WWYD? DD overheard the class teacher insulting her to another member of staff.

[2kidsintow]

Calling her a waste of space.

DD is a well behaved, clever child who has had great reports from every other teacher in her primary school, except this year 6 teacher. In the first parents' eve I was told she wasn't pulling her weight and there were tears as my DD couldn't see how she could work any harder. At the last parents' eve I asked if she was due to achieve the targets she was predicted (level 5s) and was told she would and that she was working harder than before.

On questioning I found out that the main prob seems to be maths and that they do not set for maths in year 6 despite setting in previous year groups. In the last few weeks (after a request from my DD upon my prompting) she has requesting that she be allowed to try to have a go at the extension work in maths. She is now doing that and tells me she is finding it not to be a problem and that she is getting the work right. She does extra maths work at home out of choice and gets that all right too so I know she is capable.

Yesterday she came home in tears telling me she heard the teacher tell a student teacher in her class that there was the extension work for child x, child y and my DD, "although to be fair, DDis a waste of space. Only ask her if the others have had a try first."

I don't know what to do.
Realistically I know that all the teacher need do is deny it and there is nothing I can do.
Also, my DD said that she didn't feel comfortable about me going in to discuss something she overheard in case she gets into trouble for eavesdropping.

[Mollydoggerson]

If it were me, I would issue a formal written complain, possibly by e-mail directly to the principal and cc-ing the teacher in question. Yes all they need to do is deny it, but it will frighten them.

If it is true how increadibly unprofessional and nasty.
It is possible your daughter misheard, but I think it deserves investigation.

[AprilSkies]

I don't know much about about yr 6 kids but are you sure everything she is telling you is true? If so, arrange a meeting with this teacher to discuss it. Sounds completely out of order. If you are not happy with the teachers response or there continues to be trouble, I would write a letter to the head. Plus of course tell your dd, that she is not a waste of space, as I'm sure you have done :)

[MyCatIsABiggerBastardThanYours]

Personally I would be discussing the attitude of the teacher either with the teacher him/herself or with the head teacher.

I think I would approach it on a 'DD thought she'd heard this said, I wonder if you could clarify what was actually said' way, so that the school and teacher are aware. Hopefully that will be enough to pull the teacher up.

I would also be asking if there was a problem DD doing the maths because as far as you can see she is capable and getting things right.

[ReallyTired]

The thing with eavesdropping is that you only get to hear half the conversation.
Hearing about a conseversation via an eleven year old its going to be a bit garbled.

What are you hoping to achieve by discussing it with the teacher? I think your DD is right that its one of those situations that you would achieve nothing by going in and talking to the teacher.

[clam]

Wow! What an unpleasant thing.
I agree with MyCat. And as molly said, yes they'll almost certainly deny it, but at the very least you can be sure that they'll be squirming.
Then just be very glad the year's over half done. Keep buoying up your dd at home, and remind her that there are always going to be vile people in the world and she must learn to believe in her own abilities - which sound good.

[2kidsintow]

From the floods of tears she dissolved into after telling me, I believe her. And if I sit down with her to discuss it, she will become upset all over again. She is a bit afraid of being told off by teachers and always tries to please. She would be mortified if I went in to complain.

I think I am going to see how things go for a little while, and go in in a couple of weeks if my DDs confidence hasn't improved....or sooner if anything else occurs, straight away.

[AprilSkies]

Sounds like a good idea although I can't help thinking I would want to let that teacher know that you know...

[reddaisy]

I would complain. How dare a teacher speak about a child like that. You don't have to tell your DD that you are complaining. I would speak to the head and let the board of governors know as well. Obviously I would only do that if I 100 per cent believed my child and there is obviously some room for error when you overhear things.

[clam]

What about writing a note (unbeknownst to your dd)? Then you can pick your words carefully, keeping it light but to the point.
Or phone?
And remember, at this point you're not technically complaining, but asking for clarification of what was said.

[ajandjjmum]

What about having a quiet word with the teacher and telling her what DD thought she heard, followed by 'of course, I realise that you wouldn't be so unprofessional as to make that sort of comment, but perhaps you could reassure DD so that her confidence isn't knocked any further'.

Cow.

[AprilSkies]

Agree wholeheartedly with ajan.

[DeWe]

My suspicion is that the conversation overheard was actually praising your dd. Teachers usually go to ask the weaker ones, not asking the child who they know will know the right answer.

I'd have thought it was more likely that they would say ask X and Y first because your dd will know the answer. Particularly with the comment "if they others have tried first." The impression from that, to me, is that the others wouldn't necessarily get it right but your dd would.

Much more likely that she overheard wrongly or misinterpretted it.

[MerryMarigold]

When I read your OP, I took it that DD's extension work was 'a waste of space' (ie. that she could already easily do it) rather than HER being the waste of space. I agree with DeWe.

[sparkle12mar08]

Could she have said that the work for your DD was a 'waste of a space', in that she thinks your dd is bright enough to have done it all anyway, and is trying to encourage the others more? It's a subtle difference, and the teacher is still shockingly unprofessional by not stretching her anyway, but it makes a difference.

[jamdonut]

sparkle- that was what I thought when I first read it.

[Heswall]

I wouldn't leave it, if you try to complain at a later date you'll be asked why you didn't raise it at the time. I would go directly to the teacher, tell her you know what was said and if she ever repeats the attitude displayed towards your child you will take it up with the head.

[Ghoulwithadragontattoo]

This worries me that it might be crossed wires. I think I would raise this with teacher and ask for an explanation in the first instance.

[madamehooch]

See I would read the OP's post as meaning that if child x and child y couldn't do the extension work then there was no point asking the OP's child because she wouldn't be able to do it!

From reading your OP, I think the problem lies in that you asked your DD to approach the teacher 'upon your prompting' to ask for extension work, when I would possibly have made an appointment to see the teacher myself to discuss whether extension work would be appropriate. It may be that the teacher's back was put up, although it is extremely unprofessional to be rude about a child when there is any likelihood of that child or any other being within earshot. Why not make an appointment to discuss the maths in general and then raise it with the teacher then?

[manicinsomniac]

I would ignore it if I were you. There's too much scope for there to have been a mishearing/misunderstanding and you don't want to be the one who ends up looking silly.

There's only a few months of the school year to go. Everyone elnds up with bad teachers/teachers they don't get on with for a least one year of their school lives. Hopefully your dd will get a better deal next year.

[dandelionss]

I would be telling your DD 'Eavesdroppers hear no good of themselves!'
as others have said your dd may have /misheard or misunderstood and even if shje hasn't they only have to say she did.
i think what she probably said was that if x and y couldn't do it then nopoint asking your DD it would be a 'waste of time'

[Emmielu]

You're poor DD. Hearing that from someone who's meant to be helping her & who she trusts to teach her. I agree with previous posts, write a letter saying that your DD had overheard this but you DO NOT want DD pulled out of class or quizzed on this at all, you just want the teacher to be aware that this was heard & let this be a warning that if it so happens again further action will be taken & that the teacher should be ashamed of themselves.
This way DD doesnt get involved & may or hopefully wont know you sent the letter. Its bad enough shes trying her hardest after being told before her hardest wasnt enough & now this. The girl wants to work, wants to learn & wants to pass exams etc, so why knock her down at all. Me personally, if i thought a child was unable to do something at all i wouldnt knock them down id make it my mission to get them up to the stage they can be with confidence. xx