturday afternoon. I did this already with her nursery friends as all the mums work so we only see each other at weekends.

I found that the school mums are often glad to have a couple of hours free at the weekend, especially if there is a second child at home to do some one-to-one time.

Or ask if the child is at home for half term, if both mum and CM are
E ok you could pick up/bring back the child to the CM.

I normally don't offer tea as DD eats with us quite late. But a sandwich and some fruit and biscuit always go down well. Just tell the mum so she knows that her child will need food after pck up.

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