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Could anyone read this and let me know their thoughts please?

(13 Posts)
PiedWagtail Mon 24-Sep-12 10:49:17

Sorry this is long. DD age 8 has just written the text below as part of her Brownie writer's badge. Some of her phrasing is a bit odd, I think, and I wondered if anyone had the time to read it and let me know what you think? Many thanks.

A presentation about Bear Grylls - TV presenter on exploring
Bear Grylls is a very lively character with lots of personality and passion for the countryside and its surroundings. He loves to have adventures in horrible places to us, like the Arctic or boiling places like the rain forests in South America with high humidity and temperatures, or dangerous grasslands in places like South Africa. He is a true born survivor and will walk several miles to find a pond or lake or river to “tickle“ trout.
He has climbed many rocky mountain ranges and has been able to find water, make shelters to sleep in and find food so well that he now has a very successful TV show about survival as well as writing books about survival and his experiences. He has done very brave and courageous deeds just to keep his camera crew in good condition, with lots of food and water to keep them healthy and hydrated.
He also shows knowledge of his journeys and will keep you interested and amazed to find so much out about his travels around the world. He has piercing blue eyes like the clear water of the Spanish sea, and short dark brown hair. He also has pure red lips and words always falling out of them. I think he is a very inspiring kind of man, and an open and funny one too.
He has done a lot of amazing things including swimming naked with only a dead slippery seal-skin on, diving from sixty feet up and without knowledge of how deep the water is, although it was, luckily, deep enough! He has climbed Mount Everest, being the youngest Brit to climb it, at the age of twenty-three, and has even paramotored over the Angel Falls in Venezuela, the world’s highest waterfall.
On his TV programmes, he often parachutes from planes and helicopters. He also climbs very dangerous places like big waterfalls like the Angel Falls in Venezuela or big ravines in Brazil. He once used a tree to push over and walk over a dangerous ravine!
He is currently Chief Scout. He wears his valued Scout badge on his arm. He was also in the Army and learned all kinds of useful fitness and training skills.
He is very fond of his home and in a interview he claimed it’s his favourite place on earth. He has also said that he wants to have adventures with his boys when they are older – they already love sailing, climbing and eating ants! He has been voted 7th coolest man in the UK; his boys plainly admire him, but not when he`s sitting in the bath with them, covered from head to toe with rubber ducks and plastic! Surprisingly, the worst part of filming his show for him is actually being away from home and not seeing his wife or boys for days; he thinks this is far worse than hurting himself!

LateDeveloper Mon 24-Sep-12 10:53:27

looks like she has papraphrased well from the interview she read and written loads - what are you worried about?

LateDeveloper Mon 24-Sep-12 10:53:48

*paraphrased

dysfunctionalme Mon 24-Sep-12 11:00:55

I'm sure it'll be fine. 8year olds are supposed to write in "slightly odd" ways. But mostly it sounds as though it's paraphrased from the internet, and that, too is fine.

PiedWagtail Mon 24-Sep-12 11:01:03

Thanks Late
I think it was these mainly:

'He is a true born survivor and will walk several miles to find a pond or lake or river to “tickle“ trout.
He also has pure red lips and words always falling out of them.'

Normal or unusual??

Tingalingle Mon 24-Sep-12 11:06:42

The only 'odd' bit is maybe the pure red lips -- but even that could be paraphrased from traditional fairy tales, and only sounds odd to adult ears because we don't normally praise male lips (whereas princesses are fair game).

dysfunctionalme Mon 24-Sep-12 11:19:17

It would be unusual for an adult to write but totally sensible for a child's mind to come up with a phrase like that.

PiedWagtail Mon 24-Sep-12 11:50:17

Good, thank you! Dysfunctional - she looked at one interview on the internet and the rest is her own work.

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman Mon 24-Sep-12 11:53:21

'Tickling' trout is an old poacher's technique for catching trout without nets or lines so that phrase wouldn't bother me.

PiedWagtail Mon 24-Sep-12 12:06:13

Thanks Hell - that phrase is fine, it was some of the others I was concerned about.

LateDeveloper Mon 24-Sep-12 13:31:14

what worries you about the phrasing? feels like there is something behind your concerns.

clam Mon 24-Sep-12 14:35:57

I think that if your dd worte that, unaided, at 8 years old then you have absolutely NOTHING to worry about. She is clearly an able writer!
She should be very proud of herself.

PiedWagtail Mon 24-Sep-12 15:08:37

Thanks Clam. I had vague concerns about Asperger's syndrome - dd often has an odd turn of phrase, focuses on something small and insignificant rather than the main point - I don't know. Maybe I'm worryng about nothing.

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