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DS very unhappy at new school after move back to UK

(7 Posts)
CiderwithBuda Mon 17-Oct-11 11:58:58

Hi. DS is 10 and in Year 6. Over the summer we moved from Hungary where DS had been in the one school since nursery back to UK and he is now in a much bigger school. So huge changes for him. New country, new house, new school.

We knew it would not be easy but didn't expect him to struggle so much. He hates it. Days are longer. Much more formal uniform. Bigger school. They move around for different classes much more than in his previous school. He has gone from confident, outgoing, friendly child to lonely and sad.

His main issue is that he is struggling to make friends. Last Thursday we had meltdown in the morning as the one boy in his class who talks to him was not going to be in. The school are aware that he is miserable (although they say he seems fine at school). His form teacher has said that the boys in his class are an 'odd' group. DS's main issue is that playtimes are boring as they don't play with him. In his previous school he was involved in a particularly football mad group and they played every day. Here it is more a rugby school although some children do play football at playtimes. He has played football and rugby at playtimes with boys from the other class. School have suggested that DS moves into the other class as feel he would be a better fit there due to the nature of the boys in that class.

DS decided he would give the class he is in till half term which starts Wednesday. I really feel he would ultimately be happier if he moved but he is worried about what everyone will say. School have said they will say it was their fault and that there was a mix up.

He doesn't want me to get involved although knows that we have spoken to the teacher and the deputy head and he was involved in a meeting with us and his form teacher where we spoke about moving to the other class.

I am not sure how much to push him to move to the other class. I understand his concerns - what people will say, getting used to a new form teacher and a new timetable and new teachers for some subjects. Obviously at 10 it is hard to see the bigger picture and all he sees is the potential struggle to fit into the new class.

We start half term on Wednesday and already I am dreading going back to school.

They start at 8.20 am and he refuses to get there any earlier in the morning so he won't have to go to the playground as nobody will play with him. This from a boy who used to go in as early as possible in his previous school.

He has been on Skype and playing playstation on line with a couple of his friends from Hungary and I know that that makes him miss them all more but I don't want to stop it as he doesn't have any other friends here yet.

Has anyone else been through this? Did it get better? Should I push him to move classes? Don't want him any angrier with us than he is!

Feeling very sad for him.

Sorry it's so long!

Bonsoir Mon 17-Oct-11 13:25:14

Poor you and your poor DS sad.

I would definitely go with the class move if the school is recommending it because it will be a better social fit with your DS.

CiderwithBuda Mon 17-Oct-11 13:50:55

Thanks Bonsoir. I think you are right. Just don't want to put pressure on him and worry that he wont be any happier.

(Glad to see you btw. Haven't seen you around for a while although must admit I have been trying to stay away!)

AMumInScotland Mon 17-Oct-11 13:59:53

Could the school provide some sort of excuse he could use? Its all very well for them to say they'll say they made a mistake, but if another child asks what the mistake was, he'll probably not have an answer, which might make him uncomfortable.

It certainly sounds like the move would be better, if even the class teacher thinks they're an odd bunch!

Ormirian Mon 17-Oct-11 14:04:05

What a shame buda sad

The move sounds sensible. Fingers crossed he settles in soon. It's a lot of changes to get used to all at once - FWIW it took DD almost until Christmas to get used to her new school - and that was just one change.

CiderwithBuda Mon 17-Oct-11 15:04:43

AMumInScotland - I will ask them. I think he is afraid of a wishy-washy reason that would make it seem like it was his fault iyswim.

Hi Orm. I must admit it him being so unhappy is making me worry whether we have done the right thing. He doesn't even want me to get tickets to go to the school bonfire night. Glad your DD settled eventually. Horrible when they are so unsettled isn't it?

SeoraeMaeul Mon 17-Oct-11 15:18:22

My DS is only 5 but it's a mirror image of your story following our move this summer. It's heart breaking isn't it.

For me 10 is a big year to grow your confidence before secondary school. I'd say go with the move - after-all really who is going to ask why? And if they do it's a one week wonder. But just in case prep him with a number of quick responses from light hearted (well they're just better at footie) to more serious (I wasn't happy and Mr. teacher though this would be a good idea) and also when would be appropriate to use which one. You shouldn't have to explain but better for him to over prepare than be surprised by it.

I know the ages are different for my DS but I'd try and organize a few one on one things - either after school or joining some local groups where maybe a few of them go scouts, football whatever. Could be out of school and away from the bigger groups of friends he could make friends with some of them. They may not be best friends but they could act as buffers in the playground

And above all remember "this too will pass" when they all move into new schools next year

Good luck - to you and him!

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