Bad language and anti-social behaviour in general

[learnandsay]

A teacher in one of these threads said she teaches children who tell her to fuck off all day long.


If, and when, my daughter comes home using that word I'm going to want to know where she got it from. And if I can manage to find out, some way or other, that children are regularly using that kind of language in her classroom I'm going to want it stopped. I think children who speak like that should be separated from the class. Likewise with children who attack teachers or other children. And I'd visit and write to any number of boards, individuals and committees until those children were removed.

What would other people do?

[ragged]

Did you really really really never swear in your life and especially not as a child?
Not excusing swearing or physical assault, but I am promising that your DD will "come home" with a that word, one day. Probably having heard it from a family member.

[TheAvocadoOfWisdom]

At my state school in inner london in the eighties, the rudest thing I learned was the V sign. As soon as I got to my leafy home counties boarding school at the age of eight, I picked up an entirely new vocabulary of vulgarities. I can remember talking to my friends in the playground using as many swearwords as I possibly could in the course of the conversation.

Of course, we had the sense not to do this in earshot of the teachers or our parents. I think the issue isn't whether a child knows bad language but whether that child lacks sufficient respect for teachers and parents that they would use bad language when addressing them.

If my child came home from school swearing I'd tell them if they ever used that word in front of me again I'd punish them. But following it up with school as the OP suggested? Might as well get a post-it note with "pfb: prone to overreaction" and stick it to your forehead

[crazygracieuk]

I'd be surprised if there was a primary school playground where nobody swore. You are unreasonable to expect the school to be able to stop children swearing. The best that you can expect is for children not to swear within earshot of teachers and if someone swears at your child then they are punished for that. Punishment is usually missed playtime rather than separation from the class. Some children come from families where swearing is the norm and others watch TV programmes and play games aimed at 18 year olds so pick up bad language naturally.

Personally I have found that racist,homophobic and sexual language that my kids have picked up at school to be far more worrying. I have sat them down and explained the meaning of the word(s) so that they know not to say it. I've had some hard questions like why so many insults are related to vaginas and why people are homophobic and racist but I need my children to understand how unacceptable it is.

[howcruelcanpeoplebe]

OP you sound just like the parents in my DSs school, totally uncaring and lacking in any compassion. What would you recommend expelling any child who has ever hit anyone or sworn regardless of how much they have already suffered as this behaviour is not their fault, they may well have a special need or been subject to violence themselves. Whatabout someone with tourettes? Despite never swearing myself and disliking hearing it I would rather hear swearing than such dreadful views.

At what age would you have children expelled for swearing or attacking another child? Age 4 or 5? As I have recently posted elsewhere my DS was attacking other children as he had always been dreadful pain with a long misdiagnosed illness and was being teased. Of course he should not have hit but he was very young and in acute pain that he did not know was the norm. Not his fault that the paediatrician was not fit to be working and luckily is no longer practicing. Since being correctly treated he has no pain and does not hit. Would you have had him expelled and where would you want such children sent?

[exoticfruits]

As a teacher I wouldn't take a DC swearing at me.
Children who do have problems and very often a difficult family background. I think they want understanding and help to integrate-not just removed.
Removed to where?
If you have 5 yr old who is sworn at all the time at home, and sees it as the norm, are you really just wanting them removed from the DCs who already have the luck of home with good parenting skills?

[learnandsay]

They can go and stand outside or inside the head's office. Children might have all manner of obscene behaviours at home. But that doesn't mean that they're welcome to exhibit them in school. If a child is out of order then either the school sorts them out or, if I find out about it, I'll sort the school out. Simple.

[cory]

OP how would you react if other parents were to write to the governors to request that your child be removed from the school because their child had learnt a swearword from her that she had picked up from another child/in the street/in the park? Would you be supportive of their need to keep their children from contamination?

Your attitude seems to be that if your dd uses a swearword then it is the fault of the child she learnt if from and that child needs to be removed. But the other child cannot be excused by the fact that she learnt it from somebody else (as she must have done): that excuse only works for your dd; she is the innocent victim and all the other children her age are the potential corrupters.

You may find that other parents struggle with this differentiation.

[CupOfBrownJoy]

I've never heard my class swear, although tbf they're only year 2.

They think "stupid" is a swear word, and I'm happy to have them carry on believing that...

I can't imagine trying to teach in an environment where the kids are swearing directly at you. In fact, I'd leave.

[exoticfruits]

I have actually never been sworn at by a DC-they know that they are not allowed to at school. The funniest is 'Mrs Exotic, James swore'-
me 'what did he say? -
DC 'I'm not allowed to use the word'!

Children will swear-especially if their parents do.

There are ways of dealing with it that doesn't involve expelling them!

[ninah]

A colleague was called an effing bitch recently
nursery
it's hardly a 3 year old's fault is it?

[crazygracieuk]

How can you sort the school out ? You can m

[crazygracieuk]

How can you sort the school out ? You can mOve your child but you would quickly run out of schools.

[lisaro]

learnandsay while I understand your feelings, you'll be better off learning to plait jelly.

[EdithWeston]

"I'll sort the school out. Simple"

How?

[motherinferior]

Sweetie, I suspect that should you throw a hissy-fit of this kind the school would be only too pleased for you to take your custom elsewhere.

[motherinferior]

A child in DD1's class attacked another child. He has not been removed from the school. He's in care, and frankly if he were to be excluded at this stage there's a horrible likelihood he'd just fall through the cracks of the education system completely. (Fortunately he now has very, very nice foster carers who're clearly working to address the stuff that led him to attack the other boy in the first place.)

[tethersend]

Haha, it was me who said that I teach children who tell me to fuck off all day long

Do I win £5?

Anyone want to ask me about the children I work with, or would you like to start another knee-jerk thread knowing only half the story?

[crazygracieuk]

I was wondering about the possibility of Tourette's or the class pet being a parrot who had picked up the phrase.

[exoticfruits]

I think that we would be a horrible society if we excluded children who were already getting a raw deal at home.
If a 5 yr old arrives at school thinking they can swear at staff, or children, it isn't their fault.

[howcruelcanpeoplebe]

op - where would you like my 5 years old ill child to have been sent????

Do hope you never have a child with a SN or illness if you have no compassion. Best not have any more children because there is always a risk. It can happen to anyone whatever you may think. My DS has a great upbringing and 3 impecably behaved siblings. Luckily for us he is now well and no longer violent himself either.

[Wellthen]

What will you do when your child is old enough to go out on their own and hears people shouting 'hey up ya cunt!' in the street? Its seen as an affectionate greeting in some areas.

You cant hide bad language from your child, they will hear it and in some ways the sooner the better because then you can discuss it and make it clear that it is not acceptable. To be honest, if you dont swear at home they will know, almost instinctively that its a bad word.

I dont think swearing at school is acceptable but your attitude seems to be that it will damage your child in some way or that they will atomatically use it because they heard it. People swear. Its not illegal.

[Littlefish]

[learnandsay]

Littlefish, where were you when a child called you a fat fucking bitch?
I can't believe I'm reading this stuff, I really can't! And then people wonder why we've got a problem in society! I suspect I can see a reason!!

[cloudpuff]

This thread has reminded me of a child (8-9 years old) a few years ago who went to my dds (4 at the time) school, during the six week hols I caught her and her little brother (3) trying to kick my back gate open so I sneaked round the front and asked them what they were playing at, I got called all sorts as they ran away, I later took dd for a walk and saw them loitering in bushes as we wallked past she squirted a bottle of water on dd while calling me "an old fucking granny" I was fuming at the time, dd was really upset. I did want to speak to the kids parents about it but knew I'd have just gotten another "fuck off"
I understand that children have shitty times at home or other issues and these kids are not from the best of families but what happened that day was totally unacceptable in my opinion and I was powerless to do anything about it.

[Elibean]

My guess is that most schools already do what my dds' school does - namely, respond to bad language incidents by having discussions with children about what is and isn't appropriate language, and why. Then set boundaries, and consequences, like with any other behaviour issues. The Head gets involved, has man to man chats, etc. They also tend to give incentives for respectful behaviour, etc. Seems to work beautifully.

They have some good, respectful behaviour management responses to parental hissy fits too, IME