Son 4, biting children and equipment - help please

[Anomaly]

My son started school in September (he was 4 will be 5 in May) it appeared thing were going reasonable well with a few issues. Now I have only been made aware of a couple of incidents. At parents evening which was a few weeks ago his teacher brought along a foam covered mirror he had chewed. Then this week he has bitten a piece out of a foam block for which he was sent to see the head teacher. I have also been and have now been told he's been biting other children! Then on the last day of term he bit another foam covered mirror.

We've now got a letter asking for money to cover the cost of the damaged items.

While we can afford to do so I am really cross that the school seems to be doing nothing to support him in stopping this behaviour. The letter makes no indication as to anything they intend to do and seems to think that our chatting with him will stop it. The headteacher actually said to me that normally they tell children once and that's it they never do it again. Punishments the school have given him have included being sent to the head which I have already told his classroom teacher will have no impact on him and excluding him from playtime and fun activities.

Obviously we have talked to him and punished him when we knew about incidents. But the lack of communication from the school about what has been happening makes it hard. I'm also cross that the school seems to be more worried about damaged equipment rather than his biting of other children.

We're going to write a letter and arrange a meeting with both the head and his classroom teacher. At the moment I don't want to replace the damaged equipment because I can't see where it will end. I want to support my son in stopping this behaviour but equally I want the school to play their part too. I would really appreciate any advice.

[IndigoBell]

I agree with you. All sounds really weird.

You can't supervise him while he's at school. Everything in reception should be suitable for 4 year olds.

This behaviour is happening at school. School need to deal with it.

[Harleyband]

Does he bite stuff at home? Some kids really have an oral fixation and need to chew/bite especially under stress. Consider getting him a (hard rubber) teething ring he can pull out and chew on if he feels the need.

[camhsdestroyedme]

my ds, age 7, chews all his clothes at school and i had always presumed it was stress or nerves at school as it is far worse at school ie huge holes in shoulder/necks/knees/cuffs of all clothes and chewed toys etc but presumably not school things as school dont mention it.

Not sure about the biting other kids though - in our case it was just biting their clothes not their skin and only on 2 occasions I think. The biting of his own clothes is daily, a new sweatshirt can be ragged in a week! I rarely mention it and just focus on his health and finding him friends so he will hopefully be happy and less stressed and it will stop. We have had so much worse to worry about that I just see it as a habit like biting nails. Obviously biting other children is different and totally unacceptable.

[Anomaly]

Thanks all. camhsdestroyedme he does have a habit of chewing on things usually toys or his nails. He did start chewing on his clothes about two months after starting school but he seems to have stopped now.

I have no idea how many times he's bitten other children. I was officially told of one incident and he told me of another. But in the meeting with the headteacher it was suggested that he was biting one child repeatedly but the child named was not one I'd been told about. In fact the school has only told me about the number of times he's damaged equipment but not about the biting of children. I will ask them in my letter to let me know the number of incidents of biting of other children there has been.

I've got a doctor's appointment on Monday for other reasons but am going to talk to them about it. He's had his teeth checked recently so I don't think there is anything wrong with them. If he's at school who else can I turn to for advice/support the health visitor? school nurse?

[sidress]

Definitely worth doctors advice if you are seeing them anyway. A classmate of DD2 who was thought to be badly brought up at home and doing all sorts of damage to property and hitting children randomly was eventually found to have Aspergers Syndrome which helped intervention methods to control his behaviour. Not suggesting yours has something like this, but there sounds something neither you or the school can control. I wish you well sorting this out.

[kilmuir]

They seem more concerned about a mirror than the welfare of the children, (yours and children he has bitten)