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Ds sits next to kid who stinks of pee ; should I mention to the teacher?

(192 Posts)
DrNortherner Wed 12-Oct-11 18:36:01

Ds is in Year 5. In Maths and Science he sits next to this boy who clearly has toilet issues. Every day ds complains he smells of stale wee and it puts him off.

Parents eve is soon and dh says we should complain. I reckon the teacher will already know this kid stinks of wee so is it worth mentioning?

FWIW, most days I see this boy he comes out of school with a wet patch on his trousers sad

Dh is of the 'Hey, this boy stinks and it's not fair my ds has to sit next to him every day' stance where as I am a little more diplomatic...

Any advice on how to tackle?

seeker Wed 12-Oct-11 18:37:41

Give him a pomander and tell him to be a bit more understanding?

<in arse kicking mood tonight>

talkingnonsense Wed 12-Oct-11 18:38:34

Poor little mite. I imagine the school are aware and will try to help him, but you could subtly mention so they are aware the children have noticed and can act quickly to avoid him being teased.

DrNortherner Wed 12-Oct-11 18:41:47

Pomander? <is it the 1950's?>

seeker Wed 12-Oct-11 18:50:54

More like the 1850s!

DownbytheRiverside Wed 12-Oct-11 18:56:03

The teacher will know, and be trying to resolve the problems whilst retaining confidentiality. Mention it if you feel the need.
Tell your DH I used to teach a child in Y6 that had soiling issues, turned out that he was being raped by his father on a regular basis. So a little understanding that other children might have a bigger challenge on their plates that sitting next to someone smelly might be a good thing.

babycham42 Wed 12-Oct-11 18:58:58

That poor little boy.I would mention it and agree with talkingnonsense.

cece Wed 12-Oct-11 19:00:47

I am sure the teacher is well aware of ti already and work will be ongoing to help him.

Feenie Wed 12-Oct-11 19:01:48

Parents eve is soon and dh says we should complain.

Complain? What an odd choice of words. You sound like lovely people. hmm

DrNortherner Wed 12-Oct-11 19:01:57

DownbytheRiverside that is awful, poor boy. Yes, agreed, Lord knows what this kids issues are.....

DrNortherner Wed 12-Oct-11 19:03:24

Oh right feenie bad choice of words. Should have said 'mention' rather than 'complain'. You have no idea whether we are lovely people or not.

madwomanintheattic Wed 12-Oct-11 19:04:23

my ds is in g5 and often stinks of wee. grin

he's been seeing various paediatricians for the last 4 years. we have to periodically perform 3 days worth of enemas, and he has to take laxative solution twice daily.

school can do little other than offer to remind the child to toilet (a star chart ffs) but when you have a refuser/ child with encopresis/ enuresis, they often don't think they need to go.

i'd love to hear what dh thinks is going to happen, other than shuftying the poor lad off onto someone else's child. but perhaps that's as far as his thought process has gone. not in my back yard and all that. <sigh>

Feenie Wed 12-Oct-11 19:07:55

I only have this thread to go on - obviously should have said 'you sound like lovely people from this thread' hmm hmm.

teacherwith2kids Wed 12-Oct-11 19:07:58

Complain - absolutely not.

'Tell' the teacher on the assumption that she doesn't know about it - no to that one.

Mention descreetly and NOT in front of your son that your DS has noticed and commented on a child who appears to have toilet issues - yes, because that is useful information to a teacher. Up to a certain age, it is fair to assume that most children will be fairly oblivious to this kind of thing (my DS had toilet issues for years - GRRRRR to the first teacher who said to my excessively literal DS 'you may not go to the toilet except for break times') and staff may be proceeding on that basis. It is useful for the teacher to know that children are beginning to notice and comment on it as it may well change how it is handled, how it is talked about with the rest of the class etc, e.g. with 'circle time' type activities about dealing with difference and children who find things hard that we find easy etc etc.

ragged Wed 12-Oct-11 19:09:51

I have a terrible sense of smell, I'd be the teacher who didn't know. blush

JJ Wed 12-Oct-11 19:10:32

Poor thing. Tell your son to be nice to him - sometimes people smell and they can't help it, he will need to learn to suck it up (please tell me that's a phrase here..), ignore, don't be cruel to him, etc etc.

But that doesn't mean that you shouldn't have a word with the teacher so she can do something. And if your son might tease him about it, you need to ask to have him moved so the teacher could seat the boy next to someone kinder.

I don't mean that to say anything bad about your son! It's just quite an age for teasing about sometimes hurtful things and I don't know him.

teacherwith2kids Wed 12-Oct-11 19:11:25

madwoman, just sending sympathy. i hope that you haven't found my post offensive. DS's school, to be fair to them, once they picked up that they had caused a problem, were very good at the whole 'dealing with the class' thing, for which i was grateful.

constipation Wed 12-Oct-11 19:12:28

My son had undiagnosed faecal impaction for years and the symptoms can include limited or no bladder or bowel control. Yes my son smelt all the time. The delightful parents of the children in his class had complained and asked for him to not be in class due to the hygeince issues!!!

The Head teacher denied this to me at the time though I knew parents had complained. Have since read his medical notes and seen the Head teachers report stating that the other parents were complaining so have somewhat lost my trust.

I was desperately trying to get a diagnosis for his toileting problems and our totally incompetent paediatricians decided there was no medical cause so my son was allowed to suffer for years until I got a third opinion and a diagnosis. He has now regained control and does not smell though will have to remain on medication for years due to the length of misdiagnosis

I will never forgive the other parents - how absolutely awful to complain - should a child be excluded from an education for this and he was only in year one. Not surprising that all their children were calling him stinky.

slavetofilofax Wed 12-Oct-11 19:13:38

While I would be as understanding as I could be about a situation like this, it is not fair on your ds to have to cope with a revolting small in all his lessons.

There isn't anything you can do for this other child, but your child is your priority, and you should say something. If your ds is complaining every day and says that teh smell is putting him off, then you owe it to him to try and do something about it.

If it's putting your child off his work, then it's affecting his education, and that is just simply not on.

Your child has as much right as the other child.

Just look at all the other threads that have been on her about people complaining about office workers eating smelly food, having BO, or smelly breath. Strong, unpleasant smell put adults off their work, that's why there is a ban on smelly food in many offices, why managers have had to talk to employees about personal hygiene.

If an adult shouldn't have to put up with it, I don't see why a child should. I would have something to say about it too if I had to sit next to someone who smelled of wee all day.

Feenie Wed 12-Oct-11 19:14:58

Fgs, another lovely poster. What a horrible thread. angry

DownbytheRiverside Wed 12-Oct-11 19:17:03

All day?
Read the OP, it is in two subjects.
But of course, your child above and beyond and over any other individual.

madwomanintheattic Wed 12-Oct-11 19:17:18


let's hope you don't have one of your own then, filofax.

no worries, teacherwith2kids, we chug along through it. not easily offended, although i'll make an exception for the lovely slavetofilofax. grin

slavetofilofax Wed 12-Oct-11 19:17:39

Would you say nothing then if you had to work whilst smelling stale urine all day?

DownbytheRiverside Wed 12-Oct-11 19:17:56

'While I would be as understanding as I could be about a situation like this..'

Well, at least you are honest about your limitations.

StewieGriffinsMom Wed 12-Oct-11 19:18:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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