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DD in YR won't try for fear of being ridiculed...

(13 Posts)
ChinaInYourHands Mon 17-Oct-11 23:03:53

DD is only just 4 so one of the youngest in her class of 30. Whilst very happy at school, I have noticed she appears less confident and bubbly than when she was at a private nursery in a more intimate setting. Teacher has confirmed she never raises her hand to answer even when she does know it. She has cried inconsolably at home a couple of times when we have laughed at her for getting something wrong. Obviously we were laughing at the cuteness of the mistake and not at her but she didn't realise that. I'm just worried she's going to withdraw further and perhaps not even try for fear of getting things wrong. I'm not sure how to deal with this. I do give her very basic stuff to do and praise her massively for her efforts but apart from that, how can I make sure she knows that it's okay to get things wrong? Is there a book for children that young? Thank you.

ChinaInYourHands Tue 18-Oct-11 11:31:39

Hi! I'm going to bump as I'm sure you just haven't seen me smile

aliceliddell Tue 18-Oct-11 11:36:26

Are you sure this is the right school for dd? Maybe have a look at some others; they vary enormously and ime with dd can make a huge difference, in dd from school refuser at 2 schools to completely integrated and happy at school 3.

ChinaInYourHands Tue 18-Oct-11 12:01:34

Thanks for your answer. I don't think the problem is the school, not that I think this is the right school for her anyway. But there's no getting away from the fact that she's always going to be in a class of 30. So I would like to deal with her if you know what I mean.

redskyatnight Tue 18-Oct-11 12:06:30

In Reception at DD's school the children were put in small groups with an adult (the same adult every time to build relationships). As well as academic things, they used the group time to share things that were going on in their lives, chat about the weekend etc. Think it was really helpful in building confidence and also (from the point of view of the listeners) understanding different points of view and "good" ways to treat each other. I do think it's hard to go into a large group situation if you are not a confident child. It would be worth talking to the school to see how they are addressing the "not speaking up" issue.

DD's school also use something called "talking tins" to build confidence and to help them feel happier about talking in small groups - I'm not sure how these work, possibly you could google?

sleepingbunny Tue 18-Oct-11 12:10:28

I have one a bit like this. I've deferred her a term (so she's still in school nursery) because I think maybe time will help. Sorry, I know that's not massively helpful. Other things that have helped, and that her teachers have worked on too, is seeing how practice has helped her to get better at things (ie it's ok not to get it right first time). We watched some video clips of her learning to talk/walk etc, and talked about how she was able to do things now that she couldn't do before. When the teachers have read alone with her and given her stickers this has also given her a confidence boost in particular areas. She'll also always be in a class of 30. I'm hoping she'll find her place. Good luck with your dd!

sleepingbunny Tue 18-Oct-11 12:11:22

oh, she also goes to a little drama class (nothing major!) that I'm hoping will give her a boost as the class size is a little smaller

tigerfood Tue 18-Oct-11 12:34:04

My DD was like yours - still is sometimes.
Scared to try for fear of getting it wrong.
I dealt with it by making mistakes myself (sometimes on purpose, sometimes for real) and pointing them out to her, or laughing at my mistakes. Then, I would try and again and get whatever it was I was trying to do 'right' - IYSWIM?
Or, I would tell her how difficult I found it to do something, and then came up with a 'solution' or showed how if I tried a little harder I could manage to do it.

Hope that makes sense?

anthonytrollopesrevenge Wed 19-Oct-11 08:32:27

My DD was like this in yr r. She felt she didn't read as well as some of the others and so stopped learning altogether for the rest of yr r. Confidence building is probably best plus talking to the teacher. DD's reading got underway at home in the summer holidays andshe really came on well with zero peer pressure. Now in yr 1 she is actually trying at school and while still quiet and shy at school she is joining in much more and will read her book to the parents who help with reading and the teacher, a huge improvement on last year.

ChinaInYourHands Wed 19-Oct-11 13:18:04

Thank you all for your answers. I feel she almost doesn't stand a chance being almost a year younger than her peers, but such is life I guess and all I can do is keep an eye on her and build her confidence at home. Drama classes around this area are SO busy,they take 30 children + so I feel I'd be wasting my money.
Still interested in a book that tackles the whole 'try even if not sure' issue.

LondonMumsie Wed 19-Oct-11 14:09:25

My son was like this. I had all the neighbours asking him "I hope you made loads of mistakes today?" and all sorts. It was tough at first.

NightLark Wed 19-Oct-11 14:29:20

DS is rather like this and, under the right circumstances, so am I.

I'm trying to remember what I have found out about it in the past - I'm vaguely remembering something called a 'brittle' learning style (though google isn't being my friend over this today). Anyway, the idea was that you don't cut yourself enough slack - it's perfect or it's nowhere. So as you don't think you're going to be perfect, you'd really rather not be a complete idiot. Never crosses your mind that you might be somewhere in the middle... So you don't try.

Advice I have come across and try to implement is to praise the effort, not the achievement. Even when the achievement is there, go on about how hard they try not how well they have done.

And I do the same as tigerfood - make obvious mistakes, tell tales of learning, say 'I don't know, let's find out' etc etc.

I don't know of any books about this though.

Sammiez Wed 19-Oct-11 18:56:25

Not sure if this could help

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