YR struggling with getting dressed after PE-humiliation the best solution?

[sponkle]

I need to know if I am being precious or whether my son's teacher is being unreasonable. DS is 4.3yrs and was sent home from school last week with all his clothes on inside out.

He had been like that for over 4 hours as the PE lesson was in the morning.

All his uniform was the right way round, ie v neck of his jumper at the front, trousers button at the front but pockets flapping, very obviously inside out.

We were not allowed back inside the school at home time to change, so had to walk home like that with everyone staring.

He was very upset and humiliated.

I have spoken to the teacher to say that perhaps it would have been kind to just mention to my son that he had got his clothes on inside out and offer him the opportunity to correct it, perhaps at lunchtime. I explained that I do not expect the teachers to help him dress but that it wouldn't hurt to say something to him.

He response was that they do not have time and that he was just taking far too long and that we should practice at home! He is fine dressing at home, I just ned to help with buttons on his shirt.

Any ideas?

[LittleMissWoodscommaElle]

As you have mentioned it to the teacher the next stage would be to complain to the head. I would certaily do this.

Reception children are still so very yoiung, some have only just turned 4, of course they need help. If the teacher hasn't got time then the school needs to lok at how it organises PE.

[RJRabbit]

The teacher is a bitch. If she's exhibiting this level of "caring" with dressing, what else is going on that's not visible when you pick your child up?

Not allowed back inside to change him? FFS. Disgusting.

Sorry, I just don't know what else to say.

[LittleMissWoodscommaElle]

I have to admit the not allowed back inside bit is amazing!!!!!

[sponkle]

Thanks LittleMiss, I really don't want to be one of those parents who has an issue with everything, but I was so upset for my DS who has gone to school this morning worried and anxious as it is PE again today.

I shall see what happens today and if he is upset again and dressed like that again when I collect him, I think I shall complain. After all, I'm sure his teacher would be very displeased if I took him to school with all his clothes on inside out and happened to flippantly comment that I'm teaching him a lesson as he needs to learn to dress himself.

[Rosa]

Horrified the child is 4 FGS - Just what is the teacher doing whilst all the children are changing - picking her nose? She should be helping the ones that need help encouraging the ones that get it all right and saying little sponkle lets turn your trousers the right way round and then you can try again. Complain.... If the changing takes longer as they are all small then allow more time. Surely with help and encouragement the children can only get better!

[slartybartfast]

aww, can you talk to the TA, who are more likely to be the ones helping?

[Lucy88]

Maybe I am the odd one out here - but I don't see what the big deal is.

Its not the teachers job to help your child undress or dress or even remind them to put thier clothes on the right way round. How can they do this with up to 30 kids. Its parents jobs to do that.

My DS used to come home from reception and also sometimes in Y1 with his trousers on the wrong way round and his jumper inside out. I didn't make a fuss, as I didn't want him to get upset about it. We practised at home, where I showed him the difference between the right and wrong way round and inside out. My DS is quite sensitive and if I made a fuss or let him know something wasn't quite right, he would get upset. It is difficult not to allow your feelings to rub off on your kids and I suspect that you were more bothered about him walking home from school with his clothes on inside out. My bet is that no one else even noticed. No one used to notice when my son did it.

[snailoon]

Why is he "upset and humiliated"? Were other kids teasing him? It is unclear if he came out at home time unaware that his clothes were on inside out and only got upset then.
If he came out already upset and humiliated and had been suffering because all day people had been laughing at him, then obviously the teacher is behaving outrageously.
If he came out not caring about the inside out clothes and you said something about it to upset him (and pointed out that people were staring at him on the way home) then you are being unreasonable.
My kids wouldn't have cared at age 4 if their clothes were inside out; they might have thought it was funny, but would only have been upset if someone teased them about it.

[cory]

Do you know why he was humiliated? Ds frequently came home with clothes inside out but never seemed to care. Noone stared or seemed bothered and I wasn't bothered either.

Were the other children laughing at him? Because in that case, I think that's where your complaints ought to be: about bullying rather than a simple dress question. The school should make sure that all bullying is clamped down on.

Or was it your reaction that upset him?

[Bramshott]

Oh blimey - DD2's YR class haven't yet graduated beyond plimsolls with school clothes for PE yet! Mind you, I'm not sure she would notice if her clothes were on inside out . . . !

[slartybartfast]

some schools dont even do pe this early in the term in reception.
i have helped in pe changing in reception and tbh i think they look so sweet with their jumpers on inside out.
plenty of chikldren have come out of school with their shoes on the wrong feet.

at least they are trying

[sponkle]

Thanks for all your comments.

Lucy88 I agree that it is not the teachers job to help my son dress, but to not say anything? The teacher did notice as she had a word with me that afternoon to tell me that he struggled getting dressed again, as you can see, kind of thing. The only thing that bothered me was to see my son withdrawn and crying, refusing to eat his tea and extremely upset even at bedtime about it. I am careful not to talk about my feelings etc in front of him as I would not want to upset him.

[Hopstheduck]

I also wonder why he was so upset and humiliated and I do think that it is getting blown out of proportion. One of my 6yos went to school with his trousers on backwards this morning, we only noticed as he got into the car and I simply told him to change them when he gets to school and he didn't give a hoot.

I'd suggest you do a little practice with him at home and also maybe work on some ego boosting for him. It does sound like he is a bit sensitive, one of my boys is like that, and he needs a lot of input to boost him up so that he can cope with any potential dents to his ego!

[needtogetalife]

This is the cute part of them being little. I used to love my kids coming out of school with obvious signs of having done P.E. Enjoy the younger years and don't turn everything into a battle.

[sponkle]

He was visibly upset when he came out. I did not upset him with my reaction as I was careful not to react infront of him and tried to play it all down as if I hadn't noticed. He is very sensitive and has autistic traits and needs everything to be just so. I have spoken to his teacher about this, and thought she understood.

[pozzled]

I disagree with Lucy88 I think that it is the teacher's job to help the children get ready, at the very least through encouragement and gently pointing out if they have the clothes on the wrong way round. It's one of the EYFS learning goals (or used to be, I have a feeling the EYFS is changing).

PE is always going to be quite a difficultt lesson to teach in Reception,because of getting changed, more so now that children are starting so soon after their fourth birthday. Some of the reception teachers I know don't expect to have a full PE session until after the October half term, because up till then they spend so much time getting the children changed and teaching them to leave their clothes in a neat pile and so on. It's frustrating, but it's part of being an EYFS teacher.

[Elibean]

One of my dd's would not have cared less, at that age. The other one would have been furious and embarrassed. I do think its possible, it just depends on the child - maybe the OP's ds is like my dd2, a bit of a perfectionist.

Though tbh, at this age it doesn't take much for them to be upset and furious after a day at school, IME

They have 28 kids in dd's class, and 27 in the other Reception class. The TA and teachers do help them with clothes, though encouraging independence - strange some have time and some don't, think its about priorities possibly.

[Elibean]

x-post with pozzled - yes, agree, I think its part of the transition from nursery to school to learn about clothes and independence.

[Bramshott]

this captures it well!

[catsareevil]

This is very normal for a child of this age. When they come out of my DDs school with clothes all inside out or buttoned wrong everyone smiles at how cute they look. Its a shame if he is feeling upset and humiliated.

Can you change the school clothes he has to make it easier eg polo shirt rather than button up shirt?

[mummytime]

If it has to be a button shirt, then teach him just to undo the first couple of buttons and pull it over his head like a polo shirt. Its much quicker this way (my 15 year old still does this, it irritates me but...).

[JaneBirkin]

They are not getting your son's needs, and I think you should make an appointment to speak to the teacher properly. Take notes with you about what you want to achieve.

Your son WAS distressed...this is not 'cute', it's a real shame.

Poor little mite.
Please don't be fobbed off, go and speak to her properly, say you thought she understood that your son gets upset by this sort of thing and if she can't offer him the support he needs then perhaps you had better take him out of school until he is 5 (which incidentally you're entitled to do).

(NB he sounds the same age as mine...who hasn't started YR yet, he is going in Jan, he isn't ready yet...school has no option about this and I could leave it till Easter if I wanted to)

Just some ammo for you

[JaneBirkin]

I'm not suggesting you should have to take him out of school, btw, or that you necessarily should. Just something to put the wind up the teacher and let her know you are serious.

He is entitled not to be upset or humiliated. I never understand the 'isn't it cute' thing when they get stuff wrong, anything the children themselves aren't laughing at, we shouldn't be either.

[mrsruffallo]

On the days he has PE I would make sure he was wearig a polo shirt and pull on trousers, no zips or buttons. Also, velcro fastening shoes. (Sorry if this has been suggested already, I haven't read the whole thread.)

At home, we play games such as race against the clock-trying to get dressed faster than the day before- or can you put your top and trousers on before the toast pops out of the toaster games, which help with speed.

I think this is an issue to sort out at home, I wouldn't dream of approaching a teacher. However, I do have a son who is a show off extrovert and loves running around the playground with his trousers inside out

[sponkle]

Thank you JaneB you are speaking sense to me. Yes, to make an appointment to speak to the teacher seems like a very good idea, less dramatic than going to the head, but still proactive.