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DS1 (5) excluded from school two days in a row

(320 Posts)
pinkandsparklytoo Fri 21-Sep-12 22:35:20

DS has been in year 1 for just over 2 weeks. Yesterday he was excluded for hitting the teacher. Apparently she had asked him to pack up the train track and he refused. He went on some sort of chair-throwing rampage and hit her in the back a few times tehn kicked her. They called his Recepton teacher in to deal with him and phoned me. He was out of there by 10:20.
Today I missed got a voice mail from teh schol. When I rang them back I found out that they thought he had bitten someone this morning but they couldn't see any marks and let him carry on with the day. However he had then later bitten someone and left a big mark, the headteacher said it was because the other boy wasn't paying attention to the teacher. She also said that my DS had told her that DS2 bites him and that's where he got it from. DS2 is 1 and hasn't bitten him for months. Later on DS told me that they had been playing dinosaurs and he was T. Rex and the other boy was T. Rex prey so he bit him to eat him up.
This week has not gone well for him in general. Tuesday I got told not to pack him fruit strings in his lunch box any more as he refused to eat the other food in it when I did. This is besides him having had them twice already this month and it not being a problem. Wednesday I had a word with the teacher to warn her that some boys had said they were going to cut his hair off (it is shoulder length) and she told me that I need to tie it up or cut some off as it is "dangerous". This was due to it becoming tangled in her big beaded necklace when she bent over him. And then the exclusions of the last two days. I don't really know what to do with him. Has anyone got any advice?

RandomMess Fri 21-Sep-12 22:39:01

How was his behaviour at school last year?

How is his behaviour at home?

Devora Fri 21-Sep-12 22:41:37

Can you give us some more context? How is his behaviour generally? Is he a happy child? Is anything big happening in his life at the moment? Does he enjoy school? What did he say when you asked him about these incidents?

pinkandsparklytoo Fri 21-Sep-12 22:43:44

Last year he got excluded twice, once for accidentally hitting a lunch lady with a hoop she was trying to get off his friend and once for hitting a girl who took something off another friend. He does occasionally lash out at home and throw things when he gets angry/frustrated.

pinkandsparklytoo Fri 21-Sep-12 22:45:50

His best friend who he went to nursery and reception moved away in the holidays but there are other boys there who he plays with. He is usually pretty happy. There have been issues in the past with sharing, particularly trains. He loves trains, they are his number one thing and he can be very bossy and protective over them at school.

DioneTheDiabolist Fri 21-Sep-12 22:46:32

Does the school have a counsellor?
How would you feel about him seeing them?

kid Fri 21-Sep-12 22:48:13

It seems quite extreme for a Y1 child to be excluded twice already, but the things you have said that your DS has done can not be ignored in school. It sounds like a really tricky situation all round.

I think the school need to put in place a personal behaviour plan so all members of staff will know how to deal with your DS. It should include clear rules for him to follow but not too many. The school should be able to organise this, its not for you to do for them.

I work in a school and we do use behaviour plans. They do work when followed by everyone.

pinkandsparklytoo Fri 21-Sep-12 22:48:44

Last year the recpetion teacher had an educational psychologist come to assess him, he gave them tips for dealing with his behaviour but there were no major issues. He isn't generally a naughty or violent little boy. I think he misses his old teachers which doesn't help, especially as when he is naughty in class they go get him to talk to him.

pinkandsparklytoo Fri 21-Sep-12 22:50:01

Yes, they have had the behaviour plans before, I would have thought that his last teacher would have handed them on to the next teacher and perhaps have done something to forewarn her about how he is about things.

Almandine Fri 21-Sep-12 22:56:34

Reading between the lines, it sounds as though the school aren't coping to well with your DSs behavior, they got in the ed psych who couldn't find too much wrong (didn't want to give any sort of diagnosis) and so the only way the school can get additional help for your DS (and themselves!) is by excluding him.

Does your DS have an IEP?

Is he on, school action plus?

The hair sounds like a minor thing to be honest....why don't you have it cut?

AngelEyes46 Fri 21-Sep-12 22:57:13

Pink-has he ever been checked for autism? He sounds as if he likes a structure and boundaries. My DS threw a chair when he was younger and it's horrible as you think what have I been doing wrong?

DioneTheDiabolist Fri 21-Sep-12 22:57:39

A child counsellor is different from an educational psychologist. While the EP will assess and advise the teachers, a counsellor can help your DS understand and manage his behaviour himself. They will work with him and help him, rather than helping the adults around him IYSWIM.

mumnosGOLDisbest Fri 21-Sep-12 22:59:00

Don't want to sound harsh but you first need to accept that his behaviour is wrong and don't excuse it with reasons like playing T-Rex or people taking things from him/his friends. These might be his triggers but aren't excuses for aggression. He needs to learn that. When my ds went through a hitting stage, i found it best not to ask why he'd done it. That almost suggests there might be a suitable reason.

Almandine Fri 21-Sep-12 22:59:51

I'm asking why you don't get his hair cut for a reason...not just because I'm a narky cow who thinks you should cart him off for a buzz cut.

Does he object to things like haircuts?

JollyToddler Fri 21-Sep-12 23:00:50

He isn't generally a 'naughty boy' but he has been excluded 4 times since the start of reception. This is quite a high number of times. A lot of children (probably the majority) don't manage to get excluded 4 times by the end of secondary. Possibly the school don't understand how to manage him?

wanttomakeadifference Fri 21-Sep-12 23:00:55

The hair thing is a tiny part of the issue, but I can't help wondering if his teacher expects the girls in her class to have short hair too?

pinkandsparklytoo Fri 21-Sep-12 23:03:37

What is an IEP? And the school action plus?

I don't cut his hair off becasue he likes it long. I do give it a trim to keep it above his shoulders but he doesn't want any more than that. I do offer.

He hasn't been checked for autism but I would have thought that the ed psych would have picked up on something like that while he was observing him and asking him questions. I do wonder what I have done wrong, he has been excluded four times since starting proper school!

kid Fri 21-Sep-12 23:03:59

Its up to you if you want him to have long hair or not, there are a few boys in my class with long hair. As long as they tie it back for swimming or wear a swimming cap, its not a problem.

If her necklace got caught in his hair, then perhaps she shouldn't wear it or needs to be more careful when leaning over the children.
The school definitely need to work with you to help your DS control his temper and actions.

meditrina Fri 21-Sep-12 23:04:44

OP said cut off or tie back. Our primary had a rule that all hair that was shoulder length or longer, on either sex, must be tied back. It's a pretty normal thing for a school to ask for, and one straightforward thing to solve.

mumnosGOLDisbest Fri 21-Sep-12 23:05:31

You need tp talk tp school about how they are going to help him. In my class (f2) i use positive time out. I have a chair outside the class in a quiet area. This is for a particular child. If he feels angry/wants to hurt someone he takes himself off for a think. Myself or another adult then go for a chat about why he got upset and what we can do about it.

JollyToddler Fri 21-Sep-12 23:06:07

Where do you live, pink, in the UK?

pinkandsparklytoo Fri 21-Sep-12 23:08:31

Yes I live in the UK. When he was in reception they had a little curtained off area that he could go to to calm down. He also had a bit more one on one with a specific ta to help him. I asked teh headteacher yesterday if there were any rules regarding hair needing to be tied up; she said no. There are plenty of girls with longer hair than him in his class that have their hair out every day.

Almandine Fri 21-Sep-12 23:09:13

You haven't done anything wrong. The school environment just isn't geared to suit your DS.

An IEP is an Individual Education Plan.

If the school is seeking outside help for your DS (as in ed psych) he should be on school action plus (if you are in the UK)

DioneTheDiabolist Fri 21-Sep-12 23:09:24

EP is an educational psychologist. They tend to assess children and advise the adults on the basis of their assessment. A child counsellor will work with your child (in school time if the school has one), to understand what is going on for your child and help them deal with things in a better way.

meditrina Fri 21-Sep-12 23:10:15

What else was said when you saw the HT yesterday?

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