5 Year old concentration

[candyfloss66]

Hi, my DD will be 6 this April & attends an independant school since nursery. She loves school but we have been called in on numerous occasions by her teacher who tells us that her listening & attention span are zero but she isn't disruptive in class. I am so worried as we saw her head teacher yesterday to be told that our DD is falling behind at school her reading is great but she doesn't listen to instruction. The children sit on a mat & are told what work to do when they are back at their desk but because she hasn't been listening quite often goes back & sits with a blank expression & says that she doesn't know what to do. They have regular non formal assesments & she didn't do well. The thing is she is an only child & get's all our attention yet when she is at school she expects the teacher to sit with her all the time & I have the same problem at home she doesn't like working independantly. We have also had problems where as she has been playing us & her teacher making out she doesn't know things when she does I have found this out through small incentives. We really dont know why she is behaving like this & sometimes it's hard to tell if she really doesn't understand what is expected of her or playing us. Her head teacher has recommended reward charts when she works well & another meeting after half term they are also going to get their learning support teacher to assess her to find out if she does have learning problems. I'm so worried & don't know if she is playing us all the time or really has problems she want's attention all the time. Has anybody else been through this thankyou

[IndigoBell]

Google ADD-PI (attention deficit disorder - predominantly inattentive) and see if you think it describes her.

[PastSellByDate]

Candyfloss66:

Three things.

1. 5-year-olds often don't listen. Your DD is 5 and a bit flighty, but then so are many 5 year olds. Don't go down the line of ADD/ ADHD line & medicating unless you've tried everything else.
   
   Strongly suggest you view this:
   Sir Ken Robinson talks about creativity in education - The whole video is worth watching, but at around 15:20 he tells the story of a choreographer and her 'learning problems' as a child.
   
   
2. only child syndrom. It's not just only children - today's children are constantly used to having everything laid on. In my day we had to raise our hands and two children would be selected to collect the school books and pass them out. The rest of the class had to sit patiently and wait. Today, they come in from recess and hey presto it's all beautifully laid out. Saves time (great) but also teaches the children everything should be instantaneous (not so great). End result is that my girls march through the door and present us with a list of things they want there and then or are asking for food/ whatever whilst I'm busy cooking/ cleaning/ on the telephone/ working/ etc....
   
   So you're not alone - every parent has to gradually shift the thinking from 'My parents serve my every need' which was once true to 'I'm a proper part of this family now and Mum/ Dad/ brother/ aunty/ etc... also need time, space, attention and sometimes help'. This is no easy thing - but gradually you've got to ensure that you are teaching your DD that although she's your everything, the world does not revolve around her.
   
   My favourite expression at the moment is to tell my 6 year old (who's extremely chatty): You have two of these (pointing to her ears) and only one of those (pointing to her mouth) - make sure you use these (gently tugging her ears) twice as much as that (touching her lips with the shhh finger).
   
   
3. Ask if the school can keep a good listening chart for your DD - whereby she gets a sticker for everytime she tries really hard to listen and a reward for so many good stickers a week. Start small - with maybe 1 attempt to listen well a day, and then build up. The school may not be able to reward her - but perhaps you can agree that if she does this you'll let her go on the x-field trip later this school year or you'll get her that great doll/ book/ trip to grandma's etc... later this year. Then just keep checking that behaviour is improving. After all listening is an important skill. The school can help by ensuring improvements are recognised and possibly arranging for a teacher's reward at assembly for extra good listening this term, etc...
   
   Support it at home by asking if she got a sticker every day and by really praising her when she does. Let her see you asking the teacher in front of her how her listening is going - that will show you care about this.
   
   Anyway best of luck!

[IndigoBell]

PSBD - I think you have some misconceptions about ADHD. Having ADHD does not mean you have to take medication.

Knowing whether or not your child does have ADHD allows you to research and try out all options. Not knowing reduces your options and makes life a lot harder for everyone.

Also, do you know anything about external vs intrinsic motivation? Reward charts are a really bad idea - for everyone - but especially if her concentration problems are not due to anything she can control, but are due to a chemical imbalance in her brain.

[mrz]

Keep this rule of thumb in mind: an individual's optimal attention span is roughly one minute per year of age plus or minus 5 mins. So at five years of age normal attention span is between 0 and 10 mins.
If you as a parent think your child has a problem they probably do

[PastSellByDate]

Indigo:

Candyfloss66 reports herself Her head teacher has recommended reward charts when she works well & another meeting after half term they are also going to get their learning support teacher to assess her to find out if she does have learning problems - so all I was suggesting was that the reward chart was specific to the issue the teachers had raised - better listening in class during instruction.

I hope Candyfloss66 that in fact what you have there is a quite normal 5 year old - who's curious about everything and finds it hard to do any one thing for too long. Certainly a short attention span at age 5 has been my first hand experience of my two DDs and their 10 cousins & school chums.

[IndigoBell]

PSBD - presumabley school has considerable experience of 5 year olds and their attention span. If school are concerned, the OP should be as well.

And school are so concerned that they're getting her assessed for learning difficulties. In the schools opinion this is not normal 5 year old behaviour.

Now it is certainly possible that school are wrong, or that because it's an independent school they like to manage out kids who aren't doing well. Only the OP would know if her school is like that.

But either way she'd be doing her DD a disservice to ignore schools concerns.

[PastSellByDate]

Indigo:

The Head Teacher was recommending a reward chart - I just suggested that it should be linked to listening.

I'm slightly confused why the Head Teacher is 'right' to be looking into a learning difficulty but clearly you think she's 'wrong' to be suggesting a reward system for good behaviour.

Indigo - I get that you're saying it is unfair to base reward system on something a child couldn't possibly achieve - but I don't think the head or teacher of the OP's DD would have gone down that road if they sincerely felt there was a serious learning problem in play.

The parent is saying that the DD does know things but is behaving in a way the school are unhappy with - that rather sounds like the issue is one of learning to conform and show attention to a 'grown up' at school when they're giving instruction - which IME is no easy thing at the ripe old age of 5.

[mrz]

I think there are two separate issues here which may or may not be linked.

The OPs daughter struggles to concentrate and she is falling behind at school.

I would also be concerned she requires/demands adult support/attention at home and in school. I think perhaps the OP needs to encourage more independence at home giving a simple instruction for her daughter to follow without an adult nearby.

I agree with Indigo as far as reward charts go they are often introduced but are rarely an effect solution.

[LIZS]

There are lots of reasons why small chidlren may have difficutly concentrating. It is a huge jump to assume she has SEN without any other concerns being apparent. Have you had her hearing, sight etc checked recently, reviewed her diet (perhaps worth trying fish oil) and routines such as bedtime and tv, start to encourage more independence with short tasks at home gradually increasing in length and complexity.

Can she follow and remember instructions without prompting at home (like getting dressed), does she play happily with other children, has she met developmental milestones ? If she does genuinely have concentration issues this can be linked to various Specific Learning Difficulties (APD,Dyslexia, Dyspraxia, ADD etc) so further tests, probably over a few years given her age, would be required to identify which may apply, if any, and the best strategies to use. It may be worth speaking to the SENCO/Learning support teacher in advance so that you know what to expect then review afterwards what you can do to help at home. If these are ruled out then reward systems and time alone may help.

[mrz]

I would always suggest ruling out physical problems first (so definitely second a hearing test - it's very common for children this age to have hearing difficulties that are linked to coughs & colds) and for some young children the act of sitting still requires so much concentration/effort they can't actively focus on anything else.

[breadandbutterfly]

Agreed - my dh at a slightly younger age than this was seen as 'naughty' because he didn't follow instructions - he was actually (temporarily) entirely deaf due to glue ear, so couldn't actually hear them...

[TheAvocadoOfWisdom]

Hearing test just like the others said. My ds1 has a hearing problem. He also has a listening problem as he's a 6 year old boy bit the hearing makes a real difference

[sallyfish1]

The key thing is that she loves school and is happy and is not disruptive in class, it could be that she and her teacher do not click. What is the rest of the class like? perhaps she is being distracted by other, more energetic, children. I am impressed that she can already read. I live in Holland and here children learn to read when they are 6 at the earliest. I think that she probably just needs time to play and take things less seriously, 5 is very young to be labeled as having concentration problems if she is otherwise okay, a bit of fantasy and telling a few white lies is normal at this age I think.