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How to be in the school gate politics clique...(74 Posts)
I've heard a lot of new mothers worrying about being rejected, isolated for years, having your child isolated from other children, not invited out, bitched about behind their back, all because the mother would be too lazy to get up 20 minutes earlier to fix herself and her children properly...
It's a fickle world out there, no it shouldn't matter - all that matters is that you're child grows up happy and healthy. But you as a mother have a direct impact on your child's social life.
1) Dress nicely when dropping them off; first key to showing people you are put together and have control in your family life it also makes you feel good and creates a good image. Nice jeans, boots, a long sleeved fitted shirt, cardigan and jacket. Have your hair washed, and done neatly, keep make up natural. Always wear a smile!
2) Make your kids look presentable; believe me i've seen it all, kids with their uniforms not on right, no jackets in winter! no homework, dirty school clothes, dirty faces - it's not on, make sure your child's uniform is washed when needed, not when it suits you. Keep boys hair cut regularly(at risk of bullying aswell as looking neat) and style girls hair, cute clips or head bands for running around the playground. Always give your child tissues! to put in their sleeve or pockets incase they have a runny nose in class. Always give your child a healthy lunch - no you don't need to make the bread yourself just no crisps, no soda.
3) Have a regular social life with your kids - it makes such a huge impact on children, they have something to talk about in class, it keeps them fit and busy and makes children much more sociable. Never turn down an invite! It doesn't matter if it's a mother, or kids party - it's so important for your child to go, because other children could be making friends, have a gang forming, mothers can become close and if you're not there, you won't be there in future.
4)Always do extra activities, enrol your child in at least 2 clubs.
5) Work with the school parents association, this is probably the most important factor as a mother to child at school. You have to show these other mothers you care about your child's education and that you bring something to the table. Speak up ideas, or its not even that hard, openly agree with the strongest mothers and acknowledge the fact they are right, add on to what they are saying. Etc if a mother says at the halloween disco they should have apples instead of cakes add on and say 'yes, this is a better idea, its encouraging healthy eating and its cheaper' You get the idea - it makes the lead mother like you and others think you thin the same as her, it just works for you.
6) Early on in the school year, tell your child to invite around 2-5 friends for a sleepover or to play. Yes it seems like a nightmare but it creates a strong bond for your child's friends, and you get to know their mothers. This is a good idea i heard from a friend of mine - it gives your child that social group of friends, they can always remember and chat about that time they came to yours.
7) If you don't know anyone at the school gate and you're worried about it have a game plan. The night before, lay out your child's uniform, and your clothes, aswell as prepack lunches, and school bags to save time in the morning. Make sure you are presentable, and the kids, so tuck in shirts, brush hair, give breakfast, brush teeth etc adjust their bag, wipe their face and hands - make sure they have a p.e kit aswell. When you walk upto the school gate, your main focus is of course your child but stand relatively close to the group of mothers in deep conversation, suss out who is the leader, who are the followers and who you're most likely to click with. All you need is small talk with one of them and if you make the right impression it takes 10 seconds, you're either in or you're out. Smile, pretend to ask a question 'Do you know if it's 9 oclock they go in?' or accidentally bump one and tell them sorry and strike up conversation. Or even wait until they do, believe me they know everything about everyone. They've sussed you out as you pull up in your ford focus, this is why personality comes second. Smile, don't shout or grab your kids, be 'super mom' even if you're not.
8) If your child doesn't have any friends from nursery then simple tell your child 'to go ask that girl/boy over there if you can be friends with them' they're 4/5 they won't remember how it started, so lets be blunt, children rarely say no. Or even suss out the lead mothers children and tell your child to go and play/talk to them in class or sit near them.
Note this isn't serious. Of course your child is to be looked after properly it doesn't matter what you look like.
You could just pay people to be your friend?
Cakes or money.
Have you just cut'n'pasted this from the Daily Mail?
Or - you could just decide that you don't give a shit and that real life is more important?
What absolute twaddle.
Oh God! I don't have a long sleeved fitted shirt! No wonder my children are friendless and I am shunned! <wails and gnashes teeth>
Welcome to Mumsnet, MrsGeorgeX. I don't know how we've managed without you for all these years.
MrsGeorge, I'm curious . Are you by any chance in the school gate politics clique? Have you identified you and your group of friends as being that clique? And are you quite good at sussing out those who want to join? What do you do if they want to talk to you, but you don't like their jeans, they are wearing flats not boots, and have turned up looking a bit flustered at the school gates asking if they can borrow a tissue for their DC? Ah-ha - blank them! Got it. That's why it's so important to make a good impression.
BIWI you beat me to it - interesting first post from MrsGeorgeX, eh?
I knew rocking up to the school gate in my gimp suit was a bad idea.
Are you fucking joking?
Lord knows how I've got through a collective 36 years of schooling with three of mine then.
And I am very glad I learnt to use paragraphs so other people could read my posts clearly without nodding off or going squiffy eyed.
1. Prepare everything the night before so it is easier to climb out of bed, throw cereal down your neck and burn your mouth downing a hot cup of tea.
2. pile all dressed children + bags, books, lunchboxes, swimming kit, pe kit, outside adventures kit into the car.
Let the children do each others hair in the back of the car.
3. Chuck DD1 out at the school gate, remember to smile incase one of the "Gate mums" are watching. They will be watching and feeling sorry for DD1 because her mother never waves her off, tut tut.
4. Drop DD3 into nursery. TIP have baby wipes in the car so you don't need to pinch snot off her nose and rub it into her carseat.
5. Drop DD2 outside gate with a kiss and a wave, don't forget to open the window so you can hear the Tuts as well as see them this time.
Go to work and hope the childminder has an easy afternoon school run.
Now can you resolve the crisis in the Middle East?
A ha! A HA HA HA!!! HhhhhhaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! <points and laughs>
<arf> at pinching the snot off her nose and rubbing it in to her car seat!!
I'm not the only one who's done that then.