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school is failing my son and boys

(82 Posts)
Loopylewanderin2 Sun 25-Mar-12 13:24:03

Hi I am new to this, but after doing a search thought mumsnet may be helpful - I have a bit of an ongoing issue with my sons primary school (he is yr 4)..
I moved him to this school last Feb following 4 years of bullying at his old school, this led to low self esteem, aggressiveness and my son was under cahms and thenwhen school was changed he was discharged as the problems went away.
Behaviour changed again in autumn last year to something very similar but also he began making comments about hating hislife, wanting to die and went so far as to attempt to burn his hair off (he is strawberry blonde but gets called for it) schhol initially would not listen and placed him on school action plan and his IEP said he had to refrain from shouting out answers in the class, lying about his peers. I (single mam) and my mother (ex social worker) met with the head and she finally began to listen and investigate, it was found he was not nbeing bullied as such but that inhis year group there was a group of boys (of which he was part) who all wanted o be the leader of the gang so to speak and therefore play and such was very rough (they were alowed to play dodge ball in the yard etc) she would keep an eye on it!
Things seemed to settle down and he became established within the group of boys, made a best friend and behaviour at home setled down again and he actually wanted to go to school. I recevived numerous positive reports about him, he even won pupil of the week, is top table maths and science and second top for literacy/comprehension. In his parents review his teacher kept referring to him as a 3 point child and all was very positive.
Then I witnessed an incident in the yard one mornoing where these boys (inc son) were getting very rough with one another, one child had my sons arms behind his back another child had hold of another child by the ears and this child was on the floor - one parent shouted at their child to stop i just went over and removed my son from the situation and took him to the teaching assistant who was on morning yard duty. I explained what had hapened and was confronted with "have you told your mother what you did yesterday" znd from that thigs escalated. my son became very upset and annoyed and was taken into school. When i called later i was advised by the acting head (who is also my sons class teacher mon - wed) that my son had been removed from the class because of his actions that morning in the yard - I asked what she meant and she informed me he had (in front of me) dragged another child across the yard and had injured the childs back! I advised her i witnessed the events and that had in no way occurred also other parents had witnessed it and wouold support me - she said I was his mother therefore would defend him. THings escalated again and i did lose my temper and threatended to remove him there and then from school she threatened me with the EWO and social services! so i contacted the EWO and schhol nurse myself, they set up a meeting with the acting head, me, son and themselves for the following week - the meeting was very positive but the acting hea took no notes at all, the ewo and nurse didand the conclusion was that the school was not cping with this group of boys very well and instead of looking at the bigger picture were singling out my son as he was owning up to any of the fighting etc that was happening, however whn he would then deny having involvement in other incidents they said he was ying and as it had been him before it was hi now! The EWO remedy was to involve an outside behaviour person who would work with the group of boys! I since found out that the acting head wil only allow her to work with my son as he is the instigator apparently!
On friday i received a call from her at 3.25 asking me to come straight to school and collect my son as she was not allowing him to atend the after school cricket club - i asked why and she said beacause she was unable to supervise it and she felt after an incident at lunch time my son was a danger to the children at the club. I got very defensive and demanded reason as to why and she said he had kneed another child in the privates at kunch time, and then in afternoon break another child had ran at my son and to stop him my son had raised his knee again and had caught the child in the thiogh but it was obviously meant for the privates, and great injury had happened. She said she woild be discussin exclusion with the head on monday.
My immediate reaction was to collect hima nd shout at her!
When i had collected him i asked what had happened and he said theother child had kicked him in the shin (showed me huge bruise) so he kneed him back, he said the later incident was not intentioanl but the boy was running at him so he raised his leg to brace himself for the impact!
I fell like the school ( inparticular the acting head) is using my son as a scape goat - I am at a loss as to what to do - the princiapal head is a very scary lady and is retiring hence she is only working mon - wed. I amvery concerned about what to do with my son tomorrow - send himin or keep him at home!
Also where do i stand with this - as my son has an IEP still (he was taken off but then placed onit gain wheni contacted the EWO) surely they cannot exclude him as although he has not got a statement isn't an IEP an indication he has special needs? or are IEP's a way to get an outstanding ofsted report ( school recently got this awarded after only being a god school before but teaching side was still only satisfactory) the ofsted report also points outh they are not catering for boys's needs. I am really at a loss!!!
Sorry for the waffle but am new to this and will gte used to the abbreviations I should be using!!!
thanks to anyone who can help in advance!!

socharlotte Mon 04-Feb-13 09:40:27

Yes not exclusively boys, but as this thread is about boys that is why I said 'boys' instead of children.

ipadquietly Sun 03-Feb-13 18:56:23

Sorry socharlotte - so you don't think girls should be offered these cool activities with cool male teachers, then?

socharlotte Sun 03-Feb-13 18:31:18

channel their boisterousness

socharlotte Sun 03-Feb-13 18:30:44

Maybe I am very old fashioned but I think schools should have some vigorous physical sports activity for boys to challenge their boisterousness into.A cool male teacher to run martial arts, rugby,trampolining classes etc.

Op I think you need to go through situations with your DS which are likely to end up in trouble, and give him ways to cope with these situations before they escalate.
You and the school need to be looking forward at preventative measures trying to find out 'who did what to whom first' would defeat of Scotland Yard's finest.

ipadquietly Sun 03-Feb-13 16:55:31

mrz: 'It's a huge part of my role to work with outside agencies'
So is it mine, if there were outside agencies willing to work with me. I have a child on full statement, who gets not-a-second of outside agency support. sad But that's another story....

OP, just one thing. I think you should be a bit careful about going into school all guns blazing.
Some of the situations you've quoted happened in the school day, when you weren't around, so you have no evidence of the course of events (apart from your ds's story). I'm not saying your ds has been lying - it's just that sometimes children have a very warped different impression to an adult of what has gone on!

Tomsolomon Sun 03-Feb-13 12:53:51

As a single parent with a son in a similar situation I can empathise with the OP. Things have gone much further in our case though. We moved to a new school last year to get away from his mum and he settled in very well to start with, although things changed after a while. I noticed four other boys surrounding him in the playground before school punching and kicking him. Of course I immediately removed him from the situation and reported it to his teacher. I was told that what happens before school was none of their concern and I should deal with it. but surely if this sort of behaviour was going on before school, it was going on during school.
This began to happen on a daily basis and all the while DS's behaviour and school work began to suffer with him being singled out as a trouble maker, I found out later from the head that they knew about the problem and the children had been spoken too, what she didn't know is that my son had been outnumbered four to one. He never fought before he attended this school, he came home one night and he knew how to punch. I never taught him that.
Anyway as things stand, my son has had to attend a short stay rehabilitation school for his behaviour. This school has some of the most badly behaved children in the county, Guess what, they leave him alone, he doesn't get picked on and he is currently top of the class. He still attends his normal school on occasional afternoons which he cannot stand to be at. They have colour charts for behaviour and he always ends up in red, which is followed on to the short stay school the following day and he always manages to get back into green by break time.
Now the head, the liaison officer between the schools and a few others seem to think the problem lies either at home, or DS is having separation problems or the trip to school is stressing him out. If this was the case then his behaviour would be the same at the short stay school surely. I have been lumbered with a parenting class where I am teaching the group more than the lecturers.
I feel like the school has let him down at a time where he needs as much support as he can get, they are talking about exclusion if his behaviour doesn't improve. I feel like they are not taking his feelings into consideration. This is most apparent when it took one of his teachers an hour and a half to talk him out from under a table. It's almost as if they want to give up on him. The same teacher expected me to punish my son after he had already been punished for this.

I know this is an old thread, but I could really do with some advice on this. before things get too out of hand.

5madthings Wed 28-Mar-12 08:52:07

and education can be seen as a privelidge, i see it a right that all children deserve, regardless of their circumstances.

and i agreew with soup dragon school is about learning and so is life, i dont leave it all up to the school, we work together and i back up what they help my children learn and with regards to compassion etc my ds2 was slightly miffed the other day that with work my dp went to see a premier league football match, he took one of the children he cares for (they get tickets occasionally, given complimentary by the local premiership club as its an opportunity they children wouldnt get otherwise) my ds2 saw it as them getting an amazing treat which he would love, he is right it is an amazing treat, but we then pointed out to him that yes this child got to see a premiership football match, but he doesnt have a family to live with, he doesnt have a normal parent/child relationship etc and he quickly realised that tho he may not get expensive treats like the football match, he is very lucky to have the life he does have and he wouldnt swop it.

SoupDragon Wed 28-Mar-12 07:06:17

"But logically, if teachers spent all their time teaching then children would be better taught."

It is far more important that children spend their time learning. Which is not the same as a teacher spending all their time teaching them.

mrz Wed 28-Mar-12 06:48:13

I think an important lesson to teach is tolerance and compassion for others perhaps you were off that day learnandsay. For the record all my Y2 class will leave me able to read and write

learnandsay Tue 27-Mar-12 22:52:58

Generalisations, yes. But I'd find it hard to believe that if all of the available children in a class were well behaved and eager to learn that the school would have problems teaching them. I understand that some schools in the Third World teach children without school buildings, because the children really want to be there. They believe that education is a privilege.

Feenie Tue 27-Mar-12 22:41:27

And again, you have no idea whether the reasons for all those failing schools are entirely down to meetings with outside agencies regarding children who need them, learnandsay. You seem to be given to sweeping generalisations.

5madthings Tue 27-Mar-12 22:41:14

oh and you know all about the catchement areas of these schools and all the children that attend...

learnandsay Tue 27-Mar-12 22:39:02

I surmise that the exam results of failing inner-city schools don't bear out that interpretations of the facts, Feenie.

Feenie Tue 27-Mar-12 22:34:53

But logically, if teachers spent all their time teaching

All my time? So....planning and preparation time, post 3.30p.m., lunchtimes, playtimes, assembly times...... We can't spend every minute of our working week actually teaching a class, learnandsay. And a phone call to a social worker or a meeting with an ed psych doesn't 'distract' me - far from it. And none of that is at anyone's 'expense' - not even your PFB's.

learnandsay Tue 27-Mar-12 22:27:43

Well, Feenie, maybe it is and maybe it isn't. But logically, if teachers spent all their time teaching then children would be better taught. Anything that distracts teachers from teaching fails to benefit the main class. It might hugely benefit an individual child. (And that's what this row is about.) But I disagree with the principle of benefiting an individual child at the expense of the group.

Feenie Tue 27-Mar-12 22:24:46

Thankfully, 5madthings, I agree with mrz in that I think views like learnandsay's are rare smile

Feenie Tue 27-Mar-12 22:22:45

They certainly are not - and not in my school, either. But it is a huge - and fairly offensive - leap to assume that those children are not progressing because of their time spent dealing with outside agencies to help what you term so insultingly as broken children.

5madthings Tue 27-Mar-12 22:21:54

'a truly broken child' [agnry] they arent broken, they have some extra needs, would you call a SN child 'broken' you DID notice that when i used that term after you i put it in brackets to highlight the fact that it is not ok. they are just children, perfectly normal children who happen to have unfortunately suffered from bad parenting or abuse or neglect, they are not 'broken' they are a child that needs love and care and support and part of that is helping them to attend school and get an education and it can be done in mainstream schools with support in place. what support is needed will vary from child to child and with each individual school, they do NOT need isolating further.

feenie thankgoodness for people like you who do try and make it work for these children, because they need it so so much x

learnandsay Tue 27-Mar-12 22:19:44

OK, Feenie. Maybe none of your children are the ones where parents are asking why can't my Y2 son read? Maybe none of your children have parents asking why have my children not progressed in their current year? But there are parents in this forum asking those questions.

Feenie Tue 27-Mar-12 22:14:59

Indeed - not near her PFB angry

Learnandsay, you are astoundingly ignorant. Unfortunately, I find I have to liaise with outside agencies all the time for some very unhappy children in my class. I somehow still manage to concentrate on my teaching and educate them to an extremely high standard, thanks.

learnandsay Tue 27-Mar-12 22:14:17

5mad, maybe you're right. But I think that I've thought about it a little more than that. If a teacher has a truly broken child to deal with then there is a certain amount of time with which she can't be teaching.

5madthings Tue 27-Mar-12 22:11:51

feenie i dont think she cares as long as its not in a conventional school with her children, its a case of not in my back yard...

learnandsay Tue 27-Mar-12 22:11:43

Feenie and mrz, I admire your dedication and maybe I can be persuaded that you're right. But common sense suggests to me that if teachers concentrated on teaching and didn't spend time on social inclusion administration then children would be better educated.

5madthings Tue 27-Mar-12 22:10:47

oh yes just put them all in some 'special schools' learnandsay isolate them further from a normal life? what a stupid idea, they NEED normalcy,they need to go to a regular school (some of them, some DO need a different more tailored education) there is as there should be collaboration between schools, ss and other agencies to help these children to have as normal a life as possible if we want to have any hope of breaking the cycle of abuse and neglect then these children need more than anything to attend school and get a good education and a good start to life and part of that means going to a normal school and making friends and doing all the things that other children do.

the kids my dp works with even go on 'playdates' to the houses of their friends from school and arrange to meet them out of school etc, jsut because they are living in the care system does not mean that they should be segregated even more!

Feenie Tue 27-Mar-12 22:10:08

So again - when you rip these poor kids (finding 'broken' children very offensive, btw) out of what may be their only place of security in their lives at that time, where do you want to chuck them, learnandsay?

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