My DD, who will be 6 in December, is in Y1. She loves school and does well academically. In Reception, she had a best friend from whom she was absolutely inseparable; they did everything together and had a very exclusive friendship. This child has since moved abroad, and DD has been left rather desolate after putting all her friendship eggs in one basket, so to speak.
She now sits alone to have lunch, or has a random child sat next to her. She plays on her own in the playground. She tells me this is through preference, as she doesn't like the games the other children in her class play, and wants to play her own game. She is a tomboyish little girl, more interested in cars, other vehicles, space etc, although she does like fairies. DD is not at all interested in clothes, princesses, and regards wearing nail varnish etc as a bit silly (this is what she tells me). She is also disapproving of bad behaviour in class, as she is desperate to please and loves an academic, structured approach to things, so although she is too shy/quiet to tell tales, she doesn't like to be around children messing about(!)
I feel really worried about her being lonely and always playing alone, although she doesn't want me to do anything to change this (eg won't sit on the friendship bench, doesn't want me to talk to her teacher, won't make much effort to instigate playing with others). She loves going to school and learning, and she does occasionally really enjoy playing with other children on a one to one basis, but she does seem to be mostly content alone.
My worries are:
How can I help her get over her excruciating shyness and join in with others a bit more?
How can I help her to understand that she can't always choose what game they will play, and that having friends means compromising sometimes?
I strongly feel that she is lovable just as she is, but am I making her stand out more if she doesn't conform to girly norms like being interested in appearance etc?
Her YR teachers told me she was a lovely, very able, quirky little girl who would grow in confidence as she got older, but it's breaking my heart to think of her on her own in the playground (even though she isn't too bothered), and I know she would love to find a little soul mate. We do playdates, after school activities etc all with limited success. What more can I do?
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Year 1 girl having problems making friends
Campaspe · 24/09/2012 18:40
My Y1 DD1 is in a similar position. She had a best friend in reception who lived in our street but she was a foster child and has now moved to an adoptive family (300 miles away). Since this friend has gone she hasn't really 'clicked' with anyone new. Its almost as if the friendships were all forged within the first few weeks & DD1 has kind of missed the boat now.
I also find that a lot of children are friends because their Mums are friends or they live close to one another. Unfortunately, I don't do the school drop offs/pick ups so I don't really know any of the other Mums & we don't live particularly close to any of the other girls in her class. The fact that I'm painfully shy myself probably doesn't help matters either 
She does play with other children but its always a different child every day & she just doesn't seem to have any close friends. She's never been invited to a play date & when we go to parties there always seems to be little 'cliques' of children playing together with my DD1 either amusing herself or flitting between them trying to get involved with their little games.
Unfortunately I don't have any answers but I will be watching this thread with interest.
No advice I'm afraid, but just wanted to say she sounds just like my YR1 dd - I wish they knew each other! I especially recognise what you said about her being desperate to please and disapproving of naughty behaviour, although my dd does tell the teacher if she sees any, which isn't going to do anything to endear her to her classmates . She also struggles with parties, and loud noise, and often doesn't join in/gets upset by the noise, even if the others are from her class. In Reception my dd only had a 'close' friend for a short spell of a couple of weeks, until the other girl decided to move on to new friends.....
I help sometimes at her school with school trips etc, and I dread it really as the first time I did it her class were lined up holding hand in twos ready to leave, and dd was standing there on her own .
I do have her on a waiting list for Rainbows, and I push myself out of my own comfort zone a lot to talk to other mums and initiate playdates, even though sometimes they might not be reciprocated - which I think can be partly because other mums aren't as desperate to help their dcs make friends, and partly because they might have other siblings so already have someone to play with at home (my dd is an only child, is yours?).
I'll keep watching this thread. Good luck 
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