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New starters; crying every day at drop off

(22 Posts)
OwlLady Fri 21-Sep-12 09:11:52

<sigh>

it's so hard and I know it's normal but I feel so sad for him. He's my third and has been allocated a school out of catchment so knows nobody and he is now apparently ill every day. Today was the loudest screaming yet and he followed me into the corridor shouting for me to go back sad

Am I doing something wrong?

I park away from the school so we have a ten minute walk in
I distract him
I don't kiss or cuddle him, apart from to say goodbye
I make him still stick to their routine although he is crying
I leave promptly and don't hang about
Despite working, I am on time for pick up wink

Is there anything else I can do? A bloke at work said I will have to bribe him shock confused

TimothyTumblespring Fri 21-Sep-12 09:15:18

Hi Owl, sorry to hear your DS is struggling to settle into his new school. How long has it been since he started? What is he like when you pick him up? Does he talk much about what he has done while he is there?
We had the same problem for the first two weeks, but my DS seems to be settling in gradually and is much happier about going than he was before.

TheOneWithTheHair Fri 21-Sep-12 09:17:28

I really feel for you. I know how heart breaking it is. This happened to me with dc3 aswell.

I think he needs time tbh and lots of reassurance. Talk about school in only positive terms and how much fun he will have. I really think it is a case of consistency and seeing it through.

PropositionJoe Fri 21-Sep-12 09:17:46

Aw. Just give it time, you're doing all the right things.

OwlLady Fri 21-Sep-12 09:22:32

This is his first full week, so i do think it is tiredness and the teacher is very reassuring that he only cries for the first few minutes and then settles down.

When i pick him up he is all smiles and talks positively about his day, but I think he is finding it difficult that he hasn't got a friend. He said some of the boys keep hitting him which i am sure is just normal playground banter, but he is being sensitive because he feels a bit insecure. He has come from a very small village pre school setting and this school is a 2 class intake in a town, so it's bound to be a bit of a shock isnt it? My 11 yr old has said to him to ask for a buddy (!!)

TheOneWithTheHair Fri 21-Sep-12 09:28:37

How wise your 11yr old is! That's a great idea. Someone who will be happy to see him every morning.

Tiredness can play a big part and if he is happy when you pick him up that's great. If he was really inconsolable the teacher would probably have a word about strategies to use.

It doesn't make it any easier though does it? Sending you a <<hug>>

TimothyTumblespring Fri 21-Sep-12 09:29:38

I think if he is happy and chatty when you pick him up then it is just the tiredness and the stress of the change in routine and environment. I think we as parents, quite unintentionally, make the first day at school into a Big Thing for them. Then as the week progresses and they realise they have to go everyday they find it increasingly difficult.
My DS was fine on his first day and then got progressively worse and worse through his first week.
He also told me he had no friends and no one wanted to play with him, which broke my heart. Now, he is just at the end of his third week and although the tiredness is still there every evening (and the associated temper tantrums!) he is definitely more settled than he was a week ago.
Enjoy your weekend with him and hopefully he will have a better week next week.

TwiggysGoneOnHolidayByMistake Fri 21-Sep-12 10:55:40

Can I ask why you don't kiss or cuddle him? I'd have thought that would help, not hinder, a child who is worried about leaving his mum.

Sokmonsta Fri 21-Sep-12 10:58:09

The buddy system is a good idea, presuming the school uses it. Our village school paired an older child up with a reception child when they did their jump up day. So when dd started reception she knew she could go to them if she had a problem, or a question, or just wanted a hug.

Kingcyrolophosarus Fri 21-Sep-12 11:09:51

I had this the first week
Now at the end of 3rd week and he skips in now

I did bribe him, told him if he tried not to be clingy for a week then he could choose something from the toy shop

It wasn't just that, we talked a lot about it
I said we'll have one last kiss and cuddle, but mummy's not allowed in
Talked about the new rules for school
It does also help that he seems to have made a few friends

dikkertjedap Fri 21-Sep-12 12:09:36

If he says that he hasn't got any friends, maybe talk to the teacher and ask if she can team him up with one of the other children.

Also, try to organise a playdate with one of his classmates. The moment he has one or more friends he will settle quickly in all likelihood.

OwlLady Fri 21-Sep-12 14:03:18

It is nice to hear that others who have had shakey starts have settled in okay. Despite moving about with the older two children, so lots of new school starts, I have never had to deal with this before! I will ask the school if they have a buddy system and I will also ask if he is indeed playing on his own, but tbh i suspect not, I suspect he just misses his old friends from play school.

I do kiss and cuddle him, but only at the door. I think, I know, if I started kissing and cuddling prior to that they would have to prize him off me unfortunately and I think that would make his emotions higher than they are already.

Thank you for all being so understanding.

PropositionJoe Fri 21-Sep-12 15:04:05

Yes of course cuddling him woukd make it worse, you are quite right op

OwlLady Mon 24-Sep-12 10:29:11

he was fine today but insisted that we take the dog along in the car, which I did because I thought what the hell, so she sat next to him int he back of the car grin and he was fine, no tears or anything

TheOneWithTheHair Mon 24-Sep-12 13:44:57

Good news OwlLady. Long may it continue! smile

Kingcyrolophosarus Mon 24-Sep-12 15:59:28

That's great owllady

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere Mon 24-Sep-12 18:31:22

smile

HerRoyalNotness Mon 24-Sep-12 18:45:13

Good news, can I borrow your dog? pleeeeeease.

I might talk to my DS1 teacher and ask about a buddy, for at before school club at least. He is a teary and clingy and not at all happy to go. This is his 4th week, we didn't talk about school all weekend, then I told him this morning it is okay to be happy at school and have fun. It did not work. It sets him up badly for the whole day, and I'm not sure what to try next.

CMP69 Tue 25-Sep-12 17:24:48

My DS seems OK at school, although he seems to go along with the I don't remember theme, but he hates breakfast club, wwyd, do I look for a CM who could do drop offs only???

OwlLady Tue 25-Sep-12 17:28:35

oh HerRoyalNotness, I'm sorry sad it's just so sad isnt it? I think once they realise this is what they have to do and we will always pick them up they seem a bit better. Mine was okay again today and we didn't take the dog wink I would ask about a buddy

OwlLady Tue 25-Sep-12 17:29:25

cmp69, yes I think you could look for a childminder if he is that unhappy but how long has he been going for?

beanandspud Tue 25-Sep-12 18:26:05

Would he respond to a sticker chart?

I did a 'Special Agent Oso' chart for DS with going into school divided into '3 special steps'. Step 2 was a kiss and a cuddle; step 3 was going into the classroom/sitting down nicely or whatever he is expected to do. He got a sticker for each day and a treat (small car) at the end of the week for five stickers.

I think dividing it into three steps worked for us as it gave him something different to concentrate on.

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