DD fixating on one friend

[Rollergirl1]

She has always had a tendancy to do this, even at Nursery. She is in Year 1 and has had a very close friend since Reception. They are very similar in terms of everything, size, academic ability, personality, the things they like to play. The friend's Mum and I are good friends and like the fact that they are close but we both worry that they are isolating themselves to the detriment of making other friends. It became very apparent to me at the school christmas disco where I helped out. For the entire time DD was stuck to her friends side. Other kids tried to interact with her but she wasn't interested. I actually found it a little bit embarrassing.

Now I get the impression that things aren't going too well with the friend. They have always had a tendancy to argue as they are both hyper-sensitive and prone to melodramatics. But they are now falling out almost daily and DD is becoming quite moody and sometimes says that friend makes her feel bad about herself. I am sure that this isn't a deliberate thing on the friends part. But I get the feeling that she might be withdrawing a bit.

How can I get DD to play with other girls more? She has had a few playdates with other girls, although we are limited in that respect as I work 3 days a week and she has activities on the 2 days that I don't work. The times that we have had other people over to play she has got on with them really well and she has enthused that she really likes them and wants to play with them more. But she just ends up going back to this one friend. I think it is a security/safety net thing.

I think it is lovely that she has such a good friend in this other girl but I just worry about what she will do if something happens, if the other girl finds another friend for example. Is it normal for them to be so fixated on just one person?

[skewiff]

Yep, My DS was like this in nursery, but has been split up from his BF in reception. DS stills mourns loss of BF - but he's slowly making friends now with a variety of people. I would really like him to have a BF now, as sometimes I feel he's a bit lost at school> They are only little and schools can feel big scary places ...

[learnandsay]

Where your question relates to isolated children do try reading many of the isolated children threads in this forum. It's one of the most popular topics posted.

In regards to what can you do to make your daughter more sociable, you could try teaching her games which require multiple players. If she gets to like them she'll realise that, at least for the duration of each game, she needs more than one friend. And then after that you can just hope I guess.

[lingle]

I like the multiple games idea though to keep, say, three other children interested your child needs to have three times the social skills as required to keep one interested.

If you find a solution, please do let me know as we have the same problem.

[SootySweepandSue]

I'm quite surprised by your post as I have always felt (based on my own friendships though) that most young children have a best friend. I'm not sure if this is no longer what's going on in schools.

Some people are naturally more a 'one on one' type of person, a bit like being introvert or extrovert.

With the activities she does is there anyone she would like to see more off? Might be good to have a close friend from an activity aswell as in school. If the friendship isn't going well with the other girl I think they will naturally drift apart.

[DorisIsWaiting]

Watching this thread with interest dd1 is yr2 and in the same kind of situation although she is definitely the more needy. Her friend is quiet happy to wander off and play other games and then dd feels rejected.

We are really struggling to encourage her to play with other girls, particularly as this friends is a very strong character, who 'storytells' and dd is naive and believes everything.

[lingle]

Sooty - the children all say they have a best friend but I think if you watch them as teachers do, the ones with better skills will be interacting with quite a wide circle.....

[DownyEmerald]

Lingle - that's interesting. So if a child doesn't have a "best friend" that can be a good thing?

[lingle]

I think it can be, yes.

It's tricky, because we could confuse a child who is already on the other side of the "gosh I can't do this unless my best friend is with me" mountain with a child who hasn't even begun to climb the mountain because they have problems with their communication skills.

but yes I think teachers are looking for the children to ultimately combine friendship skills with the ability to "do your own thing even if your friend isn't"