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Are they being a bit precious? re: year 2 children being left at the door

(74 Posts)
GreatBallsOfFluff Sun 16-Oct-11 03:49:33

I'm genuinely looking for answers as I am starting to wonder whether I'm just a cold-hearted b*tch for thinking these women are being far too precious.

DD(6) goes to breakfast club and after-school club every day of the week and has done since maybe 2 months after starting school in reception. Whilst I read all newsletters and talk to staff at the BC and ASC, I'll admit I don't have the best working knowledge of the school.

Maybe a week or two after the start of this term, a letter went out to all the parents in DD's class from her class teacher. It was generally just a couple of reminder points about how she does things in her class and the show and tell rota. It was slightly abrupt but we've had lots of changes recently with a new head (I think asserting her authority - 7 staff left at the end of July) and I just thought "meh".

One of the points of the letter was about parents not taking their child into the classroom at dropoff and leaving them at the door, whilst encouraging independence by getting the child to hang their own coat up, put their own bookbag in the right box etc. This didn't make an iota of difference to me as DD had been doing it since reception (obviously the staff at BS and ASC don't go around in the morning hanging up each individual child's coat for them grin.

Anyway, that was that and I thought no more about it, until it was mentioned in the school newsletter about year 1 and year 2 children being left at the door by their parents. Ok, no problem again as doesn't affect DD. But after going to a friend's house after school one day, I had the obligatory coffee and chat when I went to pick her up and the mother was fuming about this new rule. She said that the teacher had spoken to her about it one time (albeit it sounded in a nice way) and her attitude was "if my daughter wants a kiss and a cuddle inside before I go then she will have a kiss and a cuddle inside before I go". Ok everyone has different parenting ideas and I know I'm lucky in that DD takes everything in her stride and I've never had a problem with clingyness or whatever so I thought fair enough, knowing what her daughter is like I can understand her attitude (or vice versa hmm ).

So DD went to a party yesterday and it was the topic of conversation at drop off and quick chat before running off to chill out do housework. The other mums there also thought it was a ridiculous rule and was of the "how will little Johnny and Little Sally cope with putting their own stuff away".

Just to clarify, the door that they are to be left at is an outside which leads into their classroom (as I understand it, and has generally been the case with most classrooms at the school). The children then go through the classroom to hang up their coats in the cloakroom, come back to the classroom to put their book bag and lunch box away.

I must admit when having a coffee with the first mother that I was just thinking "PFB" but now having listened to the other mothers I'm wondering if I do expect more of DD then I should and that I am a cold-hearted b*tch for not hanging DD's coat up for her grin.

Or are they ALL just PFB (even though some are not First borns)

IDontDoIroning Sun 16-Oct-11 04:19:12

Yanbu. They are

GuillotinedMaryLacey Sun 16-Oct-11 04:30:14

YANBU but I'm not sure such a small issue required so much typing. It's no big deal.

varicoseveined Sun 16-Oct-11 04:35:56

I leave my pub at the door and she's in reception. Those mums are being precious and are probably helicopter mums.

I wonder if it's my DD's school, this rule is being enforced by a new headteacher as well grin

varicoseveined Sun 16-Oct-11 04:36:20

Pub?! I meant PFB blush

madwomanintheattic Sun 16-Oct-11 05:57:21

of all my three, no parents have been allowed into any of the schools after the first three days of yr r. not necessary at all.

i can't wait until they hit juniors.

PureBloodMuggle Sun 16-Oct-11 06:05:03

our school got strict on this afer day 1 (only think thye didn't one the first actual day beffore it was a late start amd registration

the school being stricit from the get go has been effective, parents only seen goiing in when they are a bit late and have missed the line

snailoon Sun 16-Oct-11 06:22:29

Why are you so concerned about this?
They think they are being wonderful mothers by giving that extra kiss. You think you are being a wonderful mother by giving that extra bit of independence.
You are probably all wonderful.

HoneyPablo Sun 16-Oct-11 07:11:16

By the time DD was in YR2 I was leaving her in the yard with the on-duty teacher at 8.45, as I had a bus to catch to work.

BleughCowWonders Sun 16-Oct-11 07:11:22

At our school - all dc line up in the playground: class teacher comes and leads them in when the bell has gone. Parents leave the line/ children at first bell, the playground at second bell if they're still around.

It's a big shock to new reception children's parents (how wil they cope??? how will my PFB take off his own coat, how will my PFB put her book bag in the right place) but all the children manage.

It's when a change is introduced that parents start getting arsey. But if the head is consistent, parents will get used to it.

academyblues Sun 16-Oct-11 07:45:33

I think the key sentence in your OP is "I know I'm lucky in that DD takes everything in her stride and I've never had a problem with clingyness or whatever".

If you'd experienced physically dragging a child along the road, peeling her off you every morning, leaving her screaming on a daily basis, you might have a different take on the school run grin.

Having said that, I don't think it's helpful for parents to be in the classroom past reception, but some children will cope with this better than others.

PavlovtheWitchesCat Sun 16-Oct-11 07:55:54

At DDs school, all yr1+ children have to be left at the inner school gate in the playground, past reception drop off area. The school make it clear that if there are children that need more support, parents are allowed in to the playground, but with the expectation that the parent will work towards leaving that child, and the expectation is this is the exception not the rule. And that if a parent needs to talk to the teacher, they can do so. There was a lot of people being disgruntled about this for a while, but IMO it works really well, they play for a few mins in the playground before lining up for school.

DD knows how to put her own things on her peg. and so she should aged 5. She knows how to line up and follow instructions. If she had some areas that needed support, there are teaching assistants alongside the teacher to aid those things. She does not have me to help undress/dress for PE, so why to start her day?

So no, yanbu.

Willabywallaby Sun 16-Oct-11 07:56:52

From day one DS was left at the door of the classroom, his reception teacher was strong on nurturing their own independence. We do the goodbye kiss outside the door.

They just don't like change...

PavlovtheWitchesCat Sun 16-Oct-11 07:59:44

willaby yes, us to, children were left at the door of reception to start, first term or two, then they lined up with the rest and some parents said goodbye as the line started moving into the class, and some parents walked to the door/said goodbye close to the door. We only went in to the classroom for the first couple of chaotic days.

Hungrydragon Sun 16-Oct-11 08:07:33

Reception we are expected to go in with them and read for 10 minutes if we can. From Year One they have to line up in the playground and wait for their teacher. IMO year 2 definitely should be saying goodbye outside the class room and sorting their own book bags and coats.

GreatBallsOfFluff Sun 16-Oct-11 08:10:16

GuillotinedMaryLacey - nope, this issue didn't require so much typing, but I couldn't sleep (not because of this I hasten to add) so thought why not.

Varicoseveined - which part of the country are you in just as a matter of interest grin

Snailoon - thank you, it's great to be called wonderful smile

And thank you everyone else for your comments. Yes, I seem to remember being left in the playground and having to line up when the teacher blew his/her whistle. I also think this issue will be easier to enforce from day one rather than halfway through schooling.

It's difficult though as DD's teacher is having a tough time from the parents as far as I am aware. She's new to the school, and everyone seems to think she is far too abrupt and strict. An issue which came up is making some of the children stand with their hands on their heads because they were too noisy and had been warned. I haven't met her yet blush but have spoken to her on the phone and will be seeing her on Thursday and I think she seems quite nice. I haven't met any of DD's friends' mums who like her though.

mousyfledermaus Sun 16-Oct-11 08:10:39

the first week of reception we were 'allowed' to take the children to the hallway in front of their classroom where the teacher would greet them. since then it's leaving them at the front door.
yanbu, it's not a big deal and probably much easier for the school (and the other children who then are not distupted by james' mother coming in, making sure he knows where his lunchbox is and that he has to remember to wear his hat on the playground before slobbering him with kisses in front of all other children 2min after the lesson was supposed to start)

LeoTheLateBloomer Sun 16-Oct-11 08:16:11

It's a proper pita having parents milling around inside when we're trying to start our day.

I know it's hard to believe but children really will survive without that extra kiss and cuddle. I promise.

DownbytheRiverside Sun 16-Oct-11 08:31:15

YR, it's acceptable.
Beyond that, it's a PITA. The majority of children adjust quickly and are happy, it seems to be the mummies that define their abilities and prowess in parenting by just how much they do for their child that struggle.
They seem to dislike their children becoming independent in any way, as if it makes them obsolete.

snailoon Sun 16-Oct-11 08:35:40

Parenting is one of the only jobs where the whole point is to make yourself obsolete.

WoodBetweenTheWorlds Sun 16-Oct-11 08:36:02

We have had this rule since reception. The children all cope. grin

Though there are still some parents who press their noses against the classroom window every morning to "check" that their DCs are ok. Despite having been asked not to... hmm

DownbytheRiverside Sun 16-Oct-11 08:40:02

Well said, Snailoon. smile

WhoWhoWhoWho Sun 16-Oct-11 08:42:54

My DS is a school refuser who thinks nothing of screaming/ crying/ refusing to go in/ making a fuss. I still wouldn't go into the cloakroom with him once he went in F2. TBH parents getting in the way in the doorway and cloakroom is a real bug bear of mine as it upsets my DS even more!

He's getting better though as he gets older thankfully and I don't think I would have been doing him or the school any favours continuing and dragging out our goodbyes while two classes worth of kids were getting their coats and bags off and hung up. DS has learning difficulties and he can manage it.

NormanTebbit Sun 16-Oct-11 08:45:05

Mine have all gone in and dealt with their stuff even ^in reception. The teacher supervises putting costs and bags away etc. Parents are not allowed ^in at all

I don't think fussing round them helps particularly if they don't want to go in, it's more about making the parents feel better than the children

clam Sun 16-Oct-11 09:02:53

Ho do these parents think their PFBs manage at the end of playtime with hanging up their coats to go in to class?

Tell the teacher from me to hang on in there!

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