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Reception - Finding it tough.

(15 Posts)
smudge74 Wed 19-Oct-11 10:11:39

My DD is November born so old in the year. She too was at her pre school for 5 mornings and started the same school full time for reception from day 1 almost 7 weeks ago. She is with exactly the same children she has been with throughout playschool and pre school so I thought she'd be absolutely fine but she's not.

She drags her heels to school. We have tears every morning when she doesn't want me to leave her at school. She's utterly exhausted She will not tell me anything about her day at school. Its like trying to get blood out of a stone and it is so frustrating. She's stroppy, rude with her friends and other people too, its really embarrassing. The small bits she has mentioned about school are to do with feeling bullied and falling out with friends. THe school are keeping an eye on this.

We had a parents evening last night, the school have been very supportive but feel they want to take my lead on this as I know her so much better.

Although she is one of the oldest the school day just seems to long for her and her Dad is having to work super long hours now so has seen much less of them of late.

She seems to be s emotionally insecure and unsettled. Its just not like her and I don't know how to help her.

Does anyone have a similar situation?
Has anyone been there, come out the other side and have any tips?

Youremindmeofthebabe Wed 19-Oct-11 10:36:25

My DS has just started reception too, he is November born as well. Since starting he has been upset and tearful pretty regularly about things that have happened, usually with other children being a bit unkind to him. He is friendly and gregarious, but some of the other children knew each other before they got to school, and he feels a bit left out of his class. I think unfortunately these are teething problems, exacerbated by being absolutely exhausted all the time. Ds is first born,and only child, so has always had the attention of everyone around him, so I am hoping that this is just a learning curve of no longer being top- dog, if you see what I mean.

I guess really, that you know your DD best. Other than a small incident with ds and an older boy in the playground, I have tried to keep out of it, as I suspect that it will all settle down. But I do wonder. I suspect I will re-assess after xmas, and see how he is getting on then.

I didn't think DS would find it hard to adjust either, he was in nursery 3 days a week for long hours, 7.30-6, so I am quite surprised that he is finding it so hard. I hope that they are both just finding their feet, and will adjust well, after a settling in period?

trifling Wed 19-Oct-11 10:39:56

We had similar though preceded by more upheaval. I went to read etc in the classroom to get a sense of how it worked. My feeling was the noise and general uproar of free play was hard to handle for many of the kids. The classroom was openplan (2 classes of 30) so lots of milling about and general lack of direction and most of all, really noisy all the time. The other factor was the shift away from lots of adult attention - 2 staff per 30 kids is a big difference from nursery ratios and I felt some of the kids were really struggling with how to manage their own behaviour and get used to not always having an adult around. Are they in the 'big' playground? that can be hard, too. The most useful things for us were early bed, mental health days off, playing with classmates (and others) outside schooltime, roleplaying school with toys at home and talking lots to teacher. It got much better in y1.

cuppatea2 Wed 19-Oct-11 11:14:30

i think you should negotiate with school for her to attend half days only for the next half term til christmas break - she isnt yet at minimum age for full time education (this will be first day of january term). better to have her half time for a term and have a chance of settling in than risk having her miserable for next 18 months

An0therName Wed 19-Oct-11 11:35:02

is her behaviour poor at school - my DS was awful at home but fine at school - he was very tired at this point in the school term - half term helped alot
very early bedtime - very little indeed after school - just flopped in front of TV mostly
found we got more out of him about just before bed - also did some role play
the friends things - its tricky - I think there is a lot of adjusting who is friends with who and perhaps its all less organised by adults

DeWe Wed 19-Oct-11 12:07:27

Dd1 was a winter baby and she found the last 2 weeks befor the first half term really draining. She was coming home, having dinner and going to bed by 4pm. She'd still need to be woken in the morning.
The next half term, and from then on, she had no problems. I think their bodies do taek about half a term to adjust.

smudge74 Wed 19-Oct-11 14:02:14

Thanks everyone!
It's so easy to feel like we are the only ones struggling, clearly we are not alone. Hopefully half term will do her the power of good. Lots of chilling out. Next term I think I won't be afraid to take a day off here and there if I feel that's what is needed. The odd short week...see how that goes. I have been attempting early nights but the time slips away. Must try harder and on a more permanent basis!
It's fantastically reassuring from DeWe that you came out the other side quite quickly.
AnOther Name -when did all settle down for your son?
Trifling -did it take all year for things to settle for your family?

DuchessofMalfi Wed 19-Oct-11 14:11:28

Smudge, your DD's behavour sounds just like my DD was last year when she started Reception year. She went from being a happy, carefree little girl, to a frightened, tearful one who had constant tantrums, refused to eat, was tired all the time, bad tempered etc. Exhaustion is a big thing for children that age.

She wouldn't tell me anything about school, just replying (when I asked her) that it was a secret. There was low level bullying at the school - the older children were targetting the Reception year children and DD was being pushed over in the playground, having her morning snack taken off her etc.

We've just switched schools for DD, to one that is smaller and which separates the school out into two-year groups for play-time so she won't get targetted by children above KS1 age.

Tillyscoutsmum Wed 19-Oct-11 14:15:05

OP - I honestly read your OP and wondered if it was one I'd typed without remembering !! DD was also at pre school 5 mornings and moved to full time at reception from day 1 with all the same children. She too is exhausted, drags her heels, cries and clings to me at drop off and will not tell me anything about her day.

I have no advice. We too had a parent's evening earlier this week and the teacher just said that a lot of children find it very tiring for the first term but things pick up once they get used to it. Still waiting here though sad

Annelongditton Wed 19-Oct-11 14:26:44

I don't have any answers but had similar experience with DD so I know what you're going through and how heartbreaking it is to watch.
We moved DDs school for Y3 and it was like someone turned the light back on inside her. Literally from day 1 she skipped in and out. I don't know what was happening at the previous school, but it just didn't suit her. I still think about having a child psych chat with her just to try and understand what was wrong, just because even 18 months later I am still scared it could happen again.
I feel really sorry for you and your DD, I hope it all works out.

smudge74 Wed 19-Oct-11 14:40:03

Oh Tillyscoutsmum, isn't it AWFUL?
I can't concentrate on anything else throughout the day. I really hope we all manage to get through this in the not to distant future.

An0therName Wed 19-Oct-11 19:09:30

I think it got better in the 2nd half term
Do you know if the low level bullying is same age children or older ones? DS had a bit this in his first half term with an older girl - school had a buddy system - older children who keep an eye on the little ones - we knew one of them and mentioned the problem to her - and it got sorted

smudge74 Wed 19-Oct-11 20:57:27

AnOtherName, it's encouraging to hear you got thru it quite quickly. All this mention of people having to change schools is giving me the fear. I hope it doesn't come to that. The issues gave been with another girl in her class she has known thru nursery but never been big friends with...

sleepwouldbenice Wed 19-Oct-11 21:59:03

They really go get soooo tired its normal. I see it as if you yourself had changed jobs or you go on a course or just do something different - its just tiring. So as much sleep as possible all week and at weekends...

And dont worry about everything you hear. My DD1 used to say she had no friends, etc etc My DD2 says the same but DD1 is able to tell me thats not true! makes me feel better smile

trifling Thu 20-Oct-11 09:49:46

It took about a term - but we had a lot of other problems eg high teacher turnover. Nightmares about sticker charts, too! Our school has people like a learning mentor and a counsellor to talk to - see if yours does? And if you can spend any time in there, you might get more of an idea about what is so hard.

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