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Child "accused" by another child

(18 Posts)
theweekendisnear Tue 18-Sep-12 18:00:33

Well, the word "accused" is a bit strong... the crime is "smirking".

This is the (long and boring) story... of course this is from my DD's point of view, because I didn't witness any of this, so I don't know the truth.

My 9yo DD came home today a bit sad. When I asked what was wrong, she started crying and said that another girl in her class (who used to be her best friend a year ago), told the teacher that my DD had been smirking at her during the lesson. The teacher did not jump to conclusions, and handled the situation vey well (imo). The teacher asked my DD if there were any problems with friends etc, and my DD said no. Then the teacher asked her if she had smirked at the other girl, and my daughter denied. The teacher didn't know tell off my DD, just asked for her side of the story, but my DD felt like she was being told off (she was not). My DD is a very well behaved child (at school, not at home). She never had any problems with children or teachers, and she is the perfect pupil (believe me!). This doesn't mean that she cannot be mean to other kids, but I have never witnessed this (except towards my DS).

In addition to the above, the other girl told my DD that her mum had phoned the school to complain about my daughter's "smirking behaviour". I don't know if the mum really phoned the school.

There is of course some history here. Last year, this girl (previously my DD's best friend) was not very happy about my DD playing with other children. She wanted exclusivity! And if my DD didn't play with her only, the girl would complain with a teacher that my DD didn't want to play with her (DD didn't want to play only with her, but didn't mind including her in her games with other children).

So, I don't know what to do. It could be one of these two stories:

1) my DD has been mean to the poor girl and needs to be told off

2) the other girl is a "passive aggressive" and needs to leave my DD alone.

I know this stuff is not that important, but the two girls need to spend 6 hours in each other's company 5 days a week! I wouldn't like to go to work knowing that I have to share the same room/table with someone that is mean to me.

As a mum, what would you do?

Pancakeflipper Tue 18-Sep-12 18:08:52

I would make a mental note of all incidents Be thankful the teacher is sensible and probably noted the other child has an attention seeking streak.

At the next parents evening talk to the teacher I would talk about my concerns ( unless something else happened and I wanted to meet the teacher earlier).

I would show my child I support them and encourage them to continue hanging around with their friends and encourage these happier friendships. Not ignore this other child but politely get on with them in class.

VivaLeBeaver Tue 18-Sep-12 18:08:57

I'd let them sort it out.

It will get worse, a lot worse.

My dd is 11yo and so far this week has fallen out with a friend because another friend encouraged her to agree that friend B was a bully. DD then tried to start a fight with A, B intervened, B got smacked. B's mother dragged dd back home to me. A is now slagging dd off on FB tonight even though last night she was saying that she still wanted to be friends and dd agreed.

Someone is always saying xyz or saying that dd has done/said xyz. Which dd normally denies.

I reckon if my dd is been a cow she'll soon learn that other kids won't like her. Obviously I do remind her of the importance of been nice to people, etc.

And I tell her if other people are been mean then they're best avoided.

If the other mother rang school about smirking she needs to get a life. I doubt she did.

My dd impersonated me on FB once and bollocked one of her classmates as if it was me!!!!

theweekendisnear Tue 18-Sep-12 18:18:46

Thank you so much for sharing your point of view and giving me "calming" advice. And thank you for reading my long and boring story.

VivaLeBeaver you made me laugh! I think your daughter has personality!

VivaLeBeaver Tue 18-Sep-12 18:22:18

Yes, that's what everyone says about dd. grin hmm

theweekendisnear Wed 19-Sep-12 22:29:37

Update: the mum did phone the school about this, and the othr girl has been moved so that she's not facing my DD anymore. I hope this will stop any more smirking.

RandomMess Wed 19-Sep-12 22:31:38

Well either smirking, or accusations of smirking wink

holyfishnets Wed 19-Sep-12 23:52:11

Sounds like the other girl is manipulating and playing mind games. Can you talk nto teacher?

BristolJim Thu 20-Sep-12 09:40:17

Sorry, am I reading this right? A parent phoned the school to complain that another child was smirking? That can't be right, surely...

exoticfruits Thu 20-Sep-12 10:01:48

The DD is making it up-an adult might phone to complain about many things but not 'smirking' which is very much an interpretation anyway. The teacher seems sensible-they are used to girls and friendship problems. I would follow pancakeflipper's advice.
Can you seriously imagine phoning your DCs school and saying 'A DC smirked at my DC'?!

BristolJim Thu 20-Sep-12 10:03:59

Exotic - that's what I assumed too, but the OP's update seems to confirm the parent did phone the school. Either a nutso parent, or more to it than meets the eye...

exoticfruits Thu 20-Sep-12 10:19:35

If true I can see some eye rolling on their side! If you want to be taken seriously with a real problem it isn't a good idea to have wasted time on trivialities and personal vendettas.

theweekendisnear Thu 20-Sep-12 13:39:50

This is all the info that I got (it's my DD's version, so maybe it' not the entire truth, but I don't think she's lying too much!):
The teacher has tol ny DD that the other mum has phoned the school, and has suggested that her daughter gets moved seat - I don't know if the mum has mentioned "smirking", but the teacher has asked my DD id she smirks at this girl during the lesson.

The other got moved yesterday, and before going inside the school, in the morning, she told my DD "I don't think you' ll be smirking at me again!"

Again, this all my DD' s version of the facts, but some of it must be true. Anyway, the teacher has handled this very well, but I feel sorry for her, caught in between all this.

I'll keep you up to date if any more smirking takes place.

kerrygrey Thu 20-Sep-12 14:02:49

Sounds as if this little madam is winding her mother around her little finger. And her mother is daft enough to let her..

Sophrosyne1 Thu 20-Sep-12 14:31:49

I used to teach this age group and, tbh, this kind of thing happens a lot! If a child complained about someone smirking at them I would be inclined to tell them to stop looking (if you were looking at the board & concentrating on the lesson, you wouldn't notice someone else 'smirking'!) I think it sounds as if there's more to this situation than meets the eye but, by all accounts, the class teacher is dealing with it properly & it will sort itself out eventually.

Pancakeflipper Thu 20-Sep-12 14:38:58

The mother phoned the school? Well I had money on the other child inventing that part to 'scare' your daughter.

Does your daughter do a good smirk? I need to practice a good smirk.

VivaLeBeaver Thu 20-Sep-12 16:45:22

If I was your dd I'd now be smirking at this kid at every opportunity after been told "don't think you'll do much smirking today". Hopefully your dd has more control than I do! grin

theweekendisnear Fri 28-Sep-12 20:48:26

Just an update...

Today the other girl (let's call her Desdemona) tried mentioning the smirking to the other job-share classroom teacher, who got really cross and told Desdemona to quit it, as she has never noticed my DD smirking to anybody during her lessons. My DD feels vindicated!

During break, my DD went up to Desdemona and told her something like this: "I think Miss Teacher has been too harsh to you"...

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